Heal me

19

"Where do you think you are going?"

You turned just in time to see a male stepping out of shadows. It was Azriel, his golden brown eyes shone in dimly lit hall, shadows dangerously danced around him. He sized up the redhead next to you and your hand on the knob of doors to a spare bedroom. His brows furrowed, his gaze wavered with momentary anger. In a single heartbeat Spymaster mastered his expression and let the cool unreadable mask slid on its place.

"You didn't make it far, princess," Lucien whispered to your ear.

"Good to see you, Shadowsinger," he said aloud, smirking as usual. "We got lost in this labyrinth-"

"I'm going back," you said with firm voice, ignoring Lucien's attempt to cover up for you.

Azriel paid no attention to Lucien, his eyes trained only on you, searching. "Why?" His voice was cold, without any emotions.

"I have to.. No.. I want to. Tamlin needs help. Moreover this isn't my home anymore. I like you all a lot, but my home is in Spring Court."

Azriel was silent, his face didn't give out any hint of emotions. He seemed to be choosing his next words very carefully. "There's more to it," he tilted his head to the side. "You have feelings for him, don't you."

It wasn't question, but you still answered. "I'm not sure what exactly I feel. However I'm sure I want to be there. As I said I like all of you, but it isn't enough."

Several emotions flashed across his face, too fast to be noticed by untrained eye. You could recognise only hurt and it caused your heart squeezed. But you couldn't back out. Whatever you felt for Azriel in the past turned into something resembling siblings' love in last weeks. However confused you were at the start, after tonight and the almost kiss it was clear. You loved him, just not the same way he loved you.

"So.. are going to tell my brother? Or call for him?"

He blinked, shocked. "I promised to protect you. Why would I do that? You said you want to go back at least million times since you came and even though you stopped saying it lately, it is in your eyes. The same sadness as the first day you awoke. I hoped it could change, but.."

Now it was your turn to gape at him in surprise. You didn't expect this from him. Azriel was Rhysand's brother, spymaster, his loyalty belonged solely to his High Lord. Behind you Lucien whistled lowly. Apparently he didn't expect it either.

"So you let us go?"

Azriel's jaw tightened as he stepped closer to you. Lucien muttered something about checking if the coast was clear and disappeared behind the corner, giving you privacy.

As soon as he left, Azriel's mask cracked, revealing his real feelings. A lump rose in your throat. Everything you saw, was so raw and unusually vulnerable and you were the one who caused it. However you couldn't take it back. You wanted to hug him, but it would only wound him deeper. And so you just stood there quietly and waited.

Now there were only a few inches between you and Shadowsinger. Air filled with the smell of cedar and early morning mist. Tips of his fingers graced over the back of your hands gently. You could swear he stopped breathing. Resting his forehead on yours, he closed eyes.

"I won't stop you from being happy," he whispered, his deep voice full of sadness. "Although I won't lie. I wish I was the one to give it to you."

Before you could tell something, he took a step back. Azriel cleared his throat, the cool mask slid back. "Go to my room and use the balcony there," he said in his spymaster voice. "Nobody will see you. It's safe. I'll try to get you as much time as possible, but once Rhys finds out you aren't here, it will take him mere seconds to find you. Be ready."