before you leave

chapter 5

Hazan

She sat in the airplane seat, her fingers trembling as she unfolded the letter he had given her. The hum of the plane's engines filled her ears, but all she could hear were the words in front of her, written in his familiar handwriting

Dear Hazan

I still remember the first day I met you, that moment in the hotel room. Something inside me shifted the moment you looked at me. I didn’t understand it at the time, but I couldn’t shake the feeling.I didn’t know what it was back then, but it was like you had reached in and done something to me that I couldn’t explain. That’s why I kept chasing you, trying to understand what you had done. I told myself I just wanted you to forgive me for the misunderstanding, but that was a lie. What I really wanted was to be around you, to steal just a little more time by your side, I wanted to feel whatever it was you did to me,I want to feel that thing in my chest I couldn’t explain.

I never thought it was love. I didn’t believe in love, I thought it was something ridiculous, something people made up to make themselves feel less lonely. But then, as the days passed, you got closer, and I got terrified of how you made me feel. I didn’t want to believe that this could be love. I didn’t want to believe that love was real.I didn’t want to let my guard down, I didn’t want to admit that something was happening to me that I couldn’t control.

So, I ran. I pushed you away. When it became too much, when I couldn’t hide it anymore, I lied. I’m so sorry about Farah. I invited her into my life, hoping it would stop whatever was starting between us. I thought pretending would make it easier, that it would kill this feeling I couldn’t name. But it didn’t. Nothing worked. No matter how hard I tried, every moment with you only made it worse.you were always there, in my thoughts, in my heart, in every breath I took.

Loving you was torture, Hazan. And yet, I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop. Even though it hurt, even though I knew it was wrong, I couldn’t let go of you. And now, you’re leaving. And I have to live with the fact that I didn’t stop you. I let you go. I let the only person who ever made me feel alive walk away, and I did nothing.I let you go, and I hate myself for it.I’m sorry, Hazan. I’m sorry for being a coward. I’m sorry for all the ways I hurt you.  I hate that I wasn’t strong enough to fight for you, to fight for us. I hate that I didn’t stop you when I had the chance. But most of all, I hate that this is how our story ends...unfinished.

I  regret the circumstances,I  regret that I loved my brother’s girlfriend. I regret the pain I caused you, the lies I told, the moments I wasted. But there is one thing I will never, ever regret. I will never regret loving you. Not for a second. You are the one thing in my life that ever felt real. You were my truth, even if it was a truth I couldn’t have.

You were the only thing that ever made me feel alive, And now… now you’re gone. You’ll move on, you’ll forget me, and I’ll be just another person you used to know. I’ll be a memory, a face you might struggle to recall one day. And that thought....it kills me. I’ll live with that because I have no choice. But I want you to know that loving you was the only thing that ever felt real to me. Even though it was hopeless. Even though it was wrong.

I hope you find happiness, Hazan. I hope you find a life that you deserve. I hope you find someone who could make you happy the way I never could, when life feels hard and if you don’t know where to turn, sing that song you used to sing when you were a child. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll remember me. Maybe I’ll still exist in a small corner of your heart, even if it’s just for a fleeting second.

P.s. I think I like meaningless thing too

         
                                         -Yagiz-

The tears she had tried so hard to hold back came flooding out.She wanted to scream, to cry out loud, but all she could do was sit there in silence, her heart breaking all over again. The letter was raw, honest...so much like Yagiz. It was everything they had never said to each other, laid bare in a few pages.

'Maybe... maybe we were just destined to meet, not to be together' she thought, clutching the letter to her chest as if it could somehow make the pain less sharp. 'Like those characters in the books we talked about, the ones who crossed paths but were never meant to stay. Maybe that’s us.'

Her thoughts raced, trying to make sense of it all, trying to find some small shred of hope in the heartbreak. 'Maybe we’ll meet again,' she thought. 'Maybe when the time is right… we’ll find each other again. In another life, in another time, when everything isn’t so complicated. When loving each other won’t feel like a crime.'

She looked out the small window beside her, watching as the city shrank beneath the clouds, disappearing from view.

The flight attendant walked by, asking if she needed anything, but Hazan barely shook her head. She couldn’t speak. She couldn’t even breathe without feeling like her heart was being ripped apart. She sat there, silent tears streaming down her face, as the plane carried her farther and farther away from him.

In her heart, she knew this was it. Their story had come to an end. The letter, the final goodbye...it was the closing chapter of whatever they had been. But still, a part of her clung to the hope that maybe, Maybe their paths would cross again, and this time, the ending would be different.

But for now, the plane kept flying, and all she could do was leave everything behind.  

The end.
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A/N:Thank you all for sticking with me, even through the parts where I may have put you to sleep ( I promise I tried to keep it spicy).😅😁 Now that we’ve survived the journey together, don’t forget to hit 💥that vote button and let me know your thoughts.....good, bad, or sleepy! 😉 Your feedback means the world 🌍 to me, and I can't wait to hear what you think!🥰✋
Anyway next chapter is on it's way......🏃......

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Love ya.....