More than Anything (Hanma x reader)

Chapter 19: Guilty

"Why, Merry Christmas to you too, doll."

—~—

Third Person POV

Date: January 15th, 2006

It's been three weeks since Hanma last saw (y/n) and he was internally freaking out.

Well, no. He saw her consistently for a week, but ever since school started again after their winter break, he noticed that his favorite class rep was... distant. It wasn't her typical cold demeanor or annoyed reprimanding for him to leave her alone either.

She was shutting him away and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Christmas day was honestly fine with no hiccups. He pretended that her little flit with her feelings was just a misunderstanding on both of their ends and ignored it like promised. It was only afterwards that was the problem. Her coldness reached new depths and it was as though he was watching (y/n) revert to the heartless, 'devil' of a class rep that he first met. She was keeping him at arm's length.

That freaked Hanma out more than anything else she could've done. He could handle her, he knows he can. But he can't do that when she's not there for him to handle. He can back off, he can pull away, he can give her all the space she wants... but there was nothing he could do when she's the one doing it first without a single explanation why.

He thought over it and it all lead back to her Christmas present to him: a simple kiss on the cheek. Granted, she kind of missed, but it wasn't like he made a big deal out of it. Fuck, he was so happy that she even returned a shred of his affection that it didn't matter to him. So, what was it though? Was she ashamed? Guilty? Embarrassed?

If only he knew that she was panicking over her feelings for him.

(Y/n) came to such a breaking realization that there was a specific reason she decided with physical affection rather than a tangible gift for Christmas. It was dumb of her to think that Hanma would just 'appreciate' the kiss if she didn't return his feelings. It was cruel to play with his feelings like that when he was being completely genuine. And it wasn't like she hadn't thought about it, she had plenty of time to think of a more appropriate gift.

She kissed him because— just like she told him— she wanted to.

That's why she stared at the bento box Hanma had stuffed with convenience store food in her hands like a dumbstruck child. Hanma still had the habit of picking her up and dropping her off to and from school. As of late, however, he barely stayed with her in class or hung out with her after school. He wanted to, though— he desperately wanted to keep whatever's left of their friendship alive— but after a week of her barely speaking to him, he concluded that she needed some space and hoped that she would come back to him.

Like that shitty saying or whatever, 'If you love something set it free. If it comes back, it's yours.' Hanma had half a mind not to drag her back to him if she never became normal again. He calls about a week before he loses it and starts pestering her once more.

Meanwhile, as (y/n) walked towards her homeroom to eat lunch, she couldn't help but to notice a group of students hurriedly rushing out of her classroom. She only caught the back of their heads as they turned the corner boastfully laughing and snickering, a scent trail of smoke and alcohol following after them. She then opened the door to find the attendance sheet torn up and her desk marked with scribbles and— lucky her— across the room.