Cute! Agony After Party

Awakening to Reality

Chapter 1

"Awakening to Reality"

(Lucy)

I opened the terrace door. The wind I felt on my face instantly was much more refreshing than usual. 'Probably because it's the last time,' I thought. It's noon, the sun is high, and I walk to the far edge of the terrace. I step onto the ventilation pipe and climb onto the wall that reaches my waist. The wind is terrifying up here. Without looking down, I gaze straight ahead at the iconic silhouette of New York City.

Thoughts themed around 'Why couldn't I manage to live?' start dancing in my head. Where did I go wrong, really? Why didn't it work out? Am I sure that jumping is a better method than taking pills?

"Enough now!" I say to myself. Here you are, on the terrace of a fucking building you don't even know, facing the city you came to with big dreams. But you had to climb to the top of a building you don't know, haven't seen, or lived in, just to end your life.

"What should I do, huh?" I mutter. The rat hole I live in doesn't even have a terrace. At least let my end be with some style, with a view. Isn't that why I came to Brooklyn? To put a full stop with a beautiful NYC view... I even styled myself for the occasion. A beautiful, thin, slightly transparent, flowing long red dress, red nail polish. My curly short hair blow-dried inward and my Dr. Martens boots on my feet. The fanciest items I own. Oh, since it's the end, maybe I should've gotten a nice pair of Christian Louboutins instead? Well, whatever, it is what it is!

The wind blows so fiercely that I snap out of my thoughts for a moment. Yes, let's get to it. Is there anything you want to say to yourself one last time, dear Lucy? Let's finish this before people start waking up and getting on with their day. My tolerance level is so low that I can't deal with anyone right now.

"Life didn't understand me; instead of living what I don't deserve, not living at all is the right decision. Despite everything, I'm proud of you, girl," I say to myself. I take a deep breath, and at that moment, the metal door creaks open.

I turn around. Someone steps onto the terrace, wearing zebra-striped pants and an oversized leopard-print fur coat with green hair and red Converse shoes, motioning with their hands for me to stop. Weirdly very stylish. They can't speak because they're out of breath. Are they wearing a black mesh top under that fur coat?

"Don't come any closer!" I immediately shout. Where did this person come from? After catching their breath, they call out, "Don't do it, Lucy! Come down, and let's talk for just 5 minutes. Then, if you still want to, you can jump."

Lucy? How does this person know my name? And even more frightening, how do they know I'm here?

"If you come down, I'll explain how I know you and how I knew you'd be here," they respond, almost as if they're reading my mind.

"Get the fuck out of here!" I say and turn away. I take one last look at the city across from me, the one I couldn't reach, the one I couldn't conquer. I take a step into the void and let gravity take me. Those 2-3 seconds feel like minutes, my heart in my mouth... I feel a strange sensation inside. So where was that life flashing before my eyes like a film reel?

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When I open my eyes, the person with green hair on the terrace is looking down at me. "Welcome back," they say. My head hurts a lot. It hurts so much that I lie there without moving, staring at the ceiling for a while. I can only make out that I'm in a room with white fluorescent lights. The green-haired waits patiently and calmly without speaking.

I don't know how much time has passed, but the pain seems to be subsiding a bit. I sit up from where I'm lying. I'm now sitting on something that's a mix between a dentist's chair and a stretcher in a room with dirty yellow walls. The green-haired is sitting in front of a bunch of computers. There's nothing else in the big room. Not even a window, just a door. And it's yellow too... Did I die? Or did I fail at this too? But I don't have any injuries, I inspect my body. Just a headache...

When they see me sit up, they turn towards me in their chair and smiles. "Would you like to talk?" they ask softly. I nod in agreement. They move a bit closer in his chair. They are taken off their fur coat and is sitting in a fishnet top. I also notice for the first time that they have two piercings in their eyebrow.

"I'm Dolly," they say. "I use he/him pronouns. You used she/her pronouns too, didn't you, Lucy?"

"How do you know me?" I ask. I can only form short sentences; my headache hasn't gone away yet. I rub my temples as I ask.

He says the headache will pass soon and adds that he knows why I wanted to kill myself.

"That's not the answer to my question!" I say, getting angry.

"I can't give you that answer," he says. He stands up and walks over to the computer. He starts doing something. He's so tall. A tall, fit guy. He takes a green gum from the table and comes back to sit beside me. He offers me the gum.

"Chew this, and you'll get all your answers."

Oh man, what's going on? Are we in the fucking Matrix or something? And above all, I have a very basic question: Did I fucking die? I want to say this out loud, but I don't have the strength.

"You wanted to kill yourself anyway; you jumped off a five-story building. Chew it, what's the worst that could happen?" he says with a smile. "He's right, just go with it," I think to myself. I take the gum from his hand and put it in my mouth.

It tastes like a spoiled walnut, ugh, what is this? It's terrible. After chewing for 8 or 10 times, it melts away as if the gum disappears in my mouth.