TO HAVE AND HAVE NOT

17

Olivia

When I say our relationship turned toxic, I mean in the way a snake's venom is toxic or how food poisoning can devastate the body; it crept in quietly and insidiously, first manifesting as a feeling of discomfort that I brushed off as a typical relationship woe.

At first, it seemed harmless, a mere disagreement over trivial matters, but soon, those minor squabbles morphed into something far more sinister and damaging.

Just as a snake's venom is not immediately lethal but can slowly paralyze its prey, our exchanges became laced with venomous words and spiteful silences that eroded the trust and affection we once shared. What once felt like the excitement of a new adventure became the suffocating weight of dread, each interaction like a bite that injected poison into my heart.

The initial thrill of our connection was quickly overshadowed by emotional manipulation and bitterness, akin to the way food poisoning leads to nausea and despair, transforming what was once nourishing and fulfilling into something toxic that left me feeling empty and sickened.

I stood in front of the camera, heart racing and mind swirling, embodying a woman entangled in sheer turmoil, a nightmare of emotions churning within me.

The scene required a deep reservoir of pain, and it was all too easy for me to tap into that well of sadness that perpetually lingered just beneath my skin, a ghost of past traumas that never really faded away.

As I delivered the lines, each word felt heavy with sorrow, a raw rendition of a life burdened by loss and betrayal. "Cut!" Collin shouted, his voice echoing in the otherwise quiet space. "Awesome work, Olivia!" he cheered, but the applause felt hollow against the storm inside me.

I couldn't contain it anymore; tears streamed down my cheeks as the memories surged forward unbidden. The haunting thought of my mother's absence stabbed at my heart like a dagger, leaving me gasping for air. Then there was the shadow of what Mr. Waters had done—his betrayal still fresh in my mind, his actions echoing in the darkest corners of my being, a lingering horror that marred my spirit. And Leo's actions behind closed doors replayed in my mind like an endless loop, stirring a cocktail of anger, confusion, and pain. "Olivia?" Collin's voice broke through my reverie, but it was too late; my legs took off, propelled by an overwhelming need to escape, and before I knew it, I was sprinting towards my trailer, the chaos of my thoughts racing faster than my feet could carry me.

"She's fine," I heard Tommy say, his tone soothing yet urgent as he chased after me, trying to bridge the gap between emotional turmoil and professional etiquette. "Come here. Come here. Let's get you in the dressing room," he urged, catching up to me and gently pulling me inside, shielding me from the world outside.

The door shut behind us, a temporary sanctuary from the scrutiny, but inside, all I could feel was the relentless tide of emotions crashing against the walls of my composure, leaving me trapped in a whirlwind of grief and fear, desperately seeking solace in the stillness of the familiar space that had become both my refuge and my prison.

Tommy held me in his warm embrace as I cried into his chest, my tears soaking the fabric of his shirt. The world around us faded, reduced to a blur of colors and sounds that no longer mattered. I had already confided in him long ago about my troubles—the weight of my burdens, the darkness that often enveloped me, and the overwhelming sense of helplessness that seemed to rise each day. I had bared my soul, revealing the fractures that marred my spirit, and he had listened, his eyes filled with understanding and compassion. But deep down, I knew it was too late for him to save me; I had spiraled too far into my abyss, drowning in thoughts that tangled and twisted like vicious vines around my heart.

What Tommy could offer me now was not the salvation I once craved but something perhaps just as profound—his unwavering support. And he delivered it in abundance, his strong arms wrapping around me in a cocoon of safety, a silent promise that even if I were lost, he would remain right beside me, a steadfast lighthouse guiding me through the stormy seas of my mind.