I love you to death.

Chapter 1: The funeral

I was never expecting to be at a funeral for someone that was not my grandparents at seventeen.
Death. It is such a weird concept, isn't it? Where do we go? What happens to our souls? Do we leave earth? Is heaven real? Does anything happen at all? Or are we simply destined to decompose? I think people believe in heaven and hell in order to comfort themselves because we don't truly know what happens, unless we actually experience it for ourselves.
I do not have an answer for you. I think about it a lot though, It sometimes keeps me up at night.
   
    Black. Everywhere.
I look to the right. my mother Leslie, who already has mascara stains on her perfectly pink blushed cheeks. To my left, my father Oliver and sister Josie sitting there,who were never big into social interactions were looking around the room and whispering about how they like the stain glass windows of the church.
My sister was always so beautiful, Even when she did not try. I wish I was more like her. Josie always knew how to carry herself with confidence. Her hair had to be perfect. Her curly auburn locks that almost went down to the middle of her back is favourite to braid. I have hair that looks like golden straw. Thin and brittle and that does not hold curls at all no matter how much hairspray I use.
Hudson loved my hair. He always would tie little slipknots on the ends that I would find after we hung out as a reminder of him. I would do anything to find one of those tight little knots again.

    Hudson Peters is (was?) the love of my life. Or so I think, he's my first boyfriend. He is the only love I have ever had. He made me feel like someone in this fucked up world actually understands me. My family never did. My father, Oliver is a psychologist who psycho analyzes me anytime I breathe differently. My mother on the other hand is too busy with her fashion magazine, bookclubs, tennis and with her assistant, Alex to ever have time to ask Josie and I anything about our personal lives. Oliver and Leslie Jacoby are the epitome of opposites attract. Well, they were. I caught my mother sexting her assistant five months ago and my mother begged me not to tell. We went on a trip to Disneyland a week later, which I'm sure that was a way to try and buy me into silence. I feel bad for my dad, he's a good guy. I just do not know what would happen if they left each other, I feel like my mother would spiral and end up in rehab or something. My dad deserves better, but he does not see it. It is funny, He talks to Narcissists all day long in his office, but is in denial about marrying one.

I look over at Hudson's mom, Steph. She looks exhausted. I bet she has not slept since everything happened. Hudson's brothers Jason and Cohen are beside her dressed in matching suits. A slideshow of Hudson, his family and friends play continuously on the projector screen. I look at Steph and she notices me and gives me a kind smile. I can not imagine how her heart must feel.
Steph was the mom I wished I was born with. She treated me like a daughter before Hudson and I started dating. She was selfless, something that my mom lacked. Hudson was actually friends with Josie which was how we met. We spent hours in his basement talking, watching movies and some awkward rounds of truth or dare.
    The first time I met him is engraved into my brain.
He was wearing a Pink Floyd band tee and jeans. His hair was a little longer to hide the fact he got his ears pierced from Steph, even though he was nineteen and a legal adult. I think he was scared of what she would say. She eventually found out when Cohen told her about it, when Hudson accidentally backed into his bike with the his car.
Hudson entered a room and everyone was instantly happy. Guys wanted to be like him and girls wished they were able to get his attention. I still do not understand why he chose me, when he could have had a girl like Josie or her friends.
We locked eyes and I instantly turned pink. He gave me a smirk
    "Who's the child?" He joked.
I thought he was serious and raised an eyebrow at him.
        "I am only like 2 years younger than y-"
Josie cut me off
        "That is my sister Jaclyn. She comes in peace"
Hudson did a dramatic bow like I was cinderella or something.
    "A pleasure M'lady."