the best thing that's ever been mine

i must decide, if you must deride

Title from "Get Gone" by Fiona Apple

Both girls are 8 years old

Time skip of six months

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 A little over a year had passed since Komaru found Toko under the slide, and claimed the older girl as her new best friend. Since then, the two had spent every day together. Whether it be at school, the playground they met at, or at Komaru's house: the two were inseparable anywhere they went at any day of the week.

After spending so much time together, of course Komaru felt closer to Toko, but something was still turning over in her mind: she still knew nothing about Toko outside of school. She didn't even know where she lived, or what her house even looked like. It wasn't the biggest issue their friendship could've had, but Komaru still felt like solving it would help them grow even closer.

The lingering thought followed her everywhere, even now as she scrawled across one of her sketchbooks at yet another sleepover. The older girl sat a few feet away lost in thought and completely oblivious to her friend putting down her pencil. Komaru couldn't focus on her drawing anymore now that her brain felt like it would explode from thinking about two things at once.

She spoke without thinking, "We should have one of these at your house."

Toko perked her head up, "What?"

"Like, a sleepover. I haven't even seen your house!"

The other girl drew her breath sharply and mumbled something Komaru couldn't comprehend.

"What was that?"

Toko huffed again, "I said 'no.'"

"Huh? But why not!? It would be just like what we do here!"

"Just..." Toko was getting visibly annoyed as she paused, "no."

Komaru gave her a confused look, "Is there a reason?"

"I don't want to talk about it. Just go back to your drawing." With that Toko turned away, and opened the book she had brought along.

Komaru sighed obnoxiously loudly. She knew that Toko could have a genuinely good reason to shut her down so promptly, but why be so secretive about it? It's not like she's asking to go through her home.

"Why?" Again, it was like words had just spilled from the younger girl's mouth of their own will. Her thoughts just needed to get out of her mind.

"I told you that I don't want to talk about it!" Toko hissed, her annoyance only growing.

Komaru couldn't help but pick up on the edge in her voice which only annoyed herself in return.

"You know best friends don't keep secrets right?" Komaru snapped, throwing her sketchbook haphazardly onto her bed. She couldn't draw right now even if she tried. "You never tell me anything! I don't even know what your parents are like or anything!"

Toko's face had now shifted into a full-on glare aimed at Komaru, "Why do you even care!?"

Komaru knew internally that she had gone a bit too far, but there was no going back now.

Her friend continued, "There's no friendship rule that says I'm required to tell you everything about my life!"

"I never said that! I just want you to stop being so selfish!" Komaru was just speaking without thought now, "I let you hangout here so much, and you know all about my mom, dad, and Makoto. Don't you think you should return the favor!?"

Komaru was seething at this point and silence took over her room. Did Toko not have a response to that? She noticed the other girl had dropped her head to face the floor beneath them. So she had won. Her celebration was short-lived however as Toko lifted her face to reveal an extremely hurt expression, her eyes watering slightly. She had definitely gone too far now.

Toko's breath was a bit shaky as she finally mumbled, "Sorry. I..I'm sorry it's just.."

"It's just what!?" Komaru couldn't help the edge to her statement.

The other girl silenced again before standing up, and putting her book in the bag she brought along.

"I'm going home," she mumbled, tears now openly rolling down her flushed cheeks.

"What!? Why?"

Toko looked back from the doorway, "It's like you said; you're sick of me being here all the time." With that, she shut the door.

Komaru didn't do or say anything for a bit. All she could think about was how badly she had just messed up. Some frustration aimed at her friend still lingered, but she knew this was never the result she wanted.

She sat in silence for a bit before the door opened again, and a bit of hope washed over thinking Toko had changed her mind. However she was unpleasantly surprised to instead see her mother appear in the door frame looking noticeably concerned.

"Can you tell me why Toko just left crying?" she asked, looking suspiciously at Komaru.

She stayed silent, not knowing how to explain the events that just went down without getting in trouble.

"Komaru?" her suspicion increased, "What did you do?"

Crap.

"I asked why she wouldn't let me sleepover at her own house, and she flipped out on me," she kept the explanation short to leave out the details.

Mrs. Naegi's eyes narrowed, "Komaru Naegi I know you're not telling me everything."

How did she see right through me!?

With a defeated sigh, she began telling the full story, "She said no, so I asked again and she told me to stop talking about it."

"And you didn't. Right?"

Komaru nodded in shame, "I asked why, and she got mad. Then I told her that friends don't keep secrets."

"Komaru..." her mother sighed with a hand to her forehead, "Is there more?"

No point in stopping now...

"She said that wasn't true and then I got mad and said she was selfish for hanging out here all the time and never letting me go to her house," Komaru paused, "she left after she told me that I 'didn't want her here.'"

Mrs. Naegi's stress became more apparent, "Komaru friends aren't required to tell you everything. Also, have you ever thought about how other people's situations could be way different than your own?"

Komaru cocked her head, "What do you mean?"

"Not everyone has such a nice place to live. She might be embarrassed of something," her mother explained.

"Okay, but I'm still her friend! She could've just told me that!" Komaru protested.

Mrs. Naegi could only sigh sadly, "You're young so I know you can't fully understand it, but just think about it. I've never seen her parents, and she always looks sadder than one should be when she goes home from here."

"Huh? Why though?"

"I just told you: not everyone has as good of a life as you."

Komaru stayed silent. She didn't know what to say to that.

"Well, anyways," Mrs. Naegi sighed for the umpteenth time, "I know you're an empathetic girl, and I know you didn't mean to hurt her, but I want you to think about it for a while. Also, you really should apologize to her at school on Monday because if my theory is correct she needs you more than anything."

Komaru didn't fully understand what her mother meant by that, but regardless she nodded, "Okay."

"I'll leave you alone now. Dinner should be ready soon."

Komaru nodded again as the door to her room closed. She then picked herself off the ground and moved to lie on her bed. Lost in thought, her mother's words whirled through her head for the rest of the night, and all of the next day.

She had to make this right.