It was a late afternoon, and the school corridors were slowly getting quiet as the students had all gone home. The sun was beginning to set, casting a golden glow through the windows of the ballet studio. The studio was a serene space with walls filled with mirrors, and polished wooden floors. The room is usually bustling with male ballet students, but at that time, only one person had remained.
Alexis stands in the center of the studio, perfecting his form. He was dressed in his usual practice attire: a black compression shirt and leggings of the same color. The quiet atmosphere contrasts with the intensity of his movements as he danced to the music with precision in grace. Yet his face was a blank canvas that failed to portray the piece of which he was recreating.
The only sound heard from the room was the soft thuds of his feet whenever he landed after a graceful leap and twirl. Alexis continued to perfect his dance, focusing on its technical aspects and disregarding its emotional points. He continued to push himself to reach the standards he had set for himself, and yet no matter how perfectly he'd execute every movement, he could not deny there was something missing—a spark, he forgot the reason why he danced in the first place hence he felt disconnected to the music that would supposedly breathe life unto his performance.
Meanwhile outside the studio, Hanaria mopped the floor of the dojo before closing the lights and finally heading home. As she passes by the ballet studio, he finds someone dancing so elegantly and so she slowly peered and watched him in awe, only to realize that it was Alexis.
She watched silently trying to not be seen by the mirrors on the wall so as to not disrupt him. His movements were just as magical as the ones he did during the recital, making her completely captivated. Despite the beauty of his performance, she could not shake the feeling of coldness in his performance that made it more like a bundle of movements put together than an expression of art.
As Alexis reaches the end of the piece, he comes to a stop, breathing heavily as he stares at himself in the mirror, panting. Frustration was evident on his face as no matter what he did, he knew something was missing, and yet he could not pinpoint what it was. He did everything perfectly— the leaps, twirls, and landings. And yet, it still felt empty.
In his mind, he would often hear the voice of his grandmother calling out to him. "You have to feel it Alexis, feel the music with your heart and express it with your body." He tries to incorporate this in his dancing like he did back then but every time he does, it feels as if his body goes into an emotional breakdown. The pain of his grandmother's loss, the expectations of his father, and his fear of showing weakness came crashing through him like waves of violent storms that only created an emotional chain he couldn't break through.
He's so caught up in all his thoughts that he didn't even notice Hanaria who's been observing him for quite some time now until she claps.
"That was amazing!" Hanaria says, her voice breaking the silence. Alexis whips around surprised and annoyed that someone was watching him all this time and he didn't even notice.
"Hah? The hell are you staring for?" He asks, his tone sharper than intended thinking she was a fangirl. "What are you doing here anyway? You know it's rude to spy on people."
Hanaria was caught off guard with his assumption, "What a jerk." She thought to herself, trying to keep her composure.
"It's not like that!" Hanaria steps forward, her expression genuine, "I just thought your dancing was very beautiful."
"It's just practice.." Alexis replied, completely dismissing her compliments, "Nothing special."
Hanaria frowns slightly, sensing self-doubt from his words, "Your technique is simply flawless, but.." she hesitates, trying to find the right words to say. "It feels like something's missing."
Alexis stiffened as her words had struck a nerve, "What would you know about that?" He retorts, a hint of bitterness creeping into his voice, "You're not a dancer, what would you know?"
Hanaria takes a step back slightly yet he isn't offended by his harshness. Instead, she looks at him with an understanding look, "You're right... I'm not a dancer, and I know I'll never be as elegant and graceful as you.." she said, gazing into his eyes, "But.. I know what it's like to put your heart on something."
Alexis broke away from her gaze, feeling some of his barriers shatter as he heard those words. He knew she was right, he just didn't want to admit it.
"When I saw you dance, you looked just like a beautiful flower... but one that was slowly wilting. You're doing everything right but I can't help but feel you're holding yourself back." She added.
Alexis looked back up at her, his eyes flashing with anger though it was more directed on himself than Hanaria. "Holding back?" He snapped, "What do you know about holding back!? You don't even know me!"
Hanaria takes a step closer, undeterred by his hostility. "You're right, I don't know you, neither am I in the right position to tell you this." She admits, her tone much softer, "But I do know how it feels to be trapped by expectations. To be afraid of showing any emotion because you think it'll make you weak, but no.. feelings are beautiful. And that beauty shines in your dancing when you're honest with yourself."
Her words struck a chord in his heart, but he's not ready to accept it. He looks down, clenching his fists. "You don't understand.. it's not that simple." He mutters to himself.
Hanaria watches him for a moment as she begins to understand what the boy in front of her was going through, "Because it's not." She agrees quietly, "But you have to know that you don't have to be perfect all the time.. It's okay to let people in.. you don't have to face this on your own."
The room fell silent once again, she knew that she also strives to be perfect and she doubted if she even was even in the right position to say this when she couldn't even take her own advice. She felt like she pushed him too far that she began questioning her position. She gives him one last encouraging smile before turning around to leave, "I'll see you at the floral shop," she said over her shoulder as she left the studio.
Alexis's posture slowly relaxes as she leaves. His mind is trying to weigh the consequences of letting people in his life again, to let go of the walls that set him apart from other people. But the fear of vulnerability and loneliness is still deeply ingrained in his heart.
He looked at himself in the mirror and saw exactly what Hanaria saw—a dancer who'd lost the emotions that once fueled his passion. The exterior perfection was just a shield to hide the fact that he was scared. Scared to face the pain he didn't want to confront.
Her voice echoes in his mind, "You don't have to face this alone." He's spent so long pushing people away because he doesn't want to get attached and face the same agony he felt when he lost his grandmother. Hiding his true emotions with a cold facade that masked private despair. He forgot what it felt like to rely on other people because he's afraid of getting hurt. But now, for the first time in a long while, he thinks to himself if it's really okay to let someone in.
He lies down, his mind filled with a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. The instructors knew... he knew.. that he couldn't keep dancing like this—detached from all emotions. He gazes out to the window, seeing the flowers that Hanaria would constantly tend to. "Is this what it means to renew?" He muttered, thinking if he was ready or not to finally take the leap of fate.
"She's an interesting one, isn't she?" a voice said, breaking his thoughts.
Alexis turned to see Miss Aurora, his mentor, standing by the door. "Miss Aurora... I didn't know you were here."
Aurora smiled knowingly. "She's right, you know. There's more to dancing than just technique. Maybe it's time you let yourself feel again."
Alexis looked away, picking up his bag as he prepared to leave. "She doesn't know what she's talking about," he muttered, more to himself than to Aurora.
Aurora watched him with a thoughtful expression as he left the room. "We'll see about that," she murmured to herself, her eyes glinting with intrigue. "We'll see."
