The Twenty Virtues Book 1- The Twenty Generals

23-The Writer

Brazil, 21st century. This is where the history of Nightmare begins; it's not his real name, but he believes it's the name that best describes him. So why not call him that? When he was 5 years old, Nightmare was already drawing and painting, which made his parents immensely proud.

He took a while to learn to speak, perhaps because during his early and middle childhood, he didn't have much contact with other children. There was no sad or dark reason for this; it just happened that he didn't interact much. His parents weren't strict with him; they were loving, which made the boy feel comfortable and settled. He watched many cartoons and movies from a young age and loved to adventure with them. He had fun drawing and telling stories to his parents, inventing tales, and asking them to read books. There was no doubt that this hobby was his greatest passion.

See how Nightmare's life was; it was a true dream: He had a hobby he loved, the few people he knew were aware of his likes and dislikes, took care of him, and loved him. He was the child, the protected one. In a warm, supported, and happy cocoon. He explored the world through his mind and the stories he saw. He never needed to care about the real world because the fictional one was much more fun, no matter how crazy the story was. And Nightmare was a very creative storyteller and drawer. He took what he learned and reshaped it to his liking. In the imaginary, everything was under his control, and in reality, he didn't have to deal with anything.

Then came daycare, and a piece of the nightmare began: There, he would have to deal with people on his behalf, and he wouldn't have any control. At school, everyone was the same, and many, there were no children who received more attention than others. Not only that, but they didn't know Nightmare's likes and dislikes; the little boy would have to learn to explain himself to others.

But when you're a child, not only do you not fully understand what you like or dislike because you're still learning, but you also don't feel that you should have to explain to others. Other children should already know.

Then school began, and the real nightmare started: Children are very focused on themselves while being altruistic, and this is something that cannot be changed, as it's not a personality trait but a stage of development. So when Nightmare shared his likes with someone and found out that others thought they were boring or strange, the child's egocentrism made them focus on themselves, and the thought became: No one likes the same things I do, no one plays like I play. This happens to every child, but each child's individuality makes dealing with these thoughts different.

For Nightmare, the thought was: I'm boring. Weird and different. And his imagination took scenes from movies about what happened to boring and different people, about bullying, and that made him start telling his own story in his head. He began to live through things that hadn't happened in his life. He started to fear a bullying that hadn't even happened yet. He tried to focus on his friends' likes instead of his own, fitting into a group by reshaping himself rather than creating one by being himself.

But thinking is different from acting. In his story, Nightmare told a joke he found funny; others would laugh and think he was fun, that it must be great to be his friend. However, in his history, no one laughed at the joke. With this result, Nightmare's story changed: "They didn't laugh, I'm boring. They don't like me." But little boy, you've never heard any of them call you boring or say they don't like you. Why try to deduce and guess what's in others' heads? You're trying to regain control, confusing story with reality.

So you end up alone, already designating yourself as the weird kid in the class, and this becomes your role. You have no friends, not much confidence, and your anxiety screaming about how many things are wrong. You sink because you feel alone, you cry and scream without making a sound because you don't want to be seen as even more weird than you already are. But you didn't want to be this way; why is this your role? Why is he the weird kid in the class?