The Psychology of love: Understanding The heart and Mind

Chapter 1: Theories of Love

Love is an emotion that has intrigued humans for centuries, resulting in endless poems, songs and other stories. However, for all the power it wields in human existence, few emotions are as difficult to conceptualize and describe as love. This is a question that psychologists have been struggling to comprehend for decades and as such, there are with numerous theories trying to explain what love actually is, how it comes into being and the reason why longevity of love persists.

The Triangular Theory of Love:
A more popular theory of this kind is the Triangular Theory of Love, developed by Robert Sternberg (1986), proposing that love can be conceptualized as consisting with three components: intimacy, passion and commitment.

Sternberg believed that these three components could be combined in different ways to create 7 types of love.

Intimacy consists of closeness, emotional bonding and connectedness Passion, as humankind knows, it consists of the urges that take us through to love, desire and have successful sexual maturation.

Commitment is the choice to love, and keep loving a person for worse as well as the better.

This balance can shift over the course of a relationship to produce different forms of love, including infatuation (low intimacy and commitment), companionate love (low passion), and consummate spiritual feeling or divine experience manifested by this behavior.

Attachment Theory:
A second lens through which to examine love is attachment theory, based on the work of John Bowlby (1982), expanded by Mary Ainsworth. This perspective would propose that the ties we establish in early life with our primary caregivers shape how -when older- biblical daily attachments will be formed later on.

A secure attachment relationship consists of trust, a feeling of safety and the right mixture between stability/power-sharing. These characteristically include an over-dependence on any relationships we have; if another person takes too long to respond, or gives new meaning these anxieties and the response spirals until validation is finally received.

People with avoidant attachment have a fear of depending on others and allow other to get too close, which can create emotional distance. Your attachment style can also impact you romantically (and why dating is a bitch), because it helps to make sense of your behavior in intimate relationships.

Lee's Love Styles & Primary Colors of (Love): Another popular theory was introduced by psychologist John Lee who for the first time identified six love styles (Colors of Love) indicating that each has a different way to express their love. Like colors these styles can mix together, and be experienced in a myriad of ways within an intimate relationship.

Eros (Romantic Love): Eros is known for its extremes of passion and intensity, but also depth. This is a style that many associate with the excitement of falling in love. Eros Lovers are those swept up by physical attraction and connected just as quickly — but this type of love is more fickle, because it hangs on the smallest alarms—an out-of-adjust radiator target ablaze—reflecting away.

Ludus (Game-Playing Love): Ludus describes a love that may come across as game-playing. People who show sign of Ludic love perceive dating like a game: they play to win, are good at juggling few relationships at once and have may difficulty getting deeply involved emotionally. This type of pattern also generates excitement but it can lead to shallow relationships and emotional disconnection.

Storge (Emphasize love depending on friendship): Storge love develops over time through friendship, shared values and emotional intimacy. Storge is more stable and lasting, not as fiery as Eros for example but based on mutual appreciation of exceptions between its people. It result to loving relationships and eventually best friend partners.

Pragma (Practical Love): Pragma is pragmatic (that was redundant), and works towards compatibility and long-term goals. Persons with a Pragmatic view of love search for partners who meet specific criteria; life goals, social backgrounds and lifestyle are taken into consideration. This kind is much less of a heart-on-the-sleeve that needs intensity, and utter devotedness — as it is more about cool headed solutions for the long haul.

Mania (Obsessive Love): Mania is a high-school crush, all-consuming love that makes you feel like the best and worst version of yourself. Manic lovers are often engulfed by this, in terms of jealousy and fear of abandonment. It is an unhealthy form of love since it comes from the place of dependency and low self-esteem.

Agape (Selfless Love): Love (Agape): Agape is a detached concern for the well-being of others. They are generally selflessly motivated, putting the well-being of their partner far and above considerations regarding themselves. Such a love is noble, but it can also lead to self-sacrifice - neglect of one's needs and desires.

Each of these love styles presents a way to view the multiple ways we as humans feel and experience love. Of course, few if any people are precisely one style or the other; rather most present as a combination of things that shift over time and from partner to partner.

Social Exchange Theory
This theory, the Social Exchange Theory, interprets relationships with an economic model perspective on love. This theory posits that love is a social exchange where people pursue those rewards in love which they lacked in prior life, and make un-love happen when it becomes too costly to continue loving.

Prominent principle of Social exchange theory:

Rewards and Costs-  People will determine a few basic things in any relationship they are indulged into, one of which is — do the benefits I get from this person outweigh the costs? A successful relationship is when benefits exceed the price.

Comparison Level -The standard that individuals use to evaluate their relationships. This metric is a construct of histories and social norms. If a current relationship provides what it is supposed to provide, according to the comparison level for alternatives or their own standard of satisfaction, then the individual will tend to feel satisfied.

Alternative Comparison Level- This notion regards the probable payoffs and costs of alternative relations. And if someone thinks they will do better in another relationship, it is more like to move on from their partner.

In the context of relationships, this means that people. The text highlights how personal expectations and the ongoing evaluation of pros and cons are key to keeping love alive.

The Biological Basis of Love.
Beyond psychological theories, love is also rooted in biology. It's all about different chemicals and brain wires getting all tangled up.

Oxytocin and vasopressin, also known as the "love hormones," are super important for making connections and sticking together.

Oxytocin pops out when you hug, kiss, or get it on, and it's all about feeling close and trusty.

Vasopressin is linked to long-term commitment and monogamous behavior.

Dopamine: is a brain chemical that makes you feel super happy and excited when you're just starting to fall for someone. New love can feel super exciting, kind of like when you're on a high from something addictive.

Serotonin: When you're just starting to fall for someone, your brain might make you think about them a lot, and that's because your serotonin levels drop. This focus and fixation in new relationships resembles the intense concentration seen in people with obsessive-compulsive disorder.

The brain's happy zone: Commonly called Dopamine its acts when you're in love, it lights up parts of your noggin that make you feel good, like the VTA and the caudate nucleus. These spots in the brain are like magnets for love, making us feel good and pushing us to keep our love lives going strong.

Grasping the biological roots of love helps explain why it can be a strong and sometimes uncontrollable force. These highs and lows are a natural part of the human experience and can be influenced by various factors such as communication, trust, and personal growth.