SHE MADE ME LEAVE THE COUNTRY.

I messed up everything

So where did it all started going wrong ? So on April 12 th I ordered few things for her now because of any special occasion or anything but because she was really upset and it was bothering me too that she was really upset and I was in a position wherein I could do nothing so to make her happy or at least that I thought it would make her happy I ordered a few gifts for her . To her maybe it would be like okay I m from a pretty settled family so this amount is nothing but only I knew how hard it was for me to get that money together cause my parents do give me money for things but they would need a clear clarification onto for what or why I need it so for her wasn't something I could really ask for and idk how but I was kinda broke at that time and only I know how much I struggled to get that money together but yeah .
So she was really happy when I send her all those but then my character of messing up things started and I over pressured her to open up abt thinks and it ended up pretty bad . She was upset in general already and on top of which I messed up thinks very bad I hurted her so much  ....then the entire vacation she keep keeping distance from me texted me just twice once for my birthday and once asking abt how the house warming went looking back now that even was much more than enough for me cause now a days she doesn't even bother ..not to mention my birthday this yr wherein I waited from 12 am to 12 pm waiting for a single mess from her but got nothing and it definitely tore my soul but am I not the one to be blamed .
Even when college reopened she send me a text asking if I had came college as he hadn't seen me but then again I was in so much attitude and send a reply like I saw you but did not come to you because I thought you wouldn't wanna see me ...like what is wrong with me ???? Nooo wonder why people always leave me .... From then to now only the distancing had grew and at one point I had made her hate me so much that she even started badmouthing about me to my classmates . All I wanted was her to love me and care for me and where did it all end onto ?
I was so done with all this I wanted to end my life tried so many times but failed in that tooo .
I wanted to run away from all this and out of all this feeling I applied to the fairest colleges as possible and apparently I got in . I am leaving in 10 days idk when or how my feelings for her grew more than the feelings for my parents, my grandparents my dog etc that I decided to run out of everything just for her . It's been almost 2 yrs but it keeps killing me everyday at the thought of how I messed up something so beautiful with her that the person she hates the most is now me . The person who used to talk to me a lot hates even seeing me I don't think I will ever forgive my self but I hope I come out of this feeling cause I cannot take this anymore that day until today (30 th Aug 2024 ) she has only hated me and keeps hating me more no matter how hard I try to fix it .
So I am running away hoping maybe I will either forget you or get over this feeling or maybe atleast you would talk to me just as a random person you know at least and would forgive me 🫠.
So yeah that's all I wanted to end this quick cause I don't have the strength to write everything in detail so it's just a summary in the last chapter I don't wanna remeber all the details again I just don't wanna go through it .
Sorry readers .....but I feel like I have lost in life , I have lost lost everything......if anything any of you could do for me the only request from me to you is pls somehow do the impossible ....pls make her understand I messed up things and I really did not want to mess this bond with her , I with all my heart would only always wish for her best and I will always love her no matter what .
Bye :) .