It Started In The Gym

Chapter - 5: The Pressure Cooker

I am sitting in the college library which on most days is a sanctuary for me. But today, with stacks of books and papers sprawled across my desk even this haven feels heavy with pressure.

I sit at a corner table, the glow of my laptop screen illuminating my tired face. I'm supposed to be working on my research proposal, but instead, I find myself scrolling through social media. I know I shouldn't, but it's become a habit—a way to escape the mounting stress, even if just for a few minutes.

Photos of a childhood friend at a pristine beach, stories of the latest achievements, and posts about their "perfect" life flood my feed.

I try to focus on my own work, but my gaze keeps drifting back to the smaller screen.

Outside, the campus is humming as usual with students rushing to and from their classes as if there had never been a holiday break.

Inside, the library's silence feels oppressive today, the usual comfort of rustling pages and muted whispers replaced by the unbearable roar of my own thoughts.

My heart sinks to unknown depths as I scroll further down my feed. The chasm between them and me feels too overwhelming with the growing sense of inadequacy.

I compare myself to them—wondering why I haven't achieved as much. On top of that my research proposal hasn't been prepared yet, and will I ever come out of this relentless pace of academic life. Each social media post feels like a reminder of my shortcomings, amplifying my self-doubt.

Unable to focus any longer, I decide I need a break. Maybe some fresh air and a friendly voice will help clear my mind.

I glance at the clock. Tina's class must be ending any minute now. I shoot a text to her.

Hey! Wanna meet up after your class?

She replies back in a minute. Sure! Our class just got dismissed. Meet me in the courtyard.

Feeling relieved, I gather my things into my bag and head out, hoping that stepping outside will clear my head.

The familiar buzz of students and classes electrify my senses as I step out of the library. Despite the vibrant energy of the courtyard, my mind is stuck in a loop of self-doubt.

I spot Tina sitting on the stairs, her eyes fixed on her phone. She's so engrossed in whatever she's reading that she doesn't even notice me until I plop down next to her.

Startled, she jumps slightly and looks at me with wide eyes, "Oh my God! You scared me." A smile appears on her face as she makes way for me to sit, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes.

Ralph.

But today, I don't have the energy to probe. Being weighed down by my own thoughts, I doubt I would be of any help to her right now. So, I let it go at that moment and offer a smile instead, taking a mental note to talk to her about it later on.

"How's your day been?" I ask, trying to shift the focus.

Tina shrugs, tucking her phone into her bag. "First days are so boring. How about you?"

"Nothing much," I respond, trying not to sound as defeated as I feel. "Just working on my research proposal."

"Ah. How is it going?"

"Nowhere. I have no idea where I am supposed to even begin. I have to be careful of so many things— select a topic that has neither been researched too much nor something that is completely new. On top of that I have to read hundreds of papers to identify research gaps. How do I even identify any gaps? Shouldn't you have to be an expert for that?" I sigh, exasperated by the tireless thoughts that have been running through my head all day

"Hey you've got plenty of time to figure that out. You can ask some of the professors to help you out". Tina gives me a reassuring smile.

"Yeah, I have thought of talking to Miss Elaine. I hope she will be able to guide me." I say, but my voice lacks the confidence I wish I had. "I'm so jealous you switched to management."

Tina chuckles lightly. "It's not all easy, you know. Management comes with its own headaches. Trust me, I'd rather be in a lab than dealing with endless spreadsheets and presentations."

I roll my eyes at her, "Yeah, I bet all that money flowing in a few years later will make it all worth it."

Tina shakes her head, a smirk forming. "Ah yes, because money makes everything better, right?"

I laugh, the sound surprising me. It feels like the first time I've laughed all day. "Well, maybe not everything. But it sure wouldn't hurt."

Tina nudges me playfully with her elbow. "Maybe I'll hire you as my research consultant when I'm a big-shot manager. You can help me find those 'gaps' you're stressing over."

I grin, the weight on my chest lightening a little. "Deal. But you'll have to pay me good."

"Done!" Tina says, her voice full of mock seriousness. "One million dollars for every groundbreaking idea you give me."

We both laugh, the tension of the day finally easing a little. For the first time in hours, I don't feel like I'm drowning in self-doubt.

I glance at Tina as the laughter fades, feeling grateful for the small moment of respite. We sit in comfortable silence for a few more minutes, watching students bustle by, each absorbed in their own world of worries and ambitions.

Eventually, I stand up, slinging my bag over my shoulder. "Alright, back to the research grind," I say, but this time, my voice carries a little more optimism. "Thanks for the break."

Tina smiles. "Anytime. You've got this."

As I head back toward the library, the weight of the day still lingers, but it feels a little lighter now. I know the pressure will come back, but for now, I have the energy to keep going.