Murdoc x reader (ONESHOTS)

It's Complicated

Murdoc was having a rough night. Could not get to sleep. He had no idea why considering he wasn't drinking. He only had a candle lit to only look at. Even that doesn't give him much needed rest. It was in that moment, He had something on his mind but didn't know what. (Y/n) knocks on his bedroom door. Murdoc answered; "Who is it?"
"It's (y/n). I was just checking in."
"You can come in, love"
"Okay, I'm coming in now."
(Y/n) opens the door to see Murdoc lying in his bed with hands in his face, rubbing it out of frustration. She walks up towards the edge of the bed. She sits on the edge facing him asking; "Hey, Are you okay?" Murdoc puts his hands off his face to reply with a motionless; "yeah...No, actually." he sits up and holds his legs close to his face. He looks up to (y/n) and said; "Honestly, I don't know." (Y/n) saw sadness in his eyes. He asked; "Is the door locked?" (Y/n) grew concerned which immediately led to Murdoc saying; "I am not gonna do anything to you. It's just... It's complicated and I don't want anyone else to hear it." She understood and went up towards his bedroom door to lock it. She walked closer to his side of the bed. She sat closer to him on the bed. She asked worried with a twinkle in her eye showing him she can be trusted: "What's wrong?" Murdoc closed his eyes and takes a few deep breaths before responding. Murdoc responded looking down; "I can be so full of shit sometimes... okay not sometimes... all the time. It's all that I know how to be. You only have been here for a little bit, but over twenty years ago... I was an ass. It didn't take until I went to jail multiple times and a pandemic to realize how much damage I am doing to everyone around me. 2D doesn't deserve this, Noodle doesn't deserve this, Russel doesn't deserve this... and I don't think you deserve this. I thought if I were to be a part of something great that I would create it myself... but..." Tears began to roll down his face. When one tear fell from his face, (Y/n) place her hand on one of his knee's. He continued as he immediately looked up at the ceiling for some other comfort: "I am a monster, (y/n). I hurt and dragged other people into my god awful mess... I created this band so that I can stick it to my dad... now that... I realize that it would not matter anymore...eventually... god I am not making any sense." (Y/n) added with Murdoc looking around her again; "No I understand. It was just a rough patch. You are not hurting anyone. At least not right now. But you are on the healing process. Trying to be better. It's just gonna take some time. It will be worth it in the end. You'll see, I promise."
"How can you promise that?" Asked Murdoc as another tear streaming off his face. (Y/n) admitted to him: "I am also on a healing process as well. Long story short, I have an anger problem and in order for me to be better for someone else in a relationship, I have to work on myself alone. I am gonna let you know now. This is not an easy process, but it's a process you don't have to go through alone... if you want, I can help you a little. That's if you want me to." Murdoc finally notices her hand on his knee and nods his head, giving (y/n)'s permission to help him. Murdoc said; "I really don't want to do it right now."
"I know. It's gonna be baby steps. Let's just focus on right now."
"Right now, I just wanna..." Murdoc stopped himself before getting embarrassed. (Y/n) could tell what he wanted without him even saying it. She put her hand off his knee and gestured him to get closer to her. Murdoc put his leg's down to only shift towards her. Placing his head on her chest, hearing her heartbeat. Murdoc started crying, covering his face with her shirt. Muffled sounds of his cries thankful could not be heard by other members of the band. He always has this tough cool guy image, but sometimes the mask comes off when at the most vulnerable. Murdoc is now starting to become human. Which is a good start for him mentally. (Y/n) held him close to her. One hand rubbing his back and another petting the back of his head, petting his black raven hair. (Y/n) kept saying to him; "Shh, it's okay... It's alright... We can do this...Everything is gonna be okay..." (y/n) was the only person who has seem Murdoc as his most vulnerable. Which makes it so special to him. He can actually trust her whenever he is like this. Murdoc breaks away from her chest. He still has his head on her chest but just not covered. He said; "Don't tell anyone about tonight." (Y/n) replied; "Don't worry. It stays in this room. Just you and me." Murdoc was relieved to know he is not alone on this. (Y/n) held him like a mother would hold a child after having a nightmare. Murdoc cried until he could fall asleep. He had fallen asleep on her. (Y/n) slowly placed Murdoc's head back on his pillow. (Y/n) pulled the top of the blanket and wrapped it around him. (Y/n) placed her hand on his bangs to only move it. She bends down to only kiss his forehead. She pulls herself up to only blow out the candle on Murdoc's nightstand. The whole room turns completely dark with only a blue silhouette of his bedroom window to reveal the full moon. It's illuminated a small portion of Murdoch's room. He wakes up to only see (y/n) still on his bed. He asked; "(y/n)?" "Yeah what's up?" She asked him leaning down to see him.
"Can you stay here? Just for tonight?" Asked Murdoc placing his hand on top of her's. He looked scared. She smiled gently to only agree to stay with him. She got off the bed to only walk over to the other side. She crawl in to only make herself comfortable on the bed. Murdoc turns over to only place his head back on her chest. She pets his hair as he begins to fall asleep again. When he did, she falls asleep shortly after.