Under Lock and Key

44: Timestamps Part One

Kelly Rossi, March 17th, 1952, Alturas, California

9:00 am

"I can't see!"

"There's nothing to see yet!"

"Boys, please," Glen shushes them. "This is supposed to be a surprise."

Lee and I watch from the side of our car. Glen's trying to corral two teens, not very successfully. Robbie spins with Daniel on his back, almost tripping over a rock and spilling themselves into the dirt. We'd worried, the four of us, whether this was a good idea, bringing both boys back to a place that held so many bad memories. But they wanted to come so badly, that we all finally gave in.

Because we're here. Back at school. Back where it all began. The three dorms. Sea. Earth. Air. The flagpole. The Big House. The cafeteria and classrooms in one building. The burned out tree near where we played baseball that one time. On the Fourth of July.

Another car approaches, and Glen wanders over to us, letting Mac take the lead parent role for a second. He steels himself, gripping Lee's hand tight. We can see who's driving.

Stan leaves the car, cracking his back, the driver's side door thudding heavily closed. Running his hands through this hair, turning away from us.

"He's scared," Glen breathes out. "I am too."

Another thing we weren't sure about.

Glen never shared with Mac the true relationship he had with his older brother. He did tell him he'd sold his body in order to feed their family. He told Mac that Stan helped broker the deals, and collected the money. He didn't tell him about the three men.

It reminds me a little of what we said in Morality, a long, long, long time ago. About secrets and lies. Glen told Lee he was afraid Mac wouldn't be able to make love to him knowing that he'd been in love and had a sexual relationship with Stan and that he'd been tortured for twelve hours.

So he kept it a secret.

Would I tell? If I had a huge secret and I was afraid it would jeopardize my relationship with Lee?

I probably would.

But I'm not Glen.

I'm not in his shoes. I won't judge.

It makes moments like this very difficult. Even more so then they already are.

Daniel and Robbie notice him of course, but Stan was never anyone's favorite in our little family. So they move back towards Mac's truck, watching, Daniel's head tucked against Robbie's neck. Not hiding. But...wary. Robbie stands firmly, watchful. He'd promised Daniel that he'd never kill or... maim... anyone again, but it didn't stop him from playing the role of fierce guard dog, protecting his precious boy.

It's Lee who approaches first. I remember, as Lee most likely does at this moment, how devastated Stan was when Glen left, the older brother turning his back, literally, on Glen in order to free him from their complicated relationship. It was Lee Stan turned to in that moment for support.

Mac waves and walks towards Stan, joining Lee, Glen trailing behind him. I decide to join the boys.

Just in case.

"Stan! So good to see you again!" Mac pulls him in for a huge hug. "Where's that baby girl? I thought you were bringing Christine. I was looking forward to meeting them!"

Mac really is a sweetheart, Lee says. It's true. He was excited when the brothers reconnected, exchanging letters for the last year. He'd told me one night, over beers, that he felt so guilty for taking Glen away from the family that meant so much to him.