Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you

𝟭𝟬 | 𝗔𝗔𝗔 𝗟𝗼𝗼𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗙𝗼𝗿.

Within half an hour, things have gotten out of hand; we're all drunk except for my mom.

The grandparents, to celebrate, gave alcohol to Jace and me. He's only slightly tipsy, while I'm completely gone after having a drinking contest with Grandpa Carl with beer and champagne shots.

I have no idea what song is playing right now; I don't recognize it, but it's quite lively. Our living room looks like a freaking nightclub, and I've brought out my panda-shaped Bluetooth speakers to blast the music even louder.

Grandma Maria approaches me. "Brianna, shall we do that nice butt move you young girls do?"

"You mean twerking?"

"Yes, exactly! We'll attract some nice guys!"

"Grandma, you're married, and we're all relatives here. I'm not going to commit incest with Jace."

"What incest! You practice with me now, so when you go dancing at parties, you'll be an expert, and everyone will be looking at your nice butt!" With that, she gives me a pat on the rear and pulls me by the arm towards the center of the room.

We start twerking, and I wonder what's wrong with me.

All the relatives are watching us. They've formed a circle around us.

Soon, Grandpa Carl and Grandpa Sean join in, twerking side by side with beers in hand.

Heaven help anyone who tries to take their alcohol away.

The others join in too, and we continue until the end of the song.

The only ones not participating are my mom, since she's completely sober, and Jace, who's too busy filming us.

When the song ends, I get an idea.

I grab Grandpa's phone, which is already connected to the speaker, and play just the instrumental of "Occidentali's Karma," without the lyrics.

I climb onto the coffee table next to the sofa and stand on it, praying with all my might that it doesn't break.

There are already manholes threatening my poor, unlucky life. We don't need possessed coffee tables or paintings too.

All the relatives are watching me.

I wait for the chorus to start and begin singing, but the words are completely different from the original song.

AAA Looking For
A joy in my life hoped for
For the manholes and the damn heels
I have bad luck that deserves a slap
With a fallen painting
And a bearded boss
Working unwillingly, ole
With sarcasm in my veins
And a great-grandfather named Michele
I will always suck
Never a joy in my life
Never a joy in my life
I will always suck
Never a joy in my life *

I finish with a bow. Modestly speaking, I really have talent. At being awful.

But everyone applauds, and after I get down from the table, Grandpa Sean plays "Cha cha cha," and that's how a conga line starts, led by him, roaming around the living room.

We continue like this all afternoon, drinking and dancing, and even Jace is completely gone. So much so that he plays the song "Bomba," which is from who knows how many years ago, and tries to do a sexy dance but looks like a fish out of water with how much he's flailing around.

And then I even wonder why I am what I am.

"Who wants more alcohol? This is the last pack of beer!" yells Grandpa Carl.

Jace and I rush to the alcohol.

At one point, I end up between Aunt Sasha and Aunt Wendy, and after exchanging a look, they start explaining to me all the things that men usually like during certain activities between the sheets.

Oh God, what an embarrassing situation.

I quickly escape when the conversation starts getting very red-light, and I go sit on the couch next to Aunt Mary, who's catching her breath after dancing I don't know how many songs in a row.

But she starts talking about how to make desserts, and well, I leave even at that moment.

Since everyone is drunk and can't drive, they stay to sleep at our place.

Jace, due to a lack of space, comes to sleep in my bed in my double bed.

A real nightmare, since he tosses and turns constantly.

⸻ ❝ ❞ ⸻

"Wake up!" Someone shouts in my ear.

I scream and, startled, fall out of bed. "Ouch, that hurts."

I see a head peeking over the edge of the bed, and I recognize my cousin Jace.

"And why are you at my house?" I ask him.

I get up from the floor and sit on the bed, but I'm too tired and collapse back down, remaining lying.

My cousin looks down at me. "Actually, everyone was here. According to your dad, everyone was drunk yesterday except your mom, and we all stayed to sleep here."

"Wait, what do you mean everyone was here?"

"It's eleven in the morning. Everyone has gone home, including my parents, but the uncles suggested I stay here for the rest of the day. You'll drive me home tonight."

I ignore everything he said because when I realize what time it is, I jump out of bed, but due to the sharp pain in my head, I'm forced to lie back down.

I slap a hand to my forehead. "Damn, today is Monday. I was supposed to go to work."

Paul is going to kill me, I can feel it.

Jace smiles at me. "Don't worry, your mom told me earlier that she went to the tattoo parlor and let them know you couldn't go."

I sigh in relief. "Thank goodness."

Then another sharp pain hits my temples. "God, I have such a headache," I complain.

Jace turns to the nightstand and hands me a glass of water and an aspirin.

"Did I ever tell you that you're my favorite cousin?"

"Of course, I'm your favorite cousin. I'm perfect."

"No, you're my favorite because you're the only cousin I have. But I'm lucky to have one who's just one year older. At least we get drunk together and you don't try to stop me."

"Happy to be an awesome cousin!"

"The only awesome one here is me."

We laugh together.

I love moments like this.

*In the original language of the story, which is Italian, this song is rhymed, but I'm not skilled enough in English to adapt it, sorry.