Wake Me Up When September Ends

Can You Feel My Heart?

Chapter Four;

Kellin’s P.O.V

What have I done. That was the one thought that has been running through my head since Austin and I found Adreena on the floor of the bathroom. Memories of my life since I met her have been running through my head non-stop for the 6 months that she has been in a coma for. Every day I watch the same thing replay over and over and over again in my head, and every day it gets a little worse.

I haven’t moved from her bedside. I haven’t lifted my bum from the seat for 184 days, unless I needed a shower, or the doctor. The nurse’s would bring me food daily, but they would always remove a full plate. I would occasionally eat, depending on how well Adreena was doing.

How was Austin? Don’t even get me started on him. He has literally not even moved a muscle. He has sat in the same chair, in the same spot, in the same position from the moment she got rushed to hospital. People would come and visit on a regular basis, but Austin would just tell them to get the fuck out, and they would leave. No. Questions. Asked.

The nurses came in and checked on her first thing in the morning, and would tell us if it was going to be a good day, or a bad day. The doctors still don’t know if she will ever wake up, but I pray every day to the man upstairs to forgive me for my sins, and just let her wake up.

I was lost in my own thoughts, when I heard the slight sound of coughing. I lifted my head and looked at Adreena lying there with her eyes open, coughing her lungs up as they say. Austin was shaking with his head down, so I knew he was crying, but this time it was tears of joy.

Austin’s P.O.V

I had sat in the same position for 6 months straight. The only time I ever moved was when Adreena flinched, or when her heart monitor would speed up, or slow down. I guess you could say was without Adreena, there is no me.

There would be 5 people at the least turn up every day, but before they could say anything, I just told them to fuck off in the same bored tone every time.  It was getting to me. The love of my life was lying in a hospital bed, in a coma because she tried to kill herself. And what is worse; I couldn’t even be there to protect her. I wasn’t there to stop her.

I felt so pathetic, so useless. I honestly felt like a failure to humanity that I couldn’t even stop my own girlfriend from trying to take her life.
“Austin, stop blaming yourself man.” I turned my head to find the source of the voice was Kellin, the only person who I have allowed in this room with me and Adreena other than the nurses.
“But this is my fault I was the pathetic boyfriend who couldn’t even stop his own girlfriend from trying to commit suicide. You honestly have no idea how that makes me feel.” I whispered, as I was afraid to hear the sound of my own voice.
“Austin, this isn’t you fault. It is mine. I am the reason she started self-harming in the first place. I am the reason her life turned out horrible. Me Austin! This is my entire fault, and I know that now. I have sat here for six months straight, going over in my head what I would have done differently if I had the chance. I just want her to wake up so I can apologise for everything, and I want my best friend back. I don’t only miss her Austin, I miss you. I miss the times we used to sit together in my room, whilst playing COD listing all the things we loved about Adreena. I hate the fact that I have lost the only thing I ever really loved, to my ex best friend.” Kellin was almost crying by the time he had finished his little speech, and I was about to answer when his eyes went wide.

Everything went silent, until I heard the faint sound of choking, and I swivelled my head to find Adreena lying on the white mattress coughing her lungs up. It was horrible. I grabbed onto her hand, and put my head down. My body started shaking as I cried tears of joy.

I felt her flinch as her gaze burned at hole through our hands. I looked up at her and smiled the biggest smile I have ever smiled. She moved her gazing from my hand, working her way up the top half of my body, studying every inch of me she could. When she got to my face, fear flashed across her eyes. She glanced over at Kellin and studied him as if she had never seen him in her life.

“I’m sorry, but do I know you?” She asked, flicking glances between Kellin and I. That is where I lost it. I broke down crying harder than I ever had before. I was numb. I looked over at Kellin, who had a few tears streaming down his face, and just shook my head. I could never ever forgive him for this.


Adreena’s P.O.V

I couldn’t remember where I was, or what had happened. I was so lost. I inhaled the familiar scent of the place that I spent majority of my childhood at. I could hear the familiar beeping sound of the heart monitors and I could hear the beeping of the drip in my arm. Shit, I moved the wrong way. I suddenly felt like I was choking, and started coughing so much I was gagging. I felt something grab onto my hand and looked over at a figure with his head down, wet, salty droplets dropping onto his black ripped skinny jean clad knees. I could tell by the hidden smile on his face that they were tears of joy.

I flinched as I looked down at our intertwined hands. My eyes travelled up the highest half of his body, studying every inch of him. I stopped on his face, getting presented with the biggest smile I have ever seen someone give. A look of fear flashed across my eyes. I glanced over at another silhouette, and studied him, as if I had never seen him before.

“I’m sorry, but do I know you?” I asked, flicking my eyes between the two figures in my room. I watched as the one sitting next to me let go of my hand and broke down. He was crying, and wouldn’t stop. I didn’t know what to do. I looked over at the standing body and watched as a few tears streamed down his pale face, making his blue eyes look extremely glassy.

I monitored the movement of the person next to me, and watched as his head turned towards the frame that stood by the door. He shook his head, letting off the vibe that whatever he had done, would never ever be forgiven. A look of sorrow passed through the standing form’s eyes, and that is where I lost it.