Of moonshine and memories | BoyXBoy

Chapter three

I woke up to the dull light of dawn spilling through the cracked window, my body heavy with sleep and warmth.
It took a few seconds for me to realize where I was-and who I was pressed against.

Lucian was nestled against me, his body curled into mine, my arm wrapped tightly around his waist. His back was pressed flush to my chest, his breathing steady and slow. Somewhere in the night, our legs had tangled together, and my face was buried in the back of his neck, his short hair tickling my skin.

My heart lurched in my chest, a heat creeping up my neck as I realized just how close we were. How intimate this felt. I could feel every inch of him, the rise and fall of his breath, the way his body fit against mine. I held my breath, trying not to move, not to wake him, though I wasn't sure if it was more for his sake or mine.

For a moment, I just stayed there, frozen in place, my mind racing. The guilt, the old attraction I had buried deep, the confusion of the situation. It all hit me at once.
I had come here to help him, to pull him out of this mess, but right now, all I could think about was the heat radiating from his skin, the way my body seemed to respond to his without thinking. It was too much. Too close.

Slowly, I tried to untangle myself, my movements careful and deliberate. But Lucian stirred, letting out a soft grunt, his body shifting slightly under my arm. My breath hitched as he mumbled something, still half-asleep, but he didn't fully wake.
I took the opportunity to slip my arm from around his waist, my heart pounding in my chest as I sat up, trying to shake the lingering feeling of him against me.

I needed to get out of here. Fast. I needed to clear my head, to remind myself why I was here in the first place.
This wasn't about...that. It couldn't be.

As I stood up, gathering my things, Lucian grumbled under his breath, still mostly asleep.
"Just be fucking quiet already, Vin..." He muttered, his voice hoarse and groggy, before rolling over, burying his face in the couch cushion.

There it was, even if only for a second. A small sliver of his old loud-mouthed, unapologetic self.
I paused, watching him for a second longer than I should've.
He looked so small, so vulnerable in that moment, curled up on the dilapidated couch. Part of me wanted to stay, to make sure he was okay.

But I had to go.
I had to get to work, and I needed space from whatever confusing feelings had crept up during the night.
Sighing, I slipped my phone into my pocket, grabbed my jacket, and headed for the door, my mind still spinning from the strange, tangled mess this had all become.

I made it home just as the early morning sun was starting to warm the streets. My apartment felt strangely cold, empty in a way it hadn't before.
As I changed into fresh clothes, I couldn't shake the thought that maybe I should've brought Lucian here.
He would've been safer, more comfortable. But then, the idea of having him around and that close to me, gnawed at me. I couldn't risk it. Not with everything still tangled between us.

I needed the space, needed the distance to keep my head clear.
I reminded myself it was for the best. I had my own life, my own responsibilities, and getting too close to Lucian again could only complicate things further. It was hard enough dealing with my own guilt without adding the emotional mess that came with him.

At work, the office seemed suffocating. The office walls of the architecture firm I worked for, once a symbol of my achievements, now felt like they were closing in on me.
I struggled to focus on the blueprints and project plans laid out before me. My mind kept drifting back to Lucian, the way he looked so vulnerable, so broken.
I'd thought I could manage this, but the tightness in my chest and the knots in my stomach made it clear I was anything but okay.

In meetings, I was barely present. My colleagues' voices buzzed in the background as I pretended to follow along, nodding in all the right places. But my thoughts were back at that grim, abandoned building.
I couldn't wait for the end of the day, for the chance to return to where Lucian was staying, to check on him, to try and sort out the mess that had become our lives.