Loving Sal,

CHAPTER 3:

I came home early, but I feel tired as hell. Pagdating ko sa bahay agad kong nakita si mama na nag-aayos ng gamit nya. May dala syang mga damit, toothbrush at sa laki kong gulat, isa isa nya yun nilagay sa loob ng isang maleta.

"Ma, san ka pupunta?" she didn't answer. She just continued packing. Mayamaya pa lumabas si ate mula sa kwarto nya, her eyes plumpy as if she cried her eyes out.

"Ma, wag naman ganito?" my ate pleaded, her voice is desperate.

"Ayaw mo dibang umalis! Ako nalang aalis, total pareho naman matigas ang ulo nyo ng magkapatid!" I stared at my mother as she put her things in a baggage, my ate crying. I was confused.

What happened?

My ate has always been my mother's favorite child.

What could have caused such a big rift between them that could lead to my mother leaving this house?

"Ma, naman. usap tayo. Hindi yung ganito!" My ate Krista walked toward my mother and unpack my mother's baggage. One by one she removed my mother's clothes in the bag but my mother grabbed her hand and stopped her.

"Ma, aalis ka? Iiwan mo kami?"

"Para saan pa at nandito ako kung hindi rin kayo makikinig sa akin. Ikaw Krista panganay ka, napaka- walang kwenta mo. Diba sabi ko naman sayo, binantaan kita."

A tear dropped in my ate's face as my mother's voice passed through her ears like pieces of broken glass cutting and slicing her up from insides. "Pero ma-"

"Pero ano?! Tutulad ka sa tatay mong bading!"

Huh?

"You are leaving us, because I loved Rei? Because I loved a woman or you are leaving us because we reminded you that once the man you love have cheated on you with another man-" my ate's word was interrupted by powerful slap from my mother hands at don lang nagregister sa'kin ang lahat, I run toward my ate, who is now lying on the floor crying and comforted her.

I didn't stop my mother from leaving.

We just watch her abandon us without a fight.

Unlike my Ate I didn't cry.

Instead, I went upstairs. Lock my room and open my browser.

fuck me!

I lost myself in the series of spasms. Mylegs trembled, I writhed on my fingers as I listen to Sal's voice moaning as she was being fucked by someone else. I like Sal for the reason I can be intimate with her without having to be intimate with her. I let her voice guide me through a series of orgasms, finding the right places. I pleasure myself and temporarily I forgot about the mother who abandoned us and a father who betrayed us.

I forgot everything as I reached the climax.

Once I finished, I went down to the kitchen to get some water only to see my father in the living room, sad and defeated. A bottle in his one hand as he cries his sorrow out.

"Pa, si ma-"

"Alam ko nak, alam ko" he cried even more.

They said you can judge people based on their coping mechanisms. You can say that I am a slutty person even though there's no other hand that touches me, you can say that my father is a no-good man even though his drinking never hurt anyone. Our coping mechanism defined us.

I grabbed a glass and poured water into it. I left my father to process his own thoughts, to cope with this alone and that has been my gravest mistake.

The next thing we know, my father committed suicide.