Learning English: The Struggle Is Part of the Process

Growing up, I could never escape those English tutoring ads. Whether at the school gates, bus stops, or even on the walls right in front of my seat on the train, they were everywhere, always telling me: "If you don't learn English, you'll be left behind." Parents and teachers weren't any different, constantly reminding me that if I didn't get good grades, I wouldn't have a future. Honestly, after taking so many English tests, I was ready to snap. From elementary school to high school, every time I faced another exam, all I could think was, "When will this nightmare end?"

And after more than ten years of this torture, my feelings about English haven't improved at all. If anything, I dislike it even more. For me, learning turned into some endless grind. English wasn't just hard-it was exhausting. Every time I had to deal with it, my brain just wanted to shut down. I envy those who can pick it up so easily, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels like English is just too much. Honestly, being forced to learn it might be why I ended up hating it so much in the first place.

Think about it: I've spent more than half my life learning English, and yet I'm still afraid of it. Especially when I travel and need to talk to native speakers-my heart races, my palms get sweaty, and I can't help but panic. What if I don't understand them? What if they say something with a word I don't know? Or worse, what if they can't even understand my accent?

Luckily, I've got a thick skin. I manage to scrape together a few simple words I know, throw in some gestures, and use my trusty translation app. Somehow, we get by, and sometimes we even end up having fun conversations, sharing tips about hidden travel spots or adding each other on social media. Honestly, people are usually pretty patient, which helps me feel a little better.But when I get home and lay in bed, the doubt creeps back in.

"You've been learning English for years and still suck. What's wrong with you?""Other people learn it in a year or two-why are you still struggling after all this time?""You're so dumb, what's the point of even trying?"

These thoughts can get so loud that I lose sleep. I've tried everything-tutoring, online courses-but the more I study, the more drained I feel. I've spent so much money, yet I don't feel like I'm making progress. I've even bought loads of self-study books, but after a month, I forget everything anyway.

Then one day, I stumbled upon a YouTuber talking about learning English through a different mindset. They said not to focus too much on grammar but to "think in English." That idea sparked something in me. I mean, how ridiculous is it that after all these years, I still need to hype myself up just to say "hello"?

At this point, I've kind of given up on becoming fluent in English-but not completely. After all, so much important information online is in English, especially the stuff you can't find anywhere else. The world is huge, and there's so much out there that I still want to explore.

Honestly, sometimes it feels like we're always playing catch-up. Whether it's education, culture, or technology, we always seem to be one step behind. It's kind of depressing. But I know we've got to keep improving.

So I'm still checking out English websites, using translation tools to help me understand. Little by little, I'm working on it.

I remember one teacher saying, '"America might not always be the most powerful country. Who knows what things will be like fifty or a hundred years from now? But one thing is certain-English will probably never lose its place. After all, it's the easiest language to learn in the world.'"

That made me laugh, though not in a good way. Because if I can't even learn the "easiest" language, what does that say about me?

Then again, when I think about how even coding is done in English, it's clear just how important the language is.

The truth is, I don't hate English itself-I hate exams. What I really want is to have deep conversations with people from around the world, to understand their feelings and perspectives. I want to see English as a friend, not some enemy that keeps stressing me out.So yeah, I still struggle with learning English. But I'm trying to dive into it differently now-not like how we were forced to in school. I want to immerse myself in the English-speaking world, to see its ups and downs, and to really experience what it has to offer.Maybe one day, I'll stop seeing English as just another language and more like a bridge that connects me to the rest of the world. And who knows-maybe then, I'll finally start to enjoy it.