Chandni's poetry

(vent poem) the older sister

I never want my little brother to go through what I did.

I'm not saying my life was hard. I wasn't living in war torn areas or fighting to stay alive.

No.

But I still don't wish for him to cry himself to sleep, all alone while our parents fight and scream, with no one there for him. No one to block his ears. Take him away into a different room. Give him headphones to listen to his favourite songs to drain out the loud sounds.

I don't want him to blame himself for every possible problem around him.

I never want for him to hate himself.

I don't want him to have the pressure of success. I don't want him to feel pressured to become something he doesn't want to in life.

Being forced indirectly to have to become the pride of our family.

I want his little mind to run freely. To think what he wants and not to be burdened by worry.

I want to shield him from every single negative outcome ever possibly possible.

I want to take a bullet for him.

Get hit by a train.

Run over 1000 times by a truck.

Anything for him.

But it hurts more than I can bare when he says "I hate you" it makes my heart drop and shatter like the most fine, and delicate glass on the earth we live on.

When he says those 3 words whether he means them or not. Whether he's too young to understand the weight of them or not. It makes me feel like dying. every. single. time.

No matter how much I give. No matter how much I protect.

I never feel enough all because of those 3 words.

And maybe it's true.

Maybe I'm not the best sister in the world.

Maybe I'm not worth much.

But I swear I try.

I love him more than anything. I just wish that he could see that.

That no matter how annoying, controlling, bossy or overprotective I may seem.

I only mean well.

-Jasmeen Sidhu

Dedicated to my little 8 year old brother Harshvir. Whom I want never to mature too quickly like I had to. To never have to understand things you shouldn't at that age.

Whom I want to live freely and take the burden with me.

As long as he's safe.