Love Story {LeviHan}

Chapter 6: First Steps

She wouldn't stop crying. She took a pregnancy test without telling me a few days ago. She wanted to surprise me today. She bought a cake and another pregnancy test to give to me as gifts. A proper gift for a father-to-be. But when she took this test, it was negative. Hanji told me she didn't understand. Once she found a positive test, she bought multiples to confirm it. The evidence was in the trash bins. When this was negative, she bought more. All confirming the negative sign. She wasn't pregnant.

I tried to comfort her, but everything seemed wrong. I never thought about being a dad, and as I found out a few minutes ago, it was the only thing I wanted to be. I consoled her, telling her it was okay. I held her in my arms as her glasses fogged up, her tears slipped down her red cheeks, and her eyes turned red. I told her it was okay, and that I loved her anyway. I would never love her less. 

"I'm pregnant for a few days, and I lost it."

"It's not your fault."

"It is. It's my body."

She locked herself in my bedroom, and I couldn't risk breaking in without boxing her in. She needed her space. I get that. But after I heard those wails, the helplessness I felt was overwhelming. Even if it wasn't me, I felt a fraction of Hanji's pain. She always told me that she would always want to have a child. I thought that we could have one later on, but now... Hanji...

As I waited for her to calm down from her breakdown, I made dinner. Every once in a while, I glanced back, hoping to see Hanji standing in the hallway. I would've dropped everything I had just to hug her. An hour passed, and she still wasn't out. I put spaghetti, a fork, and a glass of water on a small tray before carrying it out to my room. I knocked thrice, calling her name softly.

"Hanji, I made dinner. Can you unlock the door? I'll hand-feed it to you if you want."

"I'm not hungry..."

"You may not feel like you're hungry, but your body must be screaming for something to eat. I haven't seen you eat anything else than lunch a couple of hours ago. Eat. And I have water too. Hanji, let me in. Please."

I heard her feet shuffling against the carpet as the sound of the door unlocking arrived. She cracked the door open a little to only stare at the ground. I called her name, beckoning her to open the door a bit wider. She finally gave in, and I brought her back to bed. As I said, I handfed her. I didn't say anything other than for her to open her mouth and ask if she wanted more. Little by little, the bowl of spaghetti was empty and the water was drunk. 

As I carried the tray of her trash away, Hanji croaked a few words from her sore throat. "Thank... you..."

"It's no problem. Let me wash these first, and I'll come into bed. Keep the door unlocked, okay, Hanji?" She nods her head, dismissing me to do what I said.

*   *   *

I held her tightly as she continued to cry. I didn't say another word to her other than the words, "I love you" and "I'm here" into her ears in a soft tone. I wanted to carry Hanji's pain on my shoulders. If I could beg someone to transfer that weight, I would. For her, I'll give her a baby if that's what she wishes. Only for her, I would do everything. 

"Hanji... when you're ready, we can try again."

"Why...?"

"Because you will be a good mom. I believe it. We can get married, and try over and over until you're pregnant. I'll take on a second job. I'll work longer hours, but I'll promise to be home for dinner. When the baby comes, I'll take the burden of raising our child during the night. You can sleep and have a normal sleep schedule. I don't mind it. Whatever you need, I'll give it to you."

"Really...?"

"I promise, Hanji."

"I guess we need a wedding."

I smiled, kissing her lips. "Yeah. We do. But first things first, you need to sleep. We'll discuss wedding plans later. I still have to propose to you."

"Didn't you propose to me already? In my classroom."

"I want things to be formal, Hanji. So, I'll officially propose to you and we can marry."