7/9/24

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Everything is shit rn

I have this online friend who we'll call 🔥 for privacy reasons

Me and my school friend group have two group chats, a small one for people who actually hang out together, and a second bigger group chat for ourselves and external friends and partners.

There's this girl we'll call 🐈. She hates me cause I exist, she is in said friend group, I hate her too. The difference is, I am nice to her. Here is an interaction we had a few days ago.

The start of school, before the bell rings for us to go inside.

Me: resting my head on our friend 🏎️s shoulder.

🐈: arrives
Erm guys, there's no where for me to sit...

🏎️: it's okay bae, just sit on my lap

🐈:ugh well I would if [my name] would just budge up.

(She said this in a really rude voice, I might add)

Me: Sorry, yeah I will
Moves to the side

AND EVERYONE JUST IGNORED IT AS IF SHE HADN'T JUST BEEN SO RUDE TO ME.

I don't want to hate her, but I hate her.

So, today, I asked if I could add my friend 🔥 to the big Groupchat, seeing as our friend 🐈‍⬛ had added one of her other friends.

I was told I could, so I did!

My friends are the sort of people who make jokes such as "I'm going to touch you" yk? But then they started being such fucking hypocrites about the jokes that 🔥 was making, calling him icky and even slurs.

🐈 Removed him from the group, and I asked why, as he hadn't done anything wrong.

🐈 Then proceeded to remove me.

🐈 Then proceeded to argue with 🔥 privately, telling him that everyone found him annoying.

🐈 Sent him screenshots of her and 🏎️s conversations, she deleted most of these, but 🔥 managed to send me one, when I realised it was 🏎️, my best friend, someone I call my brother, had been saying this, I started crying.

In the Groupchat, 🏎️ and another member 👻, both have the exact same profile picture.

Ofc 🔥 hadn't memorised all the numbers of people in the GC, he'd been there only 40 minutes, he hadn't saved any.

Not knowing who is who, he messages 👻 instead of 🏎️.

👻 Then proceeded to call him "retard" and saying it's just a word. Everyone in this situation is neurodivergent.

👻 And 🏎️ seem to have some weird internalised ableism cause what the fuck are they on.

I HATE the word retard with a passion, as does 🔥, as he used to be bullied really badly.

I hate them all, except 🔥, I love him so much he is genuinely my best friend, someone I can act like myself around, and to see these people I consider my friends being so rude to him has made me see them in a whole new light.

As I post this, it is now 8/9/24, it is 🏎️s birthday. 🏎️, 👻, me and two other people are going into the city to celebrate.

I do not want to go, but my parents don't want me to have social media, so I'm unable to explain any of this to them.

I am so fucking mad at 🏎️ but I can't show it.

I want to punch 🐈 in the face.

Night gang :((

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⏰ Last updated: Sep 08, 2024 ⏰

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