What if we were even bigger than the whole sea and those tiny grains of sand?

What if we were even bigger than the sea and a grain of sand?

"One, two, three!" I immediately grabbed Tammy's arm.
"No, no, wait, you have to wait a second." I said, panicking. "What if there are those little stupid bugs in there?" I held on to my rope tightly and dug my toes in the ground. I looked down at the river, some metres below me.
"Hope they eat you alive, honestly. Don't be a kid, just jump when you're.. there." She pointed to the water. "Not earlier, or you fall on the ground and die."
"I'm not stupid!" I said, defensively. I frowned. "And I'm a whole man, actually."
"And you will jump with me."
"And I will jump -" I didn't get to finish my sentence, because Tammy pushed me and my feet left the ground and the rope began to swing as I held onto it for dear life, hoping it wouldn't detach from the tree branch it was attached to. I looked up at the sky, the sun blinding me, and then I looked down. I saw water, so I jumped and when I tell you I was literally flying.
"Holy shit!" My legs kicked and my arms waved as I felt the summer breeze against my skin. The oxygen was stuck in my lungs, but it felt good, because everything was in slow motion, trapped in the present., and from up there, in the middle of the air, I could see some people looking at me on the beach. I could see Tammy letting the rope go and screaming in joy. I could hear myself screaming my heart out in happiness, as I laughed.
Until I didn't.
Because I plummeted in the cold river water, and silence washed over me until the only thing I could hear was my heartbeat going absolutely crazy. I swam quickly to the surface above me. Once I finally began to breathe again, I started to take in what was around me: something slimy touched my feet, and I believed(hoped) it was only some weed; the water was unreasonably cold and I felt like I was freezing even if it was July, but then my attention was immediately brought to a much important matter when something definitively alive brushed against my calf.  And I screeched, like the real man I was, and swam my way to the shore before some bug or fish could eat me whole like Tammy hoped for. When I felt sand, I felt relief.
I laid down on the dear, dear ground, my tee and shorts clinging to my skin. I looked up as my chest raised and lowered. Trees hung their branches above me, and their leaves moved lightly as the wind blew amongst them. The sun shone brightly through them, my hand hovering over my forehead so that I could still see. I felt the sand between my fingers, and it was so soft. After a minute had passed, I decided to stop contemplating nature. So I sat up.
"Holy fuck, I need to do it again." I spoke to no one in particular. "Hear me, Tammy? We're doing this again!" I looked around, only to find her walking towards me as she squeezed the water out of her red hair, her dark skin sunlit.
"Hearing you loud and clear." She smiled maliciously at me. "A shame that bugs didn't eat you alive. You want to give them a second chance?"
I ignored her cruel words, "It was so fucking cool! I was so cool! I was literally flying!"
"I was cooler, by the way." She sat next to me. "Because I'm hotter." She added, like it was obvious. And it was, because she was hotter than me.
"Yeah, whatever you say." I waved at her dismissively. "Let's go smoke or Charlie will kill us. And then we'll do it again." And since nobody wanted Charlie, our lovely friend, to kill us, we went, and a minute later we were all sitting on Tammy's Hello Kitty beach towel with a joint between two fingers.
"You're full of weed." Charlie said, glaring at my legs and taking a string of it from my hair. "Gross."
"I will be in a sec, actually."
"I meant algae." She said, even if she was laughing.
"I know." I took a puff. "How come Tammy's none of it in her hair, or like, everywhere? Why do you have to be flawless?"
"I got that when I was born, you can't learn it, you're born with it." Tammy blew smoke on my face. "Damn, I'm hungry."
"I got some pastries! I was going to tell you about it in a second but -"Charlie said.
Tammy licked her lips. "Oh my, tell me more about the pastries."
"They're really sweet..." She smiled at the red haired. "And soft." Then she lowered her voice. "One has chocolate in it." And Tammy gasped loudly.
"What are you waiting for! Take them out, let them see the sun!" I said, saving the day.
"Yeah, yeah. On it." She took her bag. "I've been at the bakery and I think there's a new guy working there. I have never seen him around here." She handed me and Tammy a pastry.
"And? What about him?" Tammy said in a mouthful of chocolate.
Charlie blushed under her glasses. "He's cute, polite." She sighed. "He's big."
"You had sex?! Already?!" Some chocolate was spat out. Charlie hit her upside the head.
"No, stupid! I didn't mean big like that. You know, he's tall, bit of muscle. Surely bigger than me." She sighed. "And you know I don't like men. Might as well find someone for you two."
"Eh, I don't think I need someone right now." And that was because Tammy had most likely a crush on a girl for the first time and that girl was Charlie.
"He sounds hot." I said. "Big guy, huh."
"You sound so dreamy and you haven't even seen -"
"Holy fucking fuck." Tammy interrupted me and pointed behind me, a sly grin on her lips. "Now that's some hot stuff!" She said so embarrassingly loud that I saw people stopping their conversations and turning around to look at her or who she was pointing to.  I slowly turned my head around, too, curious and startled.
I saw a guy pointing a finger to himself and turning his head left and right and behind. I got the urge to tell him to look up and down too, but I stayed silent.
So Tammy, ridiculous as she was, shouted, "Yes, you! You! You're the hot stuff!"
"That's the bakery guy, actually." Charlie whispered, because she wasn't the ever loud Tammy. I didn't put my mind on what Charlie said too much, but then she started waving at him and he started fucking walking towards us.
"What the fuck is going on."
I felt Tammy standing up, so I did the same. Charlie stayed sat. Once he stood in front of us, I checked him out: green bermudas with oranges on them were the only thing he was wearing(thank God?) and he had brown medium-length hair, a bit curly on the ends, his face and shoulders were filled with pretty freckles, probably because of his light tan; in his smile(because he was smiling) I noticed a gap in his front teeth, and some acne scars on his skin. There was something young, soothing and warm about him, as he smiled with both teeth and eyes, like Tammy's silly compliment had made his entire day. He looked like a kid who had just been given a gentle pat on his shoulder and a lollipop. I swallowed down my saliva when my eyes started going down on his chest and his muscular biceps. He wasn't all muscles, though, as his stomach wasn't full of perfectly defined abs like some douches on the beach did, instead it was soft and amazing, while a few hairs went down his happy trail. Big guy.
He was handsome. Impossibly so.
I looked down onto myself: there were still some weeds on my legs, my tee and shorts were still wet and stuck to my skin, revealing my pathetic figure and the outline of my chest- and didn't that make me panic a bit?  I quickly took the hem of my tee and made sure my chest was no longer noticeable. I felt my hair sticking to my forehead grossly, so I straightened them with my fingers. I looked up to the guy, who I noticed was way taller than me. So ridiculous, really.
I stared at him for thirty more seconds because there was something about him that I couldn't grab onto. I turned to Charlie.
"He's the bakery guy?" I asked in a low voice. She nodded. "Huh. I've seen you before." He noticed Charlie behind me, ignoring me.
"Hello, Charlotte." He smiled warmly at her. "Eating my sweets? They good?"
"It tastes very good, hot stuff." Tammy said, and he laughed. Who laughed at something like that? I looked at him some more seconds because I had seen him before. And not at the bakery. It was right there, but I couldn't grasp onto it.
"Hi Cam." Charlie waved some more. "You too here to fresh up a bit?"
"Wait a fucking minute."
"Yeah, it's so hot here. I don't work today, so I came here with a couple of friends." He replied to Charlie, ignoring me with no shame whatsoever.
"Hear me out a second." I insisted.
"Cam as in Cameron?" Tammy asked, and what kind of question was that?
"Oh, no, actually -"
And I interrupted him, because they were ignoring me and because, "His name's Camden!" Three heads snapped toward me, confused and surprised. Finally I got the attention I deserved.
Tammy thought hard, and then, "Is he that Camden?"
"Yeah, it's that Camden." I confirmed.
"He's the bakery Camden." Charlie said.
"Not only the bakery Camden, apparently, now that I've recognised him."
"Uhh." Cam said, like a pro. "What." He blinked many times.
"I know you." I said, slowly.
"Do you?" He said, unsure.
"I do." I said, more sure than ever, because how could I not?
"Do I know you? You do seem familiar, now that I look at you." He stared at me so hard I thought he was launching some kind of bad magic on me. I felt my heart beating in my throat and the skin of my face tingling and warming up. I was nervous. Because of who he was, because he obviously didn't recognise me, and because I had infinite questions and things to say to him that I couldn't bring myself to speak aloud right now.
Nostalgia burned inside me as Camden Turner, my childhood best friend and biggest crush in middle school who I hadn't talked to or seen at all in at least seven years, stood before me grown up, beautiful and sunlit.
"Are you... No way." His eyes widened. "Are you Sa -" I quickly covered his mouth with my hand. And immediately regretted it, and let him go, but still didn't let him speak.
"I don't..." Suddenly, I felt small. "I don't go by that name anymore."
"Oh?" He blinked many times, again. "Oooh!"
"Yeah."
Tammy spoke, "If you have a problem with that, I'm going to make sure you -"
"I don't have a problem with that! Please, don't make sure of anything." Cam said, alarmed, shielding himself with his arms, ridiculously so, as he was way bigger than the both of us.
"Good for you, then." And Cam peeked between his fingers to make sure he was safe and sound. He was, so he brought his arms down, embarrassed.
He looked at me, "So, uh... you're transgender? You're a man now?"
"I am." And probably always have been. I felt like I was burning from the inside out. These kinds of conversations were always immensely awkward, like all of a sudden I was fifteen again and I was crying to my parents because I didn't think I was allowed to be myself.
Much to my surprise, he only said, "Cool." He checked me out with a look of wonder which made me blush to my ears. I couldn't find any maliciousness in his grey-ish eyes. And then, "You look...handsome." He paused, thinking.  "What's your name, then?"
"Elliott." I breathed out, barely, because he made it all sound so easy.
"Great name. I'm still Camden. That Camden." He laughed. "And you?" He looked at Tammy.
"I'm Tammy. " She smiled, amused. "So, you two were best friends a whole lot of years ago, right? What a great reunion!" She turned toward me but still looked at Cam. "Can I have his number?"
"Oh my god, Tammy. Get off me." I said as Cam's eyes widened. Tammy didn't, in fact, get off me, instead she kissed my cheek and laughed.
"Are you together?" Cam asked, and Tammy laughed some more.
"We are." She said.
"We are not together." I elbowed her.
"Yeah, yeah." She passed a hand in my hair, and then brought me close to her, my face almost in her breasts. I hated her. "Why're you asking? Are you interested in my Elliott?"
He blushed and sputtered out something.
"So." I clapped my hands together, trying to escape both Tammy and that situation. "Wanna sit down and have a chat? It's been ages." I laughed bitterly. I gestured, and me noticed the joint in my hand.
"Yeah, ages." He said almost in a whisper. "You smoke?"
"Ye-es?" I looked at the spliff. "This is... weed, actually. Want me to roll one for you?"
"Oh, no, thanks." He fidgeted with his hands. "But I'll take a cig if you have one."
"You smoke?"
"Not really." He said, taking a cigarette from my pack.
And because I exactly knew what to say(I didn't), I said, "Huh."
A minute later, we were all four sitting on Tammy's Hello Kitty beach towel, smoking.
"So, uh," Charlie said, taking a drag out of her joint. "You know each other."
"Yes." Me and Cam said together.
Charlie grinned, "Less work for me, then."
"What do you mean by that." I said, my head dizzy.
"Exactly what It means."
"It doesn't mean anything."
"So." Cam started, but didn't say anything else. The silence that was created for those instants made me become aware of the loudness of my thoughts, as I was aching at the urge to just let out the never ending questions and thoughts, which had began to grow inside my head since I'd recognised Cam for who he was and for who he had been to me.
He'd been a friend, a best friend, and so a listener, a support. My first unrequired love, someone I wanted to kiss, even though he had no idea I liked him.  Even after all he'd been in my young life(more than just a best friend or an unrequired love) , I'd forgotten him over time, maybe because we were barely teenagers,fourteen or so, when he'd left the city and somehow I thought I'd never see him again.
But. Today, at the age of twenty-two, he was sitting in front of me, flesh and all, and I remembered him. And wasn't that relaxing like a breath of fresh air and sudden like a slap across the face, burning cheek, teary eyes and all? We hadn't left off our friendship harshly, so I wasn't mad, and I wasn't particularly sad. But I felt impatient, like I just wanted to tell Charlie and Tammy to get the fuck out of there and let us alone, let us talk, let us know each other all over again. But I couldn't. Because to start over is to be patient. I had to let time do its thing. And, anyway, this felt like a conversation for another time - surely not for that moment, the startle of meeting again so casually still in our system, and with him being shirtless and myself being high. We'd talk, eventually.
If he was there to stay, of course.
"So," I started, my leg bouncing. "You're back? I didn't know." As the deep conversations were for another time, I knew I was getting myself in an awkward conversation, where the both of us barely knew what to say and ended up making small talk. Two people who hadn't talked in so many years couldn't do much better, unfortunately. Patience and time, I had to remind myself.
"Mom's back here with me, too." He smiled, but it didn't catch his eyes. I thought that maybe he was feeling the same way as me. "I thought Joanne had told you."
I sighed, "I would have...My mom didn't tell me you were back."
"Oh." He blew out the smoke he'd just inhaled. "We've been here for a couple weeks. We live in an apartment in the same block as before, but -"
"Woah, woah. You two get your hugs and feelings back inside, damn." Tammy said, ironically, saving the day from a conversation we didn't know how to engage. "Well, then, how do you like it here?"
"It's pretty much the same as before. Better than the city I've lived in these years for sure." Cam sounded fond.
"Yup, so fun, so nice. Want a pastry? They're very good."
"Are they?" He grinned, and I understood from the look he gave me that it was over, but just for today. So I smiled back and put aside all the thoughts and questions, taking another pastry in my hand.
"Have you tried that rope thing up there? The one where you swing and then you splash? We did it just ten minutes ago." Tammy asked, pointing to the ropes we'd used before.
"Swing and splash? Tell me more." So Tammy told him more, changing subject three times and then going back to the "swing and splash rope thing".
And we all listened, but a few minutes later, a girl with long, blonde hair came and called for Cam, "There you are! You just left and said nothing."
"Leah." He put out the cig, a bit nervous. "Sorry, got carried away."
"Oh, you made some new friends?" She asked, not unkindly.
"Kind of." His lips twitched as he got up.
"Derry said he has to go home, so we're leaving. Don't wanna walk to the hotel."
"You could've used your car, then." He shrugged.
"Yeah, whatever." She grinned. "Sorry if I'm taking little Cam away."
"We'll see each other around?" Camden asked us, but he was looking at me.
Unsure, I said, "Sure. Around, and all that."
Leah waved at us as they left. Tammy and Charlie waved at them. I stayed still.
At least thirty seconds of silence had passed before Tammy wrapped her arm around my shoulders, as if nothing happened, "Wanna do the swing and splash thing again?"