TO HAVE AND HAVE NOT

26

Johnny

I quickly returned to my trailer, my mind swirling with a jumble of exhilarating and bewildering emotions. When the door shut behind me, I plopped down on the couch, tilting my head back against the cushions as I tried to regain my composure.

Just then, Steve walked inside with that typical swagger that filled the space with a spark of liveliness. I glanced up at him briefly, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks, before resigning myself to the comfort of my couch, unwilling to confront the rush of feelings still coursing through me. I could hear the playful lilt of his Australian accent as he observed my state, teasing me with a simple, "Flustered, are we?"

The laughter that escaped my lips was a confession and a relief as I covered my face with my hands, half-amused and half-embarrassed. "It's been three years since I've kissed someone like that. I should have considered that before this scene," I admitted, still feeling that electric connection lingers on my lips.

He jumped on the chance to tease me further, suggesting that he could find a pretty girl to help ease my 'problems,' I couldn't help but chuckle, shaking my head in mock horror. "God, no. I can handle my own sexual frustration," I shot back, my voice laced with humor.

His reaction was priceless, his face twisting into feigned disgust at my candidness. In a moment of impulsive vulnerability, I found myself pivoting the conversation. "Would you go by her trailer and ask her to come over to mine?" I blurted, surprising even myself.

His eyes widened, the surprise quickly replaced by a hint of skepticism. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" he asked, concerned.

I reassured him, "It's not like that. She's way too young for me. I just want to clear the air. This sort of thing happens occasionally between actors," I explained, trying to dispel any notions he might have had.

But Steve wasn't letting this go easily. "Yeah, I am aware, Johnny. So do other things," he shot back, narrowing his eyes at me.

When I sighed and exclaimed, "She's 19 years old!" he was quick to counter, "That didn't stop Bogart." His remark hung in the air, a blend of jest and reality, and I couldn't help but wonder about the complexities of age and attraction in this chaotic world we navigated.

When Steve finally returned to tell me that Olivia would be arriving soon, a wave of urgency crashed over me, prompting me to shed my character's attire frantically. The fabric seemed to cling to me as if it were a second skin, but I managed to strip it away, quickly pulling on my clothes in a mixture of anxiety and anticipation.

Just as I completed the transformation, I heard a faint knock at the door, jolting me to my feet as adrenaline surged through my veins. I opened the door to find her standing there—no longer in her character's costume but as Olivia herself, exuding warmth and authenticity. My heart lifted, and a genuine smile spread across my face at the sight of her. "Hey, come inside," I said, stepping back to usher her in, watching her glide past me.

As she settled onto the couch, I marveled at how effortlessly she took up space, her presence filling the room with an unspoken energy that made everything feel alive. I joined her on the couch, an air of seriousness suddenly enveloping us as I needed to clarify my earlier actions on set. "I just wanted to apologize if I came onto you too much back on set. I just got so engrossed in what Bogart may have been going through that I just wanted to ensure you were okay. I love how we work together, and I never want to do anything that would make you feel uncomfortable around me," I confessed almost breathlessly.

She turned to me, her gaze steady and compassionate, and reached out, her hand resting softly on mine, squeezing gently as if to reassure me. "Johnny, don't worry about it. There's no reason to apologize because you didn't make me uncomfortable. You're being true to the character, and so am I. So don't worry about it," she replied, her smile bright and sincere, though I could feel an undercurrent of tension in the air.

Deep down, a faint realization flickered within me; we were both dancing around the truth, weaving a web of white lies to convince ourselves that the strong connection brewing between us was nothing more than a byproduct of our roles. Yet an undeniable force was pulling us closer, a magnetic tension that neither of us seemed willing to confront directly.

The two of us sat on the couch for a bit, laughing about the amusing chaos that had unfolded on set that day. It was hard to believe how clumsy I had been, spilling my freshly poured coffee all over the floor like a rookie, while Collin erupted into laughter right in the middle of our scene, completely thrown off by something humorous the lighting crew had said. It was these light-hearted moments that made the long hours of filming so much more enjoyable.

With a playful smirk, I turned to her and asked, "So, what's your story?"

"My story?" she echoed, a hint of curiosity glimmering in her eyes.

"Who is Olivia Moore? Not the one on Google," I added, testing the waters of her willingness to share.

"Oh, so you've googled me?" she shot back with a teasing grin, and I couldn't help but chuckle, raising my hands in mock surrender.

"Guilty. I want to know everything about you. You're the most alluring and intriguing person I've ever met in my entire life," I blurted out before I could even consider how forward it sounded.

The moment hung in the air, and she laughed, clearly trying to lighten the mood. "There's no way that's true," she replied skeptically. "I am not the most intriguing person you've ever met in your entire life when I know you've met so many other people."

I shook my head, unwavering, and insisted, "No, I'm serious. There's no one else that I have met that compares to you. How did you become a Broadway star before you even got into high school? How did you win an Oscar at 17? How do you achieve all that and remain the most down-to-earth, funny, gentle soul you are? I absolutely need to know." I paused, feeling vulnerable in my honesty. "Because honestly, I couldn't pull it off when I first became famous. It took me a long time to truly understand humility, and it wasn't until I became a father that I connected back to the genuine essence of Johnny."

There was a weight in my words, a yearning for her insight into how she managed to retain such authenticity in a world that often demands masks and façades, and in the back of my mind, I wondered if her story held the key to a deeper understanding of not just her life, but perhaps mine as well.