Anagapesis

Laconic

"Are you crazy?!" with exasperation i wasn't aware was possible Lea grabbed my hand and pulled me to the side of the hallway, out of the moving traffic of students. "i knew you were an idiot but i didn't think you were this stupid." the words were harshly whispered yelled as she pulled me into one of the miraculously empty student lounge and threw me onto one of the sofas. my arm hurt at the handling but i didn't bother saying anything as i sat up and watched her pace around the fairly sized room. she didn't say anything as her hand ran furiously through her hair, somehow despite the clearly harsh treatment the curls forming back around her face perfectly.

''explain.'' she abruptly turned to me arms crossed and all but glaring at me

''...well...'' my voice trailed off as i looked down at my intertwined fingers, my wrist still hurting,
''did he buy you a house?, a car? your damn school debt!?''
''well no, but-''
''candy?'' i shut my mouth and made a point to look anywhere but at her. ''you are genuinely trying to drive me crazy'' ''wasn't the candy...'' my voice was faint and trailed off again at the 'pissed off mother' eyebrow raise that she had long perfected. ''what did he cry and beg or som-'' i nodded.... ''your joking right?'' her voice almost as faint as mine repeated the words i had said to Luka the night before.

''Luka. the Luka, trauma so strong you need a meteor of a joke to even get him to smirk . got on his knees and begged? you?'' i made a point to ignore the 'you' at the end and nod, putting my face in my hands, my cheeks felt unbearably warm to my fingers. i felt a thud and peeked through my fingers, she slumped into the chair across from me rubbing her chin ''why'' i moved my hands and leaned back into the couch, ''don't really know. guess a friend probably knocked some sense into that idiot.'' she sighed ''are you okay''

 i looked up at ceiling, ''doesn't really matter, i got him back'' her gaze fixed on me looked down at my still fidgeting hands before backing up to look me in the eyes again. ''really don't want to invoke lotus, love. tell me. since when have we kept secretes.' i sighed and moved my gaze from her face to look back at the picture frames on the wall. ''are you okay.'' i shook my head this time, ''not really makes me feel pretty unvalued with how easily it was for him to break 2 years of, well, us, and i try so hard to get him back to ask him why for weeks and all it takes is one night with some random chick he hasn't seen since elementary to think its a good idea to com e beg at my door at 3 in the morning?''

 i knew she had a look of pity in her eyes and i hated that so much, far more then the look of exasperation that she was giving me earlier. the space next to me sunk down as she sat down and laid her head on my lap. ''wanna go for a drive?'' i looked down at her, ''don't really feel like it'' she pursed her lips and smiled, going to be banging at my door at 2 to have me drive aren't you?'' i chuckled and shrugged, ''probably, but your the one that keeps letting me do that.''

''always loved how this-'' her hands reached out and grabbed my cheeks her thumb tracing against the circled under my eyes, a staple since i got to college, but i knew that wasn't what she was referring to. the redness and swelling from me crying the night before hadn't really disappeared all that much ''-made you so much stronger, almost like...'' ''i didn't care?'' she closed her eyes and let her hand fall, ''mhm'' ''i do.''

''i know''

''hate him''

i nodded ''i know'' it was silent for a while before she turned on her side and tucked her head into my stomach i sighed and grabbed her shoulder and pushed her slightly, the tears that she was trying so hard to keep me from seeing made her face all red. ''don't cry, i never know what to do.'' i pulled our faces together and rubbed out foreheads and nose. ''stop crying, please?'' she sniffed ''had a plan you know." i smiled and wiped away one of the stray tears, ''you always were surprisingly bad at keeping your desk neat. i know.'' she closed her eyes and smiled ''of course you do.''

the hours we spent simply laying there blurred together, neither of us wanting to break the comforting silence, i would not accept her affection and she would never have to feel regret or pain, if she never asked, i wouldn't have to respond. 

Ide keep pretending i didn't notice the stares at the library or at the park when i knew i was supposed to be alone, that the camera's and voice recorders hidden in my room didn't exist, that a number of my clothes hadn't gone missing from my hamper, that the videos and fake chat that had nearly gotten me expelled if not for her 'stepping in and finding the culprit' had not come from her. if she never asked i would never have to answer. we would stay the same. if only she never asked
.
.
.
.
she asked.