I saw them smile again. I saw them laugh and share stories and eat just like they used to. It felt amazing, it felt as if we had reversed the clock, all the way back to SHINee's pre debut days. Before I became their dance instructor, I was just their friend, training to become an idol, just like everyone else. It was only until I had been training for two years, that I decided I didn't want to be an idol, I didn't want to have 'all eyes on me.' So instead, I helped my friends, I worked behind the scenes, seeing every single hardship and argument. The boys had done so much for me, and I had done so much for them. We were closer to each other than we were with our own families.
We ate, and we laughed, and we talked, until our bellies were stuffed full.
"Thank you y/n" Onew spoke unexpectedly, during a rare moment of silence, "we are all so thankful. Without you, I don't know, we probably would have ended up in hospital." He laughed, as if this was a joke, but we all knew that it was true. "Yeah, I'm so lucky to have such great friends. That's all I wanted to say I guess." He looked at the ground, smiling, as everyone else nodded their heads, whilst they stared into oblivion, away with their thoughts.
We sat and talked for a while longer, letting our food digest before we started practice.
"Alright! I have ideas. Everyone get up and into your starting positions." I said whilst I slapped my hands together, signalling the start of practice. The boys all obediently stood where they should, "Ok. You pretty much know the basics for the choreo right?"
"Yes!" They all said in unison.
"Ok. Your last comeback was when? One year ago? We can't just stick to the same old thing. We need to do something different. Something that says 'This. Is. SHINee.' Ok?" The boys shook their heads in agreement.
We got straight into practice. Although I myself, could not dance, they could still understand me, and were patient. We worked hard until the sun had set, sweaty and tired by the end of it. "Great work today boys! Now we are getting somewhere!" I said enthusiastically, with a smile shining across my face.
In that moment the manager walked in, looking flustered and surprised. "What? Why did I just get a call from the CEO, informing me that Mr Kim is demanding the rest of his promised pay? Demanding extra for his troubles! Jinki you better start explaining to me what has just happened." The manager was beaming with anger and confusion, all rolled into one.
"Ah. Yes that. Um. Well." Onew stuttered, trying to get his words straight.
"Its my fault" I announced, "he was treating them badly, and I couldn't handle it. You know how long I have known these boys, they are like family to me. Regardless of my injury, I will get the job done. I will train them myself." Silence swept over the room, as the manager stared at me in awe. His presence did not sway me, as my face remained still, my mind was made up, whether he liked it or not.
He was a nice guy, he was harsh at times, but what's a good manager if he can't handle being the boss? He had a kind heart, and I could see that, he too, cared for SHINee.
The manager let out a sigh, "ok. Ok y/n. But how will you do this? You can barely even walk." His voice was soft, as he spoke slowly, his body loosening up.
"I can do it." I assured him.
We all returned back to SHINees dorm, hungry and tired from the day that had just passed.
"What's for dinner?" Beamed Taemin, slumping down onto the soft leather couch with his arms outstretched.
"Pizza?" Key suggested, he spoke as if it was a question.
"Nah. I'll cook." Stated Onew, who was standing at the front door still, locking the door and taking off his shoes.
"But we don't have anything. The fridge is practically bare." It was Jong who spoke this time, he was standing in front of the wide open fridge, scanning the shelves with his eyes.
"I guess I'll have to go out." Onew said whilst scuffing up his hair and squinting tiredly. "I'll be back soon, get yourselves cleaned up."
"You're going by yourself hyung?" Taemin questioned.
"I'll go." I stated. "We'll go together. It will be done in half the time"
Soon we were both walking the streets together, with the cold wind blowing my hair all around my face. "Thank you. For today I mean." Onew spoke suddenly, "the boys really appreciate it. I felt responsible for their suffering, I'm their leader you know? I'm supposed to lead them." I stayed silent, waiting for Onew to say something more, but the conversation returned to silence.
"If it was going to be anyone's fault, it would be mine." I decided to speak after awhile, deciding that it wasn't right for me to not reply.
Onew just shook his head, and focused on walking, not that walking is anything that required focus.
We arrived at the local shop, Onew opening the door for me, and allowing me to walk in. We scrambled around, picking up items and placing them into the basket.
We left with our hands full of bags, and Onew's wallet nearly empty. I had offered to pay, but got flatly refused.
We walked in the crisp nights air, in silence, the only noise being our shoes against the pavement and the crumpling of plastic bags.
"I know that you probably don't want to talk about this. In fact, you might have already forgotten. But, I just wanted to apologize." It was Onew who broke the silence, and I stared up at him, confused. "For the other day I mean. I shouldn't have approached you like that, I probably ruined our friendship." Onew looked down at the ground at his words, feeling himself grow angry as he remembered what he did to me. "I just wanted to say, that you don't have to worry. It won't happen again. I can promise you that." We were almost back to the dorm by this moment, and I felt my heart fold in on itself.
He continued speaking, "I just, I don't want this to ruin our friendship. I mean, we have been so close for so long, and I hope that this one incident hasnt messed the whole thing up." But in ways, it had. It had messed things up. My brain was jumbled with emotions. It sounds silly, but I had began to develop feelings, actual feelings for Onew, and I could tell, that it was more than friendly feelings.
I couldn't say this. I can't just confess, after he has just sworn to never try anything on me again. It was over.
Its ok. Things will go back to normal. We can be friends, just like before.
These thoughts swam around in my head, before my brain was flooded with a strange emotion. 'What if I don't want to be friends? What if I said, that I couldn't possibly face him everyday, and pretend to be just friends?' If I didn't say something now, then it would be too late. I had to tell him how I felt.
We arrived at the front door for their apartment, and I had still not said a word.
"Of course," I said with a fake smile, "of course we are still friends." I regretted my words instantly.
What had I just done?
Chapter 3 end
