Love Unexpected

Chapter 1: Lost Without You

It'd been three months since you lost him. Still fresh in your memory the last time you saw him and smelled his musky but sweet rose smell. You didn't know if you would ever feel sane again. But today you woke up to the sun beaming through your window and felt like getting up for the first time in weeks. Not feeling so tired and drained. Feeling like a living being again. Well mostly.

Your editor had been pestering you about your new book. You had started it and were almost done before what happened. So at least it's just a little bit left to write and you could hand it in. Still before the due date. She had also reminded you that life did have to go on. As reluctant as you were to accept it, you knew she was right.

So, you got off your bed and showered for the first time in what seemed like forever. You looked in the mirror and were shocked to see yourself. You had lost so much weight from not eating and still had puffy eyes from all the crying. You looked like a shell of the once vibrant full-bodied woman you were 3 months ago.

Your hair was super knotted so you took the scissors and cut it short. Your long beautiful hair was now a short pixie bob. You think you're going to dye it too. That had been something you had stopped since he preferred your natural hair. You sigh. Trying not to think about it so you would keep going for the day.

The house was a mess. You were disgusted at yourself for even letting it get like this. But you weren't too hard on yourself either. Everyone deals with grief differently. You were no exception. You were just grateful no one tried to force you to deal with it in a way not your own.

You get to cleaning and throwing things out. You need to do a couple loads of laundry your thinking when your stomach makes a god awful noise and for the first time in weeks you find yourself hungry. Of course, there was nothing in the fridge. Guess you'll have to brave the world outside today too. Shit. Let's just dive head first back into life on the first day you are actually out of your bed.

You shake your head. Maybe you could call your mom. She's been calling and texting. You have been ignoring everyone. Sure, she wouldn't mind seeing you, but you aren't ready for the questions and the "talk". Maybe you can call her later.

Once you finish the house. You grab your keys and wallet and walked out with all the garbage bags. You hadn't had to worry about the bills getting made since when it came to money you were set because of work. Bills had all been covered during your "hiatus". You had money from your book series and the few modeling jobs you had done for Hyunjin's clothing line. Your heart aches a bit. Oh Hyunjin-you felt so bad for not texting him back and ignoring his calls. He's probably worried about you. Maybe you should call him you think but decide not to.

You toss the garbage in the dumpster and beep the garage door to open and unlock the car to get into it. The waft of rose and musk almost knocks you to your knees. You shut the car door. Tears begin to form. Your heart is beating hard and you can feel the panic rising into your throat. You can't drive the car. You take out your phone and start dialing out. You think to yourself, don't you dial that number. He's the last person you should call. But anytime you had felt overwhelmed or sad or things were stressful he was always there. He was always the one to make you feel better and you didn't have to talk. He just knew what was wrong like he could read your mind. You dial his number anyway, right now you need the comfort.

The phone is ringing. You're about to hang up when you hear Hyunjin answer.
Hyunjin- "Vee, you good? Are you okay?"
The worry in his voice brings more tears to your eyes. He probably thinks something is wrong since you haven't called in months. You expected him not to answer or even be cold but you should've known. He'd never turn his back in you. This made your guilt double.
Vee-"Hi Jinnie. Are u busy?" Silence on the other end and you continue, "I know it's been a while. Sorry for not answering. It's just..."- You go silent. He knows why you've been away.

Hyunjin- "Don't apologize. I'm just happy to hear your voice. I've missed you so much. And no, I'm not busy. Did you need something?"

He can hear you sniffing. He knows your crying. His chest tightens at the thought of you sad.

Vee-"You think u can give me a ride to the store? I was going to drive but the car smells like him and I just can't, couldn't get in"

More tears. You hear him move and get up and grab his keys.

Hunjin- "Omw love. See you in a few."
You shiver at his calling you love and felt bad for feeling a bit of happiness. But you have to get over the guilt. God, how could everything have gone so wrong? Should you even be calling Hyunjin?

It takes Jinnie about 15 mins to get to your house. You're outside sitting on the steps answering emails and texts. Letting Chesca know you'll start writing the ending of the book next week to have it in by the due date.

You look up to see Jinnie parking his 1969 Pontiac GTO and walk out of it walking towards you. Of course, he's in Versace head to toe. He still looks like a God, all legs and elegance. He is so beautiful. It just isn't fair.
Hunjin- "Hey beautiful", He says as soon as he's close.
You smile wide and stand up and head straight into his open arms. God you missed him. He smells so good. You would think it is cologne but weirdly he just smells good. Natural Hyunjin scent. It's like sweet and flowery. He hugs you tight and puts his chin on the top of your head. You can feel the smile on his face and the deep breath he takes as soon as you wrap your arms around his waist and lay your head on his chest. You can hear his heart skip a beat.
Vee -"Hi Jinnie. You look beautiful too".
You rest your chin on his chest and look up at him. You smile and he smiles right back.
Vee- "I missed you. Sorry for being MIA even with you. But you know?"
He nods. The acknowledgement in his eyes confirming he knows what you mean. He pulls back and looks at you.
Hyunjin- "Hi", you start walking towards his car, "I called Binnie btw. Told him to come by and clean the car. You know to help with..." He stops talking when he sees your eyes go wide.
He gets worried but then you relax and look up at him and smile. Maybe erasing traces of him is better.
Vee- "Thanks. I was just going to get rid of it". You giggle awkwardly. You'd been a month away from moving in together so the house itself doesn't remind you of him. But that car. The memories in that car. 😞 Even if Binnie can get it to smell new, you may still have to get rid of it because the memories would still be there.

You shake your head to make the thoughts go away. You look at Jinnie and smile again.
Vee- "Thank you", you say again, "I hope he's not too mad at me. I pretty much ghosted you all."
Hyunjin- "None of us are upset. Some of us were in the same boat as you. Especially Lix. He's a lot better now. He's been in Australia most of this time actually. He told me to tell you he loves you saur much and can't wait to see you". Hyunjin using an Aussie accent to say so makes you smile.

You smile at the thought of seeing your ray of sunshine and his beautiful freckles. If anyone was ever able to bring up your mood and make your day better it was Lee Felix. His kindness and bright energy always made everyone feel better.
Vee- "You ready? I hope I didn't pull you from anything important"
Jinnie smiles-"I was in the middle of the met gala meeting but I don't care. You'll always come first".
You gawk at him while your cheeks blush-Vee-"Jinnie wtf? You could've told me. Omg. Pls don't ..."

Hyunjin puts his hand on your mouth to shut you up and turns you around to start walking towards his car again. You feel his hand on your waist and a quick memory flashed through your mind and again the guilt settles in.

Fuck, you definitely shouldn't have called Jinnie first. He should've been the last person back in your life. But for the first time in weeks you feel relaxed. Clear. At ease with life. Still sad but not in pain. You pull his hand off your mouth and the other off your hip and slap him on the arm.

Vee- "Okay okay. I'll stop."
He looks at you and smiles. That shy smile with his squinted eyes and scrunched nose. You feel your adoration for him rise to the surface. He opens the door and you get in. Crap, you really shouldn't be here with him. He's the last person you should be around. You look at him. He sees you staring and smiles.
Hyunjin- "Okay. Kahjah".