Beautiful Girl

Forty One

Sasha is not his son, but his brother.
Suri slept with his dad.
Why would anyone sleep with his dad?
'Because he is rich?' He suggests with a smile and she realizes that she has said it out loud.
They are still sitting on the bed, she is still in his arms. All of it is so strange.

'Are you hungry? You're all bones, jailbait,' he whispers to her, his lips grazing the shell of her ears.

'I....Everything reminded me of you. The dishes you preferred, the fruits you loved, the things that you used to cook for me. And I didn't want any part of it getting into my body, hurting me from inside...' she replies absently.

'You sound mental,' he tells her. 'Were you supposed to starve yourself in heartbreak?'

'Didn't you? Were you happy that I was gone? Did you have feasts and fiestas after you were rid of me? Did you celebrate your independence?'

'I couldn't spend a single moment in this house, in this city, in this country. I ran all the way to Paris," he mutters, lost in thought. 'I kept this ring on my finger and told people who came up to me that I was married.' He laughs a little. 'Talk about mental...'

'Why did you do that then? Why did you hurt me?'

It's what she has always wanted to ask him.

'Because I could,' he confesses softly. 'I thought that you would appease me, that you would take whatever I gave you - love, disdain , apathy and you would stay. That you would not leave me behind...'

'I-' His finger comes to rest over her lips, stopping her before she can begin. 'Let me tell you a story,' he says as he tucks a stray lock behind her ear and starts to card through her hair.

'I loved my mother and she-well she loved me, but she didn't love me more than the scraps she got from her husband. My father had made her sick. She was sick in love, from love. She didn't care that my father wanted to sell my sister off to her abuser. She didn't care that he had his women. All she cared that he came home at night, slept in the same bed as her even if it was for a few hours. She kept getting...sicker...and that man didn't care...'

She holds his trembling hand in between hers, his tears shine on his cheeks.

'One day, she just got tired and couldn't take it anymore, I guess. Di and I, we came to Nani. Di was too broken to love me. She made sure that we survived, but she was too hollow to give me the love that I needed. Then came Avantika. For a moment, it felt as if this was it, that I had found what I had been searching for since my mother's passing, but then Avantika ditched me and got married to my father...'

His laughs wetly and she kisses his fingers. Her hurts are still there, but his hurts hurt too.

'And then, one fine day, I saw you.' He grows quieter. There are moments that pass as he stares at her, into her, leans a little close and his wet cheeks press against hers, his breath falls onto her lips, his warmth warms her skin.

'You were beautiful,' he tells her, his mouth barely grazes her lips and he is feeding her his words.

'You were young and Di had found her next amusement. She thought I couldn't seduce you. I thought I could. Those first few days, it was a rush, thinking about breaking you enough that you would come running to me...' he holds them at at a precipice, breaths mingling, lips occasionally grazing.

'Remember the cigarette you were smoking?' she shakes her head. 'You cried before me for the first time that day, and I realized that I didn't want to run away from your tears...'

It is she who moves and her lips touch the corner of his mouth.

He turns his face.

In this moment they are shadows of each other, mirrors of the pain they have endured.