Hoping you would allow me to love you. I'm still be waiting and hoping... ~From the Filipino song "Bakit Ba Ikaw? (How Come It's You?)" by Michael Pangilinan
xxxxxx
If Hammie could just take a step back and perhaps start things all over again between them, she would've done that already. But for her, she knew that it was too late. It was crazy that none of the people around her had ever thought that she was hurting it.
Or was it because she was good at hiding it? Was she that good of keeping everything in her that... she was able to bear the pain even through all that chaos that had happened in her life lately?
Maybe. But perhaps Hammie was just talented at pushing everything away when needed, especially if it was about her own pain. Then again, it was a crazy thing for her to do, even if it was meant to stop the people she cared about from worrying too much for her sake.
"Hammie!"
That shout snapped her out of her musing and turned to the direction of that voice. Her eyes widened at the sight of the very man she was trying to avoid for a while now. But not for the reason that she hated him or anything.
'I just... don't know how to face you again after all this...' she thought and was ready to dash away from there.
But Lucky caught up with her before she knew it. The next thing she realized, he held her wrist tight, as if knowing that holding her a little lose would mean her running away from him. She didn't try to pull away, though. Maybe she couldn't. Even if it was the last thing she wanted to do right now.
His eyes looked down to hers and there wasn't any anger nor disappointment on his features -- well, except on his lips which formed into an unreadable frown. His brows furrowed when she remained silent and was just looking at her.
"So you're not going to say anything?" Lucky asked, breaking the tensed silence between them. "I'm supposed to be your friend, Hammie. You can rely on me to know your problems and help you solve them. So why are you running away from me?"
He waited, but she made no effort to answer him or even move closer to him. He let go of her hand and she stepped back a few steps.
She shrugged, not wanting to talk about it anymore. Or did she really have nothing to tell him anyway?
"I can't stand seeing you hurt," Lucky continued, his tone heartbreaking.
He truly sounded so sad, and it was the first time she heard him like that. It tore her heart in two. How could it hurt so much to see someone like him so unhappy? It wasn't fair, she thought, but then, most of what had happened so far hadn't been fair.
Hammie couldn't believe she was thinking this, considering how much he' s done for her, but she wondered if they'd been friends for this long only to turn around like strangers after this mess.
Maybe their friendship wouldn't survive all that they were going through. Maybe they'd be enemies again. She wished there were some way they could still be friends. But the truth was that no matter what, she couldn't lie to herself that she still wanted to remain as his friend.
Not when her feelings was already too much to contain any longer. It was killing her inside that he seemed oblivious to her pain.
Maybe she shouldn't have come here, though, since it had already caused such turmoil. And she definitely should've gone home instead.
"Well, I better get going," she finally said, trying to sound lighthearted so that he wouldn't get worried.
"I thought I told you that we're going to talk. And I'm not going to let you go until you tell me what's really wrong," Lucky stated, his tone now unreadable that made her frown.
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