Where It Ends

16 | tears shed

WHITE, EVERYWHERE. It's all I saw when my eyes began to open. The walls were white, the ceiling was white, the blinding light coming from above was white. Am I dead? Then I smelled the chemicals, the scent of ammonia filling the cold air. No, you're in the hospital, idiot. I forced myself to try to sit up, but that idea was shot down the second I lifted a centimeter off the bed. Pain flooded through my midsection again, although not as severely as it had before.

A figure immediately rushed over. Dax. He had tear stains running down his face, and the circles under his eyes were even darker than usual. The sight made me frown.

"Evie, thank goodness," he said, another tear rushing down his cheek.

"Don't cry, don't do that," I said softly, words spilling from my mouth without me wanting them to. Why were they doing that? And what was in my arm? I looked down to see an IV pumping some mysterious fluid into my veins.

"What's in here?" I asked, pointing to the IV. "I think it's making me different."

"Pain meds, Eve," he said softly. He was smiling but he looked sad. "How are you feeling?"

"Hurts. Bad. But not as bad as earlier. But my brain's all..." I drew a loop with my finger a few times, and he nodded.

"Out of it? They'll do that to you," he said quietly, like he understood the experience. My brain couldn't fully comprehend it, so I just sat there in silence.

The silence wasn't good. It made me start to recognize the dread I was feeling. I started to think and it was scary because I couldn't really remember why I was remembering things. For some reason, I feel like I saw Brett but I don't know where or why. And there was another face too...

The memories were starting to come back. I remember the smell of this floral perfume. We were in some tiny building. People were talking and there were microphones. Theo was next to me. 'Be Thou My Vision' was ringing through my mind. My dress was itchy, and I think it was black.

Then it hit me. A funeral home. I was at someone's funeral. My mother's.

My stomach twisted and my vision began to fog. "What's wrong?" Dax asked softly, wiping a tear from my face.

"Mom's gone," I whispered. I didn't realize it then, but in my half-conscious state, that was the first time I had willingly called her 'Mom' in years.

Dax had this heartbroken look on his face. He consoled me as I cried, gently combing through my hair with his fingers. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, relaxing despite the stiff sheets of the hospital bed. My eyes began to close again. This felt nice; everything felt nice. Whatever was flowing into that IV was liquid euphoria, even more so than alcohol. It was like almost all my problems were faded away.

Almost.

There was still something bothering me, but I couldn't tell what. I thought back to the funeral, but everything was a blur. I considered just falling back asleep, but for some reason I felt like this was important. Then it hit me. Our father.

"Dax? I need... have to tell you something," I said urgently. He nodded, urging me to continue. "I've seen him before...  with the gray hair? He was kind of scary? Was he our dad?"

Dax looked alarmed, I think. "Yeah, yeah he was."

"He came to the apartment when I was younger sometimes. I recognized him..." Dax's frame tightened and his brows furrowed in worry.

"Dax?" I said quietly. "Dax, he was scary. You looked scared."

"He can be like that sometimes," he said with a far away look in his eye.