Sometimes I look around at people. I really have to think about what I am doing in the moment otherwise I miss out on these opportunities that I have. Not anything that I think about gaining something but things that I regret not saying. Today I say a girl with the absolute coolest outfit on. She was like..5 grades younger than me. She looked quiet and it's probably wrong of me to infer something but who cares. She looked like she didn't have many friends or considered herself a nerd or at least she might in the future. This year I had the realization that I need to quit putting myself in a category. I have only ever been called a nerd by one person that wasn't me so why do I think that I am one? Anyways, I regret not saying how cool her outfit was. I don't want to be a nuisance to people but I don't think they would mind if I complimented their outfit. I am quiet and shy and social anxiety in skin but I think that if someone said something nice about me I would really enjoy it..especially if it was by someone older than me. I would feel like a cool kid. This year I am a senior and I am supposed to be the "authority" or the "example". My principle said that all the younger kids would follow anything I do so I have to set the bar high and be a good example. I am not really sure about how well the statistics on that opinion is but it could be worth a try. I want to be a good example but it's hard when everybody is overwhelmed with negativity. It's not their fault...to a certain extent. People are shaped from other peoples mistakes and problems.. I can't be mad at anyone because everyone has problems that I don't know about. I get scared when I even barely raise my voice at someone..I have the mindset that it's cruel. It may not be, it's probably normal. But.. How can I be slightly annoyed at little Tommy because he said something annoying over and over again but then he goes home to a drug addict mother and a father that hates him. He doesn't love his home life and maybe that slightly annoying thing that he thought was funny was the most joy he got today and I had to ruin it. Tommy isn't real.
