Hidden Desires

4. Make You Mine

Jennifer's Point of View

I woke up feeling irritated, the kind of frustration that gnaws at you from the inside out. As I blinked against the early morning light streaming through the curtains, the weight of it all settled heavily on my chest. My mind was a tangled mess of thoughts and emotions, but one thing was clear, I was fed up. I didn't know how much longer I could keep doing this, pretending like everything was okay when it clearly wasn't.

I threw off the covers, my movements sharp and filled with annoyance. Beau was still asleep beside me, oblivious to the storm brewing inside me. Just looking at him lying there made my skin crawl. It wasn't that he had done anything wrong, but the sight of him in my bed, in the place where I desperately wished Leah would be, made me furious.

Why couldn't it be Leah next to me instead? The thought of her filled my mind, and it made my chest ache with longing. I didn't want Beau in my bed. I didn't want his touch, his presence. I wanted Leah. I wanted to wrap my arms around her, to pull her close and feel her warmth against me. I wanted to bury my face in her neck, to breathe in her scent, to have her calm me down like only she could.

The irritation only grew as I thought about Leah, knowing she wasn't here with me. Worse, she wasn't even mine to hold. Angelo had her. Angelo, with his charming smile and easygoing demeanor. The thought of him being able to touch her, to hold her, to be with her in ways I couldn't, made me clench my fists in anger.

It wasn't fair. Why did he get to have her when all I wanted was to be in her arms? Leah made me feel things that no one else ever had. She made me feel safe, understood, like everything was going to be okay even when it wasn't. She calmed the storm inside me, made everything seem more bearable. And yet, here I was, stuck with Beau, while the person I truly wanted was in someone else's arms.

I sat on the edge of the bed, my heart pounding with frustration. This couldn't go on. I couldn't keep pretending that I was okay with this, that I could keep up this affair with Leah like it was something casual when it was anything but. It wasn't just about the physical connection, though that was undeniable, it was about so much more. Leah was the one I wanted to be with, the one I wanted to share my life with, and the more time passed, the harder it became to ignore that.

I ran a hand through my hair, trying to calm myself down, but the anger wouldn't subside. I needed to see her. I needed to be with her, to feel her arms around me, to have her reassure me that I wasn't going crazy. Because that's what it felt like... like I was losing my mind without her.

The thought of going another day without being able to hold her, without being able to claim her as mine, was unbearable. I couldn't keep pretending that everything was fine when it wasn't. I couldn't keep going back to Beau when all I wanted was Leah. I needed her, and I needed her now. I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself, but the irritation was still there, bubbling just beneath the surface. I knew I had to talk to her, to tell her how I felt, to make her understand that I couldn't keep doing this. I needed to know if she felt the same way, if she was as tired of this game as I was. Because if she did, then maybe, just maybe, we could finally be together.

I glanced back at Beau, still fast asleep, and felt a pang of guilt mixed with the frustration. He didn't deserve this. But I couldn't keep lying to myself, to him. My heart wasn't in this anymore, and pretending otherwise was only making me miserable.

As I stood there, lost in my thoughts, I heard him stir behind me. His voice, still thick with sleep, broke the silence. "Baby, come on, come back to bed..." he mumbled, his tone soft and inviting.

I sighed, the frustration bubbling up again, but I knew I couldn't let it show. I forced a smile as I turned around and made my way back to the bed, trying to push down the overwhelming confusion inside me. I crawled under the covers, back to my spot beside him, even though every fiber of my being wanted to be somewhere else, with someone else.