the lost - kam kotlc human au

TAM

Do you want me or do you not?
I heard one thing, now I'm hearing another

Happiness is a butterfly
I try to catch it like every night
It escapes from my hands into moonlight

Looking into his eyes, I think he's already hurt

The stage fright is getting to me today. There are so many people watching. If I make just the tiniest mistake, they'll see it. If I frown or act sad or tired, they'd pick it apart and write articles speculating why.

Thankfully, Keefe trips and I'm too amused with that to have a panic attack. I owe him one, I guess.

When the choreo allows, I make eye contact with him and smirk. He rolls his eyes when the audience can't see.

I actually do kill it, but I can do the dances on autopilot. Each move is stained into my memory, and I know every lyric by heart.

It's monotonous, honestly. The songs are your typical pop track, and the lyrics are just stuff we didn't even write about random girls. I'm supposedly singing about Biana.

I'd rather sing about... yeah, no.

I've helped with some of lyrics, but it's not really my style. I'd rather write, like, folk pop or sad rock or whatever. Not this shit.

So I mostly just write songs for myself and don't share them with Forkle or Alden.

The last song ends and breaks my train of thought. Yeah, I know the songs that well that I can just zone out while performing.

I don't even get any cool vocals. I can go high, and have a huge range, but Alden doesn't want to utilize that apparently. Going up an octave or two doesn't fit the "bad boy" vibe he has going for me, I guess.

I walk off behind Keefe. "I was right. I killed it, and you tripped," I remind him, laughing.

He grins- genuinely, I think, and I don't see that a lot. "Hey, I didn't break my foot!"

"Which is good," Fitz reminds me. "He needs to be able to perform."

"I think they'll make me perform even with a broken foot, Fitzy." Keefe says it with a laugh, but he's not really joking. It's probably true.

"Damn, my plan won't work, then," I say, shaking my head. I snap my fingers. "Rats," I said for shits and giggles.

"Rats? No way you just said that." Keefe looks at me incredulously and stifles a giggle.

"What did you want me to say? Aw, shucks? Dagnabbit?" I roll my eyes.

"Fuckity fuck fuck?" Fitz suggests.

"Yes, that one," Keefe agrees. "But no swearing in front of Dex, remember?" He covers the strawberry blonde's ears.

Dex rolls his eyes. "Go to hell, Keefe."

"Such foul language!" Sophie says, and tsks us, wagging a finger.

"Men are barbarians. All those explicit words." Marella grins at us.

"Boys, not men, Mare," Linh corrects.

"A lady never swears," Biana proclaims, curtsying for effect.

"But, Biana, you swear all the time," Fitz protests.

"Bullshit," I call at the same time.

She smiles prettily at both of us. "Fuck you," she says, very passive aggressively. I blow her a kiss.

"Yeah honestly, you girls are ones to talk. Actually, I don't know that I've ever heard Linh swear, but the rest of you..."

"Actually, Linh swears all the time. It's really funny."

"Shut up." Linh shoves me a little bit.

We all actually shut up when the door opens.

"Keefe." Alden's voice rings through the room.

Keefe winces, and Fitz and Biana's eyes snap to their dad.

"Yes?" Keefe asks.

"What was that? You should know this routine better than the back of your hand. Why'd you trip?" Alden's voice is light, but he's disappointed.

"I messed up. I'm sorry. It won't happen again. I won't let you down again, I promise. I'm sorry." He looks at the floor and chews on his lip.

He looks hot, but he's like, all sad, and I really wanna just give him a hug, but that would be weird, and... stop it.

"It's fine, Keefe. Just try to remember that coordination and focus on your performing. Anyway, we have to board the plane soon, see you guys down in ten?"

Our private jet. We're so fancy. Yay.

We agree, and soon enough, we're boarding the plane.

It's a short flight, and we all just stick earbuds in to listen to music, or read or nap. In my case, I'm pretending to sleep so I don't have to talk to people.

I actually do end up falling asleep, and wake up just as we're about to land. Linh and I say our goodbyes, and take an Uber home.

Home.

It wasn't always, but it is now. We live with our adoptive parents, Prentice and Tiergan, and brother, Wylie. Prentice is Wylie's dad, and his mom died when he was little, but Prentice went to jail for some racist bullshit for a while, so Tiergan, Prentice's best friend, adopted him, and he married Prentice later, and blah, blah, blah. Then they fostered me and Linh, and we got adopted.

Anyway. It's home.

We're finally home.