always & forever

Part 13 - Not Hung Up

James's POV

The entire fucking stupid day after seeing Camille, I was a wretched mess. She had way more power over me than I thought. It's like I was back to square one; ten years ago. It's as if all the hurt she'd caused me vanished when I saw her.

I wanted to ruin her. Break her, the way she broke me. Punish her for everything she and her family did to me. Submit her. Devastate her. And a few second later, I wanted the complete opposite. I wanted to tell her how much I still loved her. I wanted to spend gentle mornings with her in my arms, just like we used to. I wanted to serve her, protect her, make her mine forever.

I didn't love her, I didn't. Those were just sweet memories.

Luke interrupted my deep thoughts with a cough, "What the fuck's gotten into you? Taking Aidan out played with your mind?" Large clouds of smoke enveloped him and I was sure he was breaking all restaurant rules while he puffed on the patio.

"Um, sir? Smoking is prohibited here." The young server approached Luke and spoke timidly. He craned his neck to look up at her and then responded with fake surprise,

"Really?! I believe section nine, paragraph twenty three of the fire code makes an exception for patios facing west!" He rambled on total bullshit and the young girl only blinked at him, confused and a little scared. "How old are you sweetheart?" Luke asked without shame, always doing whatever he wanted.

"Almost- almost twenty." The young girl stuttered. Almost twenty. That's how old Camille was when we started dating. This girl looked incredibly young and naïve...was Camille like that too?

"Tell you what— go to the back office and double check in the fire safety catalogue. I just want to make sure I'm not breaking any rules, sweetheart! If I am, I'll put it out right away. Promise." Luke shot her a toothy grin and waited for her to depart. "Oh, to be young and stupid." He turned to me once the young girl left.

I couldn't even smile. Would I have to see Camille again this afternoon? And then tomorrow? And the day after? And stay silent?

"Hey, you're not getting soft on me, are ya?" My friend of the last four years pulled me out of my head again.

"No. Maybe." I admitted in defeat. "You ever been in love, Luke?"

"Oh, hell no, man, come on! That was just some bullshit Aidan made up!"

But I urgently shook my head to indicate this wasn't about Aidan, "No. No," I paused, afraid to tell him the details and at the same time in physical pain from keeping it inside for so long. "I saw...her. The one who...the one who broke my heart. The one that got away. The one that I was so fucked up over for so long and I thought I let it all go but-"

"I checked, sir, it says you're not allowed to smoke on any patios." The young server interrupted my story and for some reason her gentle voice reminded me of Camille so much. Camille was just as young when it all happened. Just as innocent.

"Okay, fair and square! You're right. I'm putting it out. Thanks for clearing that up for me." Luke stubbed out his third cigarette and once the young woman was gone, leaned in and asked, "Here? You saw her in Boston? When?!" Luke loved a story. While he was violent and possessed very little mercy, he was also the life of the party and a huge gossiper.

"At Emily's daycare. She was dropping off her nephew. Kevin's kid." Luke's eyes shot open wide and a small smile appeared. He knew who Kevin and Camille were and over the years, I divulged more information about my past. He never probed outright, but he always listened and asked questions.

"Oh shit, that motherfucker is here too, of course."

Obviously. A quick LinkedIn search told me he was a partner at one of Boston's top law firms and Camille was a senior associate at another one. Fucking lawyers.