chat i'm cooked
i miss snail
not saying who they are or giving any big hints because it's actually so bad that i miss them
js saying its not judge turpin cuz that would be REALLY BAD LMAO
this is someone else
i miss when he was nice
and we were friends
but maybe he's matured?? maybe his frontal lobe is mostly developed now??
omg during the orchestra council meeting, maya said that if {i forgot his name already but he's the new bassist in chamber this year} runs for council and wins a position, that she's dropping cuz she has beef with him and i was like "is he an asshole? is he mean?" and she was like "not really, only to me" and i was like "oh yeah i have someone like that too"
guys is it cuz mercury isnt in retrograde anymore that i want to make amends with snail and i'm not mad about it anymore because yknow maybe he's just a boy who wasn't ready to be close friends or js friends in general or literally anything even tho he tricked me into thinking we were good friends and we flirted some and its stupid stupid stupid because he's not even mildly attractive but i fell for his personality which was actually not real but maybe the meanness was the fake thing and him being funny and nice was the real thing and he was just scared of being too close to a girl because maybe he's never done that before and he should've just told me and it would've been fine but it's not because he didn't tell me shit and left me to guess everything and think that he actually hated me and i'm so stupid because i lied to my friends about things he said, he never actually threatened anything, we never talked about some of the things he said that made me suspicious of his actual intention but maybe it was all a joke that was funny to him but not to me and i should've said something but i didn't and that's why i ghosted him because i'm fucking stubborn and made a dumb decision instead of just talking it out and he did want to talk to me he talked to me and i didn't answer but he never grabbed my arm and said we need to talk he actually looked at me and sighed and said can we talk and i was so stupid stupid stupid i just ran away but i had a right to be upset but so. did. he. and i see that now but i think it's too late to say anything and also lolo says that he's a red flag and god damn it y'all can probably figure out who this is about
god, i miss when i was hating on him
but i miss
him?
no i miss how he made me feel March 17th - October 24th, 2023
maybe i will grow out of this because i read somewhere that your mind relives certain events every year sometimes without you even knowing it like i felt sick march 10th because that day 2023 was the whole situation with judge turpin, and i was missing aston martin in the summer because june 2022 was when he "broke up" with me and july-august 2022 i was sad about it and july-august 2023 i was sad about it again and july-august 2024 it just felt natural to be sad about it once again
so maybe this is the thing my mind does in september-october every year because thats when i really liked snail in 2023...........................
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There'll be happiness after you
But there was happiness because of you
Both of these things can be true
There is happiness
Past the blood and bruise
Past the curses and cries
Beyond the terror in the nightfall
Haunted by the look in my eyes
That would've loved you for a lifetime
Leave it all behind
And there is happiness
Tell me, when did your winning smile
Begin to look like a smirk?
When did all our lessons start to look like weapons pointed at my deepest hurt?
I hope she'll be a beautiful fool
Who takes my spot next to you
No, I didn't mean that
Sorry, I can't see facts through all of my fury
You haven't met the new me yet
