Only Angel - Castiel

Chapter Sixteen

You and Castiel are laying in bed, the two of you a tangled mess of soft skin as his fingers absentmindedly trace shapes along your side. The morning sun softly filters through the blinds, casting a golden light over your room at Bobby's.

"I wish you didn't have to leave so early," you murmur into the crook of his neck.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles, "I can't risk-"

You cut him off. "I know. You're already risking so much by disobeying and being here. The less people who know, the better. Until stuff upstairs settles down, I just have to deal with the secrecy and pretending that you broke my heart."

Castiel plants a soft kiss in your hair. "Thank you for being so patient," he says and the breath from his words tickle your head.

Ever since Jimmy's confession, you've been having an internal battle, going back and forth over whether you should tell Cas you love him or not. You can't think of any reason he would make something like that up or lie about it. After he'd spent a year in Castiel's head or vice versa- you didn't really know which- it made sense that he'd know that information.

You thought now could be a good time to just casually drop the bomb. Say something like 'I'm patient because I love you.' The part of your brain that causes fear thinks the exact opposite; fearing that if you tell him how you feel, it would scare him away. Considering you've been spending your past couple of days waiting for these precious moments that never feel long enough, you don't want to risk it. There'll be other opportunities, you decide.

Besides, soon enough Castiel would be gone doing whatever his superiors had him doing, and you'd be helping Bobby and Dean with their at-home demon-blood detox. This time with Cas was too special to waste by worrying.

"How much longer do you think I'll have to continue being patient?" You finally decide to bring up as an alternative.

"I wish I knew the answer to that. I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay," you assure him, "I was only curious."

He kisses your head as an apology. "What are you doing today?"

You look off into space and pretend to ponder. "Hm, let's see. Missing you, helping with Sam's detox, missing you, and yeah, that's about it."

Castiel huffs a soft laugh. "You're a busy person. I wonder if you can squeeze some time for me into that tight schedule you've got."

A smile lights up your face, and Castiel matches it. "Don't I squeeze you in every night and early morning?"

"You do, and I appreciate it. But, I was thinking maybe we could do something together today."

Propping yourself up on your arm, you lean over him. "How? Don't you have some super secret angel business to attend to?"

"I haven't received any orders yet and nobody is currently looking for me."

You excitedly pepper his face with kisses. "I'm sure I could make up something to get out of helping Dean and Bobby today. What were you thinking we could do?"

"I was hoping you had an idea," he answers with a smile.

Immediately you think about the time about a month ago when you found out there was a zoo in Sioux Falls. You've been wanting to go ever since, but can never find the free time.

"This is probably not how you want to spend our day, but what about the great plains zoo?"

"If that's what you want, I'm happy."

Castiel's words send butterflies to your stomach and you quickly capture his lips in a kiss before climbing over him out of bed and rushing to the closet. Once you find a suitable outfit to wear to the zoo, you pull your hair up and out of your face.

Castiel is still laying in bed once you're finally ready and have packed a small bag. You climb over top of him and hug him like a baby koala.

"You had all that time to get dressed, why aren't you ready?"

"I was watching you. You're so human, running around looking for things to bring. I could watch you just simply existing for hours."

I love you, I love you, I love you.

"Too bad watching me would waste precious zoo-going time. C'mon, get ready," you say instead.

"How would you like me to do that when you are pinning me to the mattress?"

You dramatically groan and get off of the bed. "I guess you have a point."

Once freed, Castiel finally gets up and starts putting his clothes on.

"You cannot wear your everyday outfit to the zoo."

He sits back down on the bed, only having gotten his pants on. "These are the only clothes I have."

"Okay. So we definitely need to go buy you some casual clothes beforehand," you say, taking a seat next to him on the bed. "We should probably discuss a game plan."

"I agree. We should have a set course of action."

"I was thinking to avoid questioning, I could just say I need to run errands today and then you could join me in the car once I'm away from the house."

Castiel doesn't respond and turns his head away. You didn't know if maybe the plan was terrible and he was thinking of a better one, or what was going on.

"Is that okay with you? Because we can do it differently if you'd like," you offer.

"I'm sorry. It's not that. I don't like that you have to lie to your loved ones for me."

Fuck it. Now's the time. I love you.

"Do you know why I'm willing to do it?" You ask, taking his hand in yours.

He turns to look at you and tilts his head, waiting for an answer.

"Because you're also one of my loved ones. I..." you pause, taking a moment to let it sink in that you're actually doing this, "I love you, Castiel."

As he thinks of a response, your heartbeat reaches a high you didn't even know was humanly possible. You don't think you've ever truly known what anxiety has felt like until this moment.

"I do not know a lot about love yet, but from what I do know, I know that I love you too. And I'd like to continue learning, if you would teach me."

And just like that, the fear, the panic, the regret, is all gone. The early morning light is warmer and brighter, and the birds singing their morning tunes in the trees outside of the window are singing just for you.

I think everything is going to be okay after all.

"So, about that plan of mine?" You ask with the brightest smile that's ever graced your face.

.˳·˖✶𓆩𓁺𓆪✶˖·˳. 

hey guys sorry for the super late update and then it also just lowk being filler. i was working on it, but then i dipped out of the country for three days to see green day (best concert of my life). the post trip/concert sadness is hitting so hard right now, but life goes on. sorry if this isn't as good, the billie joe brainrot is going insane and it's all i can focus on.