Shassie One-shots

SALLY

(Yes Sally is from my Genderfluid carlton au in chapter 8)

"Hey babe!" Shawn said excitedly over the phone to his boyfriend. Shawn, Gus and Juliet were all in the station on a fairly ordinary Monday morning. But Carlton was late. Juliet was worried as he was Never late and he hadn't even called in sick or anything so it was very unusual behaviour for him.

"Oh well surely if you throw a few nuts and stuff outside then she'll leave." Shawn spoke into his phone, thoroughly confusing Juliet and Gus who were obviously listening in as he hadn't mentioned this 'babe' girl.

"No I- oh crap!" Shawn said as he dropped his phone on the floor. Suddenly all three of them were bombarded with the sound of a man panickingly yelling at them through the phone. "I need you here! Seriously Shawn she's going to break in and- oh shit! Shawn fucking help me! Oh fuck! She's in the house!" The man kept yelling with the occasional high pitched scream then there was the sound of shattering glass and someone running.

"Okay okay I'm coming Carly!" Shawn shouted back then ended the call and ran out of the station. He did automatically get in the passenger seat of the blueberry though so it was lucky that Gus and Juliet had followed him outside. Gus hopped straight in to the drivers seat and Shawn directed him the whole way.

"Shawn. Why are we going to Lassiter's House? And who was that on the phone?! Oh my goodness was it Carlton?! Are you dating Carlton?!" Juliet asked him but Shawn stayed quiet and focused on getting to his partner as quick as he could. When they arrived the front window, leading to the kitchen was smashed and the kitchen looked like it had been rummaged through thoroughly. No matter how many times they asked, Shawn didn't stop to explain what was going on. Gus grabbed his arm and demanded he tell them who Sally was or he wouldn't drive him anywhere anymore.

Shawn looked Gus in the eyes and concluded that he wasn't kidding so he explained their situation, "Sally is determined to steal all of our food and she doesn't care what she has to break to do it. We know she's been plotting to break in recently and now it appears she has. But the main importance is Carlton's safety so come on we have to find him!".

Juliet and Gus prepared themselves for a potentially armed woman, well Juliet did and Gus stayed as close to her as possible and held an umbrella he picked up from the hallway as a weapon.

(Cut to ten minutes later)

Gus is swinging around an umbrella aimlessly at this point. Carlton is crying over spilled cheerios, "But they're the honey ones!". Juliet is explaining to the officers outside that the neighbour wrongly called them and that gun shots were fired, (yes they were) and Shawn is chasing a squirrel in the front garden.

(Cut to five minutes later)

Gus is crying. Carlton is still teary and Gus is using him as a pillow right now. Shawn is digging in the mud to find the squirrel while ignoring Buzz. Buzz has found and captured the squirrel. Juliet is....fucking tired of this shit and currently eating a bowl of Muesli.... with chocolate milk.

(Ten minutes later)

Carlton- don't you dare speak of this ever again- lassiter is perfectly fine.
Burton- oh no I opened the umbrella inside, it's bad luck- Guster is fine but still scared shitless... but oh well its Gus so really its normal by now.
Shawn- yes we can imprison a Sally! Just because she's a different species doesn't let her get away with this!- Spencer
And
Juliet- why is this my life. Shut up McNab it's my turn to cry now!- O'Hara
Are now at the police station and definitely almost probably kind of nearly okay.

Karen turned around in her chair ominously to face them as they came in to her office, "Well? Is someone going to explain what happened this time?" She asked impatiently, linking her hands together and resting them on the desk, clearly knowing this was going to be another long, complicated story. Juliet told her the whole story and Karen honestly wasn't even a little bit surprised they'd all found themselves in a fight with a squirrel.

(Seriously I have no idea what to write but I'm trying guys! I promise! Thanks for reading my friendly Chimichangas!)