echoes of defiance

chapter 9

From that moment on, Zain and I grew inseparably close. I realized that all the assumptions I’d made about him being arrogant were so far from the truth. He was kind, thoughtful, and without a doubt, the best boyfriend anyone could ask for. His presence had become a constant in my life, one I couldn’t go a single day without. Every little thing he did, every word he said, left a deeper impression on me, and before I knew it, he had grown on me in ways I never anticipated.

I decided it was time to confide in Amma and Ya Usman about our relationship. I called Amma one evening, my fingers trembling slightly as I held the phone. I wasn’t sure what she would say, but I needed her to know. After a few rings, she answered, her familiar voice immediately soothing me.

“Assalamu alaikum, Amma,” I greeted her, trying to keep my voice steady.

“Wa alaikum salam, my dear. How are you? You sound... different,” she replied, her maternal instincts catching on to my hesitation.

“I’m fine, Amma. There’s something I need to talk to you about,” I began, biting my lip. “It’s about Zain and me.”

The line went quiet for a moment, and I could almost hear her processing what I had just said. When she finally spoke, her voice was calm but carried a weight of concern.

“I see. Tell me, what is it between you and Zain?” she asked softly.

I told her everything—about how Zain and I had grown close, how he wasn’t at all like people thought, how much I cared for him. Amma listened quietly, not interrupting, but I could sense her deep thought on the other end of the line. When I finished, there was a long pause before she finally spoke.

“you see i’m not against this, my dear,” Amma began, her voice gentle but filled with concern. “But Zain’s family has a reputation... People in our area have always whispered about them. I don’t think anyone here will easily accept a daughter dating Zain, not with the mystery surrounding his family.”

Her words weighed heavily on my heart, stirring a worry I hadn’t fully faced until now. Amma then suggested something that shook me.

“You should consider moving out of that building,” she continued. “Living on the same building 1 floor apart, even though you’re not doing anything wrong and i'm not doubting you,but it’s tempting fate. Shaitan is a trickster, and I wouldn’t want to see you in a situation you can’t control.”

The worry in her voice only amplified the anxiety I’d already been feeling. *What would I tell my parents?* I wasn’t ready for that conversation with my mother, not yet. I needed more time, more certainty.

“Please, Amma, don’t tell Mom about Zain,” I pleaded, feeling a knot tighten in my stomach. “Not yet.”

Amma sighed on the other end of the phone, her tone softening. “You know I won’t. But you must be careful, my dear. This is not an easy path, and your parents may not react the way you hope.”

I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me, and mumbled a quiet, “I understand.”

To ease her worries, I came up with a solution. I decided i'll ask Ozge, she had been searching for a place off-campus, to move in with me. She wanted somewhere close to SNU, and having her around would give Amma peace of mind. When I told Amma about my plan, I could practically hear her sigh of relief over the phone.

“That’s a good idea,” she said, her voice calmer now. But before we ended the call, she left me with a final warning. “Don’t fall too deep, my dear. You don’t know how your parents will react to Zain. It might not be what you expect.”

Her words lingered in the back of my mind, filling me with a sense of unease.

*Why wouldn’t my family accept Zain?* It wasn’t just the typical gossip or concerns about class or reputation—no, there was something deeper.

Zain and his father had been carrying a mystery for 21 years, a mystery no one in our neighborhood had ever been able to unravel. They had moved here when Zain was barely two months old. I had heard the stories—just days after they arrived, Zain’s mother had died. His father had made an announcement at the mosque about her janazah, and important foreigners had attended her burial. Then, as quickly as they had come, they disappeared, leaving only Zain and his father behind.

From that day on, Zain’s father locked them away from the world. No one really knew them, no one saw them. Zain’s father would only emerge for prayers at the mosque, never interacting with anyone more than was necessary. He didn’t allow Zain to play with the other children, didn’t send him to school. Instead, Zain was homeschooled, with only two foreign live in helpers. It was all so... strange.

How Zain and Ya Usman became friends was still a mystery to me. How his father allowed Zain to visit Amma’s house whenever he liked, that too was something no one understood. But that friendship, it was one of the very few connections Zain had to the outside world. No one in our area trusted them, though. People whispered about them, wondering why they kept to themselves, wondering what secrets they were hiding.

That was the weight Zain carried, the weight his family’s reputation placed on his shoulders.

As I sat in my apartment that evening, staring at my phone, my mind kept wandering back to Zain. Despite everything Amma had said, despite the warnings, I couldn’t deny what I felt for him. He wasn’t the boy the neighborhood gossiped about. He was someone else—someone kind, caring, and fiercely protective of me. But the mystery surrounding him, the walls he’d built around himself, they were undeniable too.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair as I stood up and made my way to the window. The city lights twinkled below, casting a soft glow into my apartment. *What am I supposed to do now?*