Angler Fish

Chapter Two: Part 3

"Finally, another school day over" I sigh to myself, stretching out the tension in my shoulders as I head to my desk. The familiar hum of my laptop boots up as I settle into my chair, already feeling a mix of exhaustion and anticipation.

I start typing Roman's username into the search bar, each letter a small leap into the unknown. What am I even looking for? Maybe a clue, a hint that things have changed between him and his girl. Melie mentioned he took down that picture, and I have to know if it's true. My fingers hesitate over the keys before I press enter.

The screen refreshes, and there it is—no sign of that picture. Melie was right; he really did take it down. Does that mean they really broke up? My mind races with possibilities. I had unadded him because of the whole Diaz fiasco, trying to distance myself from the mess, but things are different now, aren't they? It should be fine to try and connect. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? Oh well, YOLO.

I hover the mouse over the 'ADD' button, my heart pounding in my chest. I click, and as soon as I do, I quickly look away from the computer screen, almost as if I'm afraid it might explode. I feel a rush of nerves, an intense wave of excitement and dread. Even when he isn't around, Roman has this effect on me. He really has me hooked, and it's both exhilarating and terrifying.

"I have to get my mind off him," I mutter to myself, pushing away the swirling thoughts as I head to my rolling tray. The familiar routine of preparing to roll a joint is almost comforting in its simplicity. There's something therapeutic about the process—the way the paper feels between my fingers, the scent of the herb as I break it down. It's like a ritual, a way to distract myself from all the emotions I can't quite handle.

As I'm getting ready to roll, the sharp sound of a notification from my laptop cuts through the quiet. My heart skips a beat, and I freeze mid-motion, the joint half-formed in my hands. I slowly turn my head towards the screen, a mixture of hope and anxiety bubbling up inside me.

*Romansk8s has added you back*

He added me back—holy shit, HE ADDED ME BACK!

I can barely contain the excitement that bubbles up inside me. My mind starts racing again, but this time with thoughts of what could happen next. "Okay, relax, Serenity, stay calm," I whisper to myself, trying to temper the surge of emotions threatening to overwhelm me. It's just a follow, nothing more, right? I need to chill and not get too carried away. But despite my efforts to stay composed, a smile stretches across my face. I can't help it—I'm thrilled, maybe even a little giddy.

My mind immediately starts plotting. How can I get his attention now? I want him to notice me, to see me in a way that's more than just another person on his friends list. Before I can talk myself out of it, I open up the app and start drafting a post. The words flow almost too easily, a boldness that surprises even me.

"If you heart my pictures, I am just going to assume you want to kiss ;)"

I stare at the screen, suddenly unsure. Is this too forward? Too desperate? A wave of self-doubt washes over me. I know I have a tendency to overthink things, to let my anxiety get the best of me. I've been holding back for too long, constantly second-guessing myself. "Just do it, post it," I tell myself, trying to push past the fear. I hover over the 'Post' button, my finger trembling slightly as I contemplate the decision.

Finally, I take a deep breath and click 'Post.' The moment the post goes live, a mix of adrenaline and nerves floods my system. I quickly close the laptop, as if that might somehow make the decision less real, less final. I feel a strange mix of excitement and terror, knowing that I've put myself out there in a way that can't be taken back.

I return to my rolling tray, lighting up the half-rolled joint in my hand, trying to calm my racing thoughts. The familiar haze of smoke fills the air, and I inhale deeply, hoping it will help settle the chaos in my mind. I turn the radio on and play one of my favorite songs, "Boa" by Duvet. The familiar melody fills the room, wrapping around me like a comforting blanket. As the music plays, I feel my anxiety slowly begin to melt away, replaced by the soothing rhythm of the song and the calming sensation of the weed entering my lungs. Each inhale brings a sense of peace, each exhale a release of the tension that's been weighing me down.

My mind drifts back to the day I first saw Roman, the memory as vivid as if it happened yesterday. I remember the way my heart fluttered uncontrollably, the electric shock that ran through my body when our eyes locked for the first time. It was like time stopped for a moment, and all I could see was him. Even now, the thought of it makes my pulse quicken.

Oh, how I want him to hold me close, to feel his strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me in until there's no space left between us. I imagine his hands on my waist, the gentle pressure of his touch as he draws me nearer, his breath warm against my ear as he whispers sweet nothings that send shivers down my spine. I can almost feel the softness of his lips against mine, each kiss deepening the connection between us, melting away my worries with every tender touch. My face blushes and I feel my body's temperature rising.

The music continues to play, blending with the haze of smoke that surrounds me, and I let myself get lost in the fantasy for a little while longer. It's a comforting escape, a world where everything feels right, where Roman is mine and all the chaos of the day fades into the background. A literal dream.

Then, a familiar noise pulls me out of my daydream—the notification chime from my laptop.

1 new message

"A message? This late? From who?" I wonder aloud as I quickly open it.

From: Romansk8s

"I would heart it."

My eyes widen, and my heart races so fast I feel like I might pass out. He fucking responded to my post. I can't help but squeal like a little girl, excitement bubbling up uncontrollably. Damn, what do I do? What do I say? I didn't think he would actually respond. Okay, calm down, be cool. I can't sound desperate, can't let him know I'm obsessed with him.

Me:

"What is that supposed to mean? ;)"

I hit send and immediately regret it, my fingers hovering over the keyboard, waiting for his reply. The seconds stretch on like hours, my mind racing with a thousand thoughts. Then, finally, his response comes through.

From: Romansk8s

"IDK ;)"

I don't know? Ugh, he's totally playing with me right now, and I love it.

Me:

"Hmm, I think you do know."

I hit send, my heart pounding in anticipation. The playful back-and-forth is intoxicating, a thrilling game of cat and mouse where every word feels loaded with possibility.

From: Romansk8s

"Nah"

Nah? NAH? Are you kidding me? My heart sinks, and a wave of confusion and embarrassment crashes over me. What just happened? I stare at the screen in disbelief, my mind spinning. Was I delusional in thinking he was flirting with me? I quickly scroll up and re-read our conversation, searching for clues.

No, I'm sure he was hinting that he wanted to kiss—why else would he say he would heart my picture? The way he played along with the winky faces, it all seemed like harmless flirting. But now he's acting like he doesn't know what he's implying, like it was all just a joke. My excitement deflates like a popped balloon.

Maybe I got too excited, read too much into it. A small part of me feels crushed, like I've been played. I overanalyze every word, every emoji, trying to figure out where I went wrong. I thought we were connecting, that there was something more there, but now I feel foolish, like I was chasing a fantasy.

What do I even say now? Do I play it cool, pretend I'm not bothered, or do I call him out? My fingers hover over the keyboard, unsure of my next move, feeling more vulnerable than ever.