you killed my flower

79. cracks and splinters

i can count on a hand the number of people who have decided to stay,
and it weighs heavy on my heart as i wonder
if i'm just pushing them away.
perpetual sadness pulls me down by my ankles into its deep pit of grief and worry as i think: how will i survive this without them?
i'm bending.
the floorboards of my heart creak and sputter wildly. splinters filling the obituaries of my soul.
the swell of tears shouldn't be as great as it is. yet as each one rhythmically falls, i place a name to the clear, salty droplet. the tears shed are for all of them. one by one, they go.

and now, splitting and cracking drowns out the white noise that once filled my ears. by god, for once i thought everything would be okay. maybe i'm just being selfish. but as the deafening deviations continue,
i break.