─ Relight Love

6.

~ Nandini's Pov

" i don't know how to love small,
if I can't love you allot,
i can't love you at all. "
 

Every day, every fucking day in the past five years, all I did was remember him in every moment. He was a sweet memory that would hit me every day and make me smile for the rest of the day. He was in my prayers but the irony is that we were so close yet so far. I know my words broke his heart, but still, how his eyes shone with a bitter love for me instead of hate made me feel as bad as possible. I didn't deserve him or his love. A part of me knew I would again be dumped into that darkness

" Aryamann... " I called for him as he ran through the garden to our car and I couldn't but feel helpless at this point. I broke his heart. Again.

" Let it be Nandini. I will make sure we never see each other again. You and me already have seats far away in the plane and after we land in Surat you won't ever see me. You won't ever have to be in dilemma because of me ever again but just remember my love for you was never practical and it won't be ever. It was unconditional then and it is unconditional now. I had hopes from us from you, maybe because we never really had our closure but now we did. Now you need not to worry about me, I won't ever be the cause of your problem. " came his frustrated reply.

" Aryamann you are misunderstanding my words. I didn't meant to make fun of your feelings, I was suggesting what is right for us. " I tried to reason my words even though I knew I was failing at this very task.

" For gods sake for once woman try not to be right and happy and trust me you would live a good life and so will the people who cares for you. " He said rubbing his temple and tears made their way out of my eyes as I began to shiver a little.

" It never worked for me. " I whispered

" You never tried to make it work. Terko bhagna ki adaat hogyi hai Nandini aur m zindagi bhar peeche bhagg skta hu par wo ek tarfa na ho bas. " He screamed at me and this was probably the first time he did this and the left over urge to control my cries subsided as my voice muffled in my cries.

" Aryamann... "

" Nandini, there is no point discussing and messing this up. I don't want to ever hate you or our memories. I never for once thought in past 10 years that one day I would give up on us, on you but now this is the only thing which seems right. "

" I know, I understand I just want to tell you I loved you. I genuinely did. " I said accepting my defeat but he pulled me to his chest and put my hairs behind my ears as he cleared my tears from his thumb making me cry more.

This man isn't real and right for me. Despite me breaking his heart he didn't hesitate for a second to pull me to him and clean my tears so softly, so lovingly. Sometimes love can be the biggest punishment to your deeds.

" I know Singhal, tune merko pyaar ka matlab seekhaya ha pagal. I am never questioning what we had but now seems we are changed, our priorities have changed and I really don't want to make this a bitter memory. You are my first love and I would forever cherish you but now is the time. "

At this point I knew it would be too selfish of me to have him, to keep him. As much as I wanted to scream to him that maybe I am ready, I am ready to risk it all. I am ready to prioritize us over anything in this world, I was ready to finally accept the life my heart wants. As much as I wanted to give chance to us, our relationship my heart screamed how much he loves me,how my love will always fail infront of him and it is rightly said " Band-aids don't fix bullet holes. "