Mental (Sturniolo's best friend)

3

TW: self harm, self negativity

If either of these topics trigger you in anyway, I suggest you do not read this.

If you chose to read this, enjoy!

Matt's POV:

I am a little mad at Kiara. I didn't think it was noticeable though. I was only a little bit mad because she ignored me after I helped her and she refused to tell me what was going on. Sure, it's not any way my business but I was just trying to help. Every single time I asked or texted her about it yesterday, no not just yesterday, she has been avoiding any questions about what's going on at home her entire life. We have never been aloud to hang out at her house but I just thought maybe her parents don't want a bunch of boys at their house aside from their four kids. I never really questioned if something bad was going on and she didn't want us to witness it. Maybe I should have thought more into it and I would have been able to help her early on and she wouldn't have had a panic attack today. No, its not my fault. It isn't my fault she refused to get help from the people who were offering to help.

Kiara's POV:

Matt is for sure mad at me.

Think about it, if he was really mad at me why would Nick tell me that? He person to lie just to make someone feel better. Especially me. He hates seeing me sad, hurt, or just struggling in any way. I love Nick.

I would go to sleep right now but I can't, it's like my body physically wont let me. Maybe I am just thinking about what Matt said. I feel guilty but I don't know what for. I wasn't trying to be mean or come off as rude but clearly that how Matt saw it. What if he hates me. He probably does, he has every right to.

Stop.

He has no right to hate you.

No. Right.

That's right. He has no reason to hate me. I have been with him through his ups and downs. What has he done for me in my ups and downs? The most he has done, other than today, was give me a hug because he walked in on me crying. Oh. That is probably why he was mad. I never let him help me or even told him anything. It's my fault. I feel so bad. Matt just wants to be able to help people, especially those he is close with, and when I don't allow the help it probably affects him.

Always worrying about others, are you?

What?

You heard me.

Get out of my head.

Go do it.

What?

You know what.

Your blade.

I don't want to.

Yes you do.

you do.

do.

do it.

Nobody wants you here.

Get out of my head.

The voice is right. I do need my blade. I need it. I need to cut. I need to see the crimson red that sparks so many memories. Memories of me sitting on the bathroom floor crying my heart out with blood dripping down my arms and legs. I love that feeling and boy do I crave it right now.

Now.

I need it.

I need it now.

Now...

I get up and go to my bathroom and lock the door. Finally, time to be alone with just me and my only successful coping mechanism. I take off the back of my phone case to reveal what I had been wanting for a while. My blade. I roll up my sleeves and grab the blade. I put it against my arm and slide it while applying pressure. Slowly, the loved crimson red starts to ooze out of the cut. I need more. Now...

Pressure, slide, pressure, slide, pressure, slide. Over and over and over until I am satisfied. Now there is the beautiful red all over my arm. Oh how I love that red. I admire my work for a little and finally go looking for my bandages. I locate the bandages and wrap my arm. I think I can go to sleep now. I go to bed and fall asleep in the next half-hour.

THE NEXT MORNING

I wake up to my alarm. The same alarm for every school day. I can not express my hatred for that alarm. I get up and get dress into sweatpants and a sweatshirt. I love baggy clothes. I wouldn't trade them for anything else, except for my parents not to fight, that I would trade in a heartbeat. BING!

Matt

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Matt:

Kiara:

Hey.

Hi

I can't pick  you up today.

Oh, okay.

Do I need to see if someone else can for you?

No, I can walk.

Its a half hour walk, Kiara. 

So?

Okay, do whatever you want.

Matt's POV:

Why does she have to be so difficult. I am just trying to help her by getting her another ride and she would rather walk the thirty-minute walk than ride with someone else? It just doesn't make sense. Whatever, it's her choice anyways. I have to get ready for school anyways.

We are on our way to school when I drive past Kiara, she is soaked. I guess she didn't know it would be raining.

"Why aren't we driving her to school?" Nick asked.

I ignore him and continue the drive. I notice Chris turn around and shrug. They both must have noticed something was up. I can never do anything without them noticing. We arrive at school when the bell rings and I go to first period, history. I have this class with Kiara, but she's not here. She should have been here by now. I saw her skateboard outside of the school so I thought that she was here. Where is she.

She walks in 20 minutes after class starts. She is soaked, I feel terrible.

AUTHORS NOTE:

short chapter sorry you guys. I had an idea and I didn't want to lose it so I wrote it and then my mind went blank so you guys get a short chapter today! I will try and write more often, school is kind of taking up most of my time right now.

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