I was standing on my balcony and looking over the vast, dark pride ring as he looked down at his hands, worried why they were shaking. I was looking up at the stars, they looked beautiful tonight as I fell towards the floor sat in a miserable state with sorrow creeping over me like a ever long lasting shadow. The lack of sleep was really getting to me... 'It's fine Alastor just stay awake' I spoke to myself sitting on my balcony looking down over the edge.. 'Alastor stop it' I pulled myself up leaning onto the railing and looking up at the stars. They where so pretty at night, some people thought hell was only death, blood, guns, murder but.. Even beautiful things could be in hell.
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Ugh my head hurts so much. I walked over to my bed side table and took some ✨paracetamol ✨ to ease the pain, I glanced over at my mirror and saw that my appearance had changed from my lack of sleep, 'Lucifer's going to notice..' I thought you myself as I took a bit of makeup Rosie had given to me to try ✨😋💅 and put some under my eyes so Lucifer wouldn't see how tired I was. 'Hopefully that will work' I said as I walked down the stairs and headed to the lobby as some of the residents (Angel, Husk, Cherri,Charlie, Lucifer, Vaggie, Nifty etc) Where partying, I think it was because they got a new resident. (aka Cherri)
I quietly walked past all of them hoping none noticed, but obviously one had to... Ugh Husk. "Hey boss" He walked up to me and looked me up and down. "Forget that, why do you look so tired-?" I looked at him. "I have not a single clue! What your talking about Husker." As I walked away and towards the kitchen because I wanted to get a cup of tea, I saw Husk walk away and whisper in Lucifer's ear who was obviously mad at the time from the party. I turned my back and started to make my cup of tea hearing someone walking towards me like they where wearing boots. "Hello." I turned around to see what I had imagined.. A mad king of hell. "Hi." I started heading in the opposite direction walking towards my room not bothered by Lucifer following me, even though I wanted to be left alone. He tapped me on my shoulder as I turned around so see what he wanted, he was the king of hell after all I had to obey him. "Hm?" . "Can I talk to you? " I opened my door and walked inside putting my hot tea on my bed side table and grabbing a book, heading to the balcony. I looked over the railings. "Yes of course you can." I yawned while walking over to get my tea and I sat down on my bed waiting for Lucifer to speak. "Well uh.. I just don't understand how this could all work out for us.... I've thought about it and I think this is... for the best.." I choked a bit on my tea looking over at him in shock and disbelief. "Y- You what-?" I wiped my face and sat down looking at Lucifer confused. He raised his head looking at me like he ment what he had said. All this time. All this love. All this effort. All these sacrifices. Where for nothing?.......
"Wait so.... All of my effort I put into this is being... Wasted?" He looked at me guilty. "W- Well u- uhm" I stood up and put my tea to the side and waited for him to speak up and see what he had to say for himself. 'Was it all just a roleplay?' I asked myself while looking down at Lucifer with a tear in my eye. "Wouldn't work out?! Do you even know! How much I've sacrificed?!" ........ "N- No Al! I- I" I turned to look towards my balcony and stood there for a second just staring at my balcony. ..... "But Al.... You don't know how much I had to sacrifice as well. " He walked up behind me and as soon as I felt his touch I spoke. "Lucifer please leave I need time.." The king looked at me and I was facing my balcony. "Well I'm coming back later!!!" "If you like it or NOT!" "BECAUSE I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH YOUR HURTING, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH I'VE DONE FOR YOU!!!" ........ ........ ........ ........ ........ There was a long pause.... A very long pause.... "Alastor......?" ............. "Lucifer do you even know... How much I have tried... Just to make things for you." He looked up at me with my back still turned to him. "ALASTOR YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!!" I covered my face. "Lucifer please.. Just leave." His horns appeared on his head as he looked at me, with anger, just pure anger in his eyes, nothing else.... Just anger.. His wings grew out as my ears fell backwards just wanting to be left alone. "I'VE DONE EVEY THING FOR YOU!" "HELPED YOU! SAVED YOU! CARED FOR YOU!" "And your just RUNNING AWAY?!" ................
"Oh funny the silent treatment HM?" "I ALL WAYS KNEW YOU WHERE JUST A DISGUSTING SINNER!"
...
Those words broke me as I fell to my knees on my balcony with my knees up to my chest and my ears pinned back, due to the sadness dwelling inside me. I started crying tons as what he had just said rung in my head like a endless alarm clock that was forgotten and never turned off. Lucifer saw me do this and he almost felt bad for me and regretted evey thing he said as my shadows pushed him out the door and slammed it behind him and Locked it so Lucifer couldn't come back inside, My shadow's know me so well.... I was crying whith my knees up against my chest on my balcony forgetting that everyone that looked hard enough could probably see me crying right now. But I didn't really care about people seeing me crying. My eyes where glistening from my tears and also the shooting stars above me. It was a full moon tonight, I was thinking of spending it with Lucifer.... But..... *sigh* I couldn't.
If only people atually cared about me for once, but nobody never understood me, I really thought Lucifer understood me but I guess not any more. I was so confused and broken but the fact he did this it was so hard to keep my smile up for the unseen suspector. I wished I could just stop, why'd I make that deal? Was a question I asked myself every night and every day, I just don't know why people don't understand me... I'm just hoping that Lucifer was drunk, and he wasn't atually meaning all the words he said to me, they still rang in my head... "I all ways knew you where just a disgusting sinner...." I whispered to myself then standing up and closing my balcony doors and curtains. I headed over to my desk and grabbed my tea and started drinking it again, I was tired but didn't feel like sleeping. I didn't want to at all, how could anyone sleep after what had just happened.
I had told all of my secrets to that guy, and now...... Who knows what he will do with them if he's still mad at me, for God knows reason. Maybe someone had pissed him off at the party they where hosting down stairs. Either way, it still didn't explain why he acted like this. Something must be wrong, I mean he'd never atually do this? Right? I was sipping my tea while sitting on my desk wondering what to do next, all of my evenings I had asually spent with Lucifer so it was very confusing when I didn't have him with me, or talking to me about the most randonest things. But I liked those conversations.
I got up leaving my tea on my desk and grabbed my diary and a pen then sat on my bed as I wrote about what happened.
Dear diary~
Today I don't really know what to say about what happened between me and Lucifer but all I can say is I don't think he likes me any more with his exact words spoken of. "I all ways knew you where a disgusting sinner" And as he said those words with ever so grace but full of anger I didn't know what to do anymore as I just cried, not knowing what to do. I really did think that someone cared for me, that someone loved for me, I was atually where I was meant to be for once... But of course all good things all ways come to a end. But this good thing, I wanted it to last forever. Forever........ But I don't think he wants this to last forever, or maybe it's just me wanting this little picture perfect fantasy.... But to me that's what it was... Perfect just the way it was.
