CHANCE | Casey & Chester |

prologue

        I stood outside the precinct, my mind reeling from the emotional turmoil that had just unfolded. I had just left the judge's chambers, still trying to process the weight of our conversation. And then, Detective Stabler's call shattered my fragile calm. I rushed to the precinct, my heart racing with anticipation. As I got there, I was met with a sight that left me breathless. There, in handcuffs, was Detective Chester Lake. What had happened? Why now? Was it because I had lost the case? Was it because crane would walk free? The questions swirled in my head like a toxic fog. I approached Chester, my eyes locked on his face. And what I saw made my blood run cold. He looked...apathetic. As if he didn't care about the gravity of his actions. As if he didn't care about the consequences that would now befall him. I turned away, my eyes welling up with tears. But I refused to let them fall. I sniffled, trying to regain my composure. I looked at Stabler and the other detectives, their faces a mask of professionalism. I felt like I was staring into the abyss. My mind reeled with the thought of what Chester had done. The man who had once been so full of life, so full of passion and purpose, was now reduced to a shell of his former self. As they led him away, I couldn't help but wonder if it was all because of me. If I had failed him, failed our partnership, failed to see what was happening right in front of me. I felt a sense of despair wash over me. The weight of responsibility threatened to crush me. But I knew I had to keep going. For Chester, for justice, for myself. I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders.
               "Why does it have to turn out like this, Liv? What happened, Elliot?" I scream, my voice cracking with anguish as I pace back and forth in front of them. I feel like I'm trapped in a nightmare, unable to wake up from this horror. My mind is racing with questions, but none of them seem to have any answers.
           "They called us. They know that Detective Lake is in our department, We didn't know what happened. We understand it when we got here." The words repeat in my mind like a cruel mantra, each one like a punch to the gut. I'm on my knees, my hands shaking as I try to hold back the tears. I've seen some terrible things in my time as a detective, but nothing could have prepared me for this. I thought I was ready for anything, but this...this is different. I need Chester. I need him now. But does he have a choice? Maybe he doesn't. Maybe he's forced into it, or maybe he just doesn't care about me anymore. I can't blame him, really. I'm not exactly the easiest person to be around. But does he think about me? Does he think about how I'll feel when he walks away? Again? I collapse on the floor, the world spinning around me. And then, I'm waking up in this hospital room, surrounded by beeping machines and our detectives faces. I'm tired, so tired of feeling like I'm stuck in this never-ending cycle of pain and uncertainty.
      "Captain, you don't get it," I say, my voice low and even. "You never have gotten it. You think I'm just some kind of robot, a machine that can shut off and on at will. But you're wrong. I'm human. And I love Lake." Cragen's expression is bland, unyielding. He's always been like that, even when he's trying to be understanding.
   "Casey, you have to stop blaming yourself," he says, his voice firm but detached. Like he's talking about someone else entirely. I feel a surge of emotion, and for a moment, I'm tempted to lash out. To tell him that he's never listened to me, that he's never cared about what I've been going through. But I take a deep breath and let it go. Because I know it won't change anything. I stood in the dimly lit precinct, my eyes scanning the cold, unforgiving walls as I replayed the events that had led us to this moment. The weight of my failure crushed me, like a physical force bearing down on my chest.
       "It was my fault," I whispered, the words echoing off the walls as I turned to Captain Cragen.
    "If I just had to collar crane and lock him up, he wouldn't have...he wouldn't have had to do this. I gave him no choice. I'm at fault, Captain." Liv, ever the compassionate one, wrapped her arms around me, holding me tight as if trying to absorb some of the pain and guilt I was carrying. I felt a lump form in my throat as I realized that even in the midst of chaos, she was still there for me.
I couldn't even gather the strength to stand; I feel weak to my very core. That day, the one I replay in my mind, never came to be—how I wish it had! If only I could turn back time, to a moment when I had the choice to be with him, to embrace everything our future could have held. Maybe then, I wouldn't feel this heavy weight of guilt pressing down on me.
Sometimes, I wonder if being by his side would mend all that's broken within me. I want him so deeply, and the thought of changing everything both excites and terrifies me. I can still picture his face—the way his lips curled into that signature smirk when we first spoke, igniting a spark in my heart.
I ache to rewrite our story. If only I hadn't felt so weak. If only I had fought harder and won that battle so he wouldn't have to bear all this alone. Maybe, just maybe, if I had taken a different path, we could have had a chance—a chance to feel whole again, to escape this suffocating sense of shame that clings to me like a shadow. I long for that connection, that light, and it feels unbearable that it slips further away with every passing moment.