Loving Sal,

Epilogue

Adira's Father POV

It's funny how your life can turn upside down by just one mistake.

One mistake.

I am in my room, quietly listening to music when the door creaked and openend. My girlfriend, Kate entered the door. "Hi-"

"Theo"

There's a grief expression in her face as if something bad just happened to her. "what happened babe, okay ka lang?"

I walk toward her, try to hug her but she push me back.

"theo need nating mag-usap" she said, a tear falling in her cheek. i was confused. What's are we talking about? is she's going to break up with me? does her father find out? A continous thread of anxiety filled me. I stared at her  for answers but she just stared back at me.

"Theo buntis ako"

Her words are like bomb exploding in me. Suddenly, I felt the floor crumpling, slowly giving in to the weight of her statement. Buntis? what does she mean buntis? " Huh? Kate paulit nga?"

"buntis ako, ikaw tatay"

"Panong buntis! mainggat naman tayo ah" my panic gets the better of me. My father would kill me, this is the end of me. "wala eh theo. Hindi ko rin alam"

a tear dropped in her eyes, as she shows him the pregnancy test. Two of them. both positive. 

 "pano-"

"pananagutan natin"

"hindi pwede kate, hindi pa ko tapos ng pag aaral. Anong ipapakain ko dyan?"

"Anong gusto mong gawin ko Theo! ipapalaglag ko?!"

The silence filled the room, as if it is answer enough. Kate left. Leaving me confuse of what to do next.

In  May, the same year, I found myself in front of a judge, saying vows I didn't mean. Infront of a woman I didn't love.

"Matheo rodriguez, tinatanggap mo ba si Kate Lozano bilang kabiyak. sa hirap at ginahawa. sa saya at kalungkutan" 

"I do" my voice didn't echo the conviction I should have felt. I put the ring in her finger, I stared at her, she was smiling. Not the genuine smile but it was the type of smile you give when you just succeeded in your plan. 

Sa sumunod na taon, palaisipan pa rin sakin kung sinadya nya ba. kung plano nya ba yun lahat. When Krista was born and I was not in the hospital. I am in a bar, giving the last day of my freedom. I was drinking whisky when a man sat behind me. His hair was long but he didn't look feminine, he has a firm built, a well stature and most of all his smile was captivating.

"Pwedeng umupo?"

I nodded and he sat beside me at the counter. 

"Mag-isa ka lang?"

I nodded again. I watched him order a tequilla as he propped himself on his elbow and started asking questions. he look like a child waiting for his mother's answer. "what's bring you here"

"life"

"me too" I sipped in my whiskey and watched him the do the same. That night I feel the music in my bones, the whiskey have blinded me. The csmall talk turned into a conversation. The next thing I knew I was in the condominium of this man, giving blowjob.

Here's a thing, a part of always thinks I'm gay. But I don't want to admit it. I don't want people to know. But with him I am free. He touched me like I'm hungry. The next day I receive a message froim my biyanan asking me where I am.

"Aalis ka na"

"emergency eh"

"Ahh okay"

I left him that night but what I didn't know that our infedelity will last for years and years to come.

"Ano ba theo, iwanan mo na kasi asawa mo. Sumama ka na sakin sa San Vicencio. Dun makakapagsimulat tayo ng bago"

"pano ang mga anak ko?"

"As if you care about them!"

"Joseph anak ko pa rin sila! tatay pa rin ako!"

"Okay! okay!" he said, he retreated, he sound defeated. "pano kaya kung isama mo nalang sila. I know an house there, pag mamay-ari sya ni papa, you can rent the house there."

"Nagkakalokohan ba tayo?"

"seryoso ako. move to san vicencio. we'll live there. sa ganon mas malapit ka. ang hirap kasi ng ganito theo. ang layo mo. hindi ka sakin nauwi-"

I didn't let him finish his sentence and kissed. Kiss him deep to the point he forgets his words adn what's he was saying. 

"Gusto mong magrelocate? nag-iisip ka ba theo? nandito na buhay natin!"

"buhay?! eh halos hindi na nga tayo maka bayad ng upa dito eh. ang point ko kasi kate hindi ko kaya ang mahal ng expenses sa dito. kung lilipat tayo sa probinsya mas maalwan sa atin" paliwanag ko sa kanya. But Kate doesn't look convinnced, she look suspecting as if she aboit my secrets.

We went to San Vicencio after that.
   
   
    "Theo, ayaw mo na?"
   
    "I'm a married man Joseph. May anak at asawa ako." I look at him, a tear dropped from his eyes. Suddenly the room went dark and silent. It was not the night I wanted, not the night I desired but I have to do this. Even though it means hurting him.
   
    I grabbed my wallet and my phone from his bedstand and started walking toward the dark wooden door.
   
    "Sigurado ka na?"
   
    I didn't look back. It took all my courage away to leave. It took everything in me not to turn around and said I loved him.
   
    "Papa?" My daughter came running toward me. Excited to see me. Adira and Gwen higged me while Krista stand in the back. "Kamusta pasada Papa?"
   
    "Okay lang. Hindi matumal. Marami akong napasadahan ngayon"
   
    "Mabuti naman" out of nowhere, my wife Kate approached me and hugged me. I felt her sniff at me as if finding a clue with my scent, when I nudged her a little. Lumayo sya. "Tara kain na tayo"
   
    I hate my wife. I hate that I married her. I hate this life but I don't really have a choice. Lalaki ako eh kailangan ko syang pakasalan, kasi kasalanan ko rin naman. But atleast I have sweet, good children. Sila lang ang meron ako.
    Pagkatapos namin kumajn ay agad na kong pumunta sa kwarto para magpahinga. Nung naramdaman kong sumunod sakin si Kate. "San ka galing kanina?" Her voice full with doubt.
   
    "Namasada"
   
    "Sure ka? sa motel na pala ang bagong paradahan ng jeepney ngayon"
   
    That took me by surprise. Her words were like explosives. Detonating all at once. Blowing away the pieces of me I used to protect so much. "Kate, I can explain-"
   
    "Explain what?" She said "that you cheated on me! Tanggap ko eh kung babae yun, kumg mas maganda sakin. Pero pinagpalit mo ko sa bakla!"
   
    "Hindi ganon yun-"
   
    "So ano yun Theo? Ano yun ipaliwanag mo sakin" she broke down on the floor, crying at the news. "Hindi ba ko sapat? Kaya ba tayo lumipoat sa San Vicencio"
   
    I nodded.
   
    "Kailan pa?"
   
    "Before Krista was born"
   
    Before even I could explain myself, I saw Krista in the corner. Crying as she hear our conversation. "Anak-" bago ko pa sya maabutan. She storm in her room and lock herself away.
   
    That night I knew that I fucked up. I left the house and went to the nearest club. Somehow the neon lights and the sound of chill music managed to calm me down.
   
    "Isa pang beer" sabi ko sa waiter. Maya maya pa may naramdaman akong umupo sa tabi ko. It was Joseph.
   
    "She finds out"
   
    "How?"
   
    "I didn't know" I reached out for the bottles again, planning to drink all my problems away when Joseph steal the bottle from my hands. "Tama na yan lasing ka na"
   
    "Hindi pa ko lasing" I sadi and laugh, he only shook his head and gestured to me to stand up. "Uuwi na tayo."
   
    I find myself once more in his bed. We didn't have sex, we only cuddled. Enjoying the warmth of each other. "Hindi mo ba naisip mag pamilya? Magsettle down?" I asked him
   
    He look at me and shook his head.
   
    "Bakit?"
   
    He only smiled and said "cuz I finally found my home"