Lucy sat on the floor of the living room, her eyes fixed on Emma, who was lying on her back and babbling happily to herself. The baby toys scattered around were largely ignored by Emma, who seemed much more fascinated by her own hands. Lucy smiled, watching her daughter's curiosity bloom.
But despite the joy Emma brought, Lucy's mind was elsewhere. In a few hours, she had to be back at the precinct, and the idea of leaving her baby again tugged at her heart. This constant juggling—between being a mother and a cop—was wearing her thin. She felt like she was being pulled in every direction, trying to give 100% to everything but ending up feeling inadequate at both.
She heard the front door open and close. Tim was home. He had taken an earlier shift so he could be back before she left for hers. They had been working opposite schedules more often than not, trying to make sure one of them was always with Emma. It was the only way they could avoid using too much daycare, but it left them with little time for each other.
"Hey," Tim's voice brought her back to the present. She looked up to see him walking into the living room, his expression softening when his eyes landed on Emma. He bent down, giving her a quick kiss on the forehead before sitting beside Lucy.
"Long day?" Lucy asked, leaning into him as he wrapped an arm around her.
"Yeah, but nothing I can't handle," Tim replied, his usual stoic tone tinged with exhaustion. "How about you two?"
"Emma's been great," Lucy said, glancing at their daughter, who was still engrossed in her own little world. "But I'm..." She hesitated, unsure of how to voice what she was feeling.
Tim turned to her, sensing the weight behind her words. "Talk to me."
Lucy took a deep breath. "I just feel like I'm not doing enough. I'm either at work, or I'm with Emma, but I'm not really with her because I'm thinking about work, or I'm worried about missing something with her. And I miss you. We barely see each other anymore."
Tim's brow furrowed, and he nodded slowly. "I know. I feel it too. It's hard—trying to be everything at once."
Lucy looked at him, relief washing over her at his understanding. "I feel guilty, you know? I love my job, but I love being Emma's mom too, and it feels like I'm failing at both."
Tim sighed, his hand rubbing soothing circles on her back. "You're not failing, Lucy. You're doing everything you can. This... it's not easy. We're both figuring it out as we go."
Lucy smiled weakly, leaning her head against his shoulder. "I just want to be good at both."
Tim kissed the top of her head, his voice soft. "You already are. You're a great cop, and you're an even better mom. It's okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes. We'll figure it out."
The reassurance in his voice settled some of the anxiety swirling in her chest. She knew he was right. They were both in uncharted territory, trying to balance their demanding careers with the responsibility of raising a child. It wasn't easy, and it wouldn't always feel balanced, but they were in it together.
Emma let out a small squeal, drawing both of their attention. She had flipped onto her stomach and was attempting to push herself up, her little arms wobbling under the effort. Lucy and Tim both watched, holding their breath as Emma struggled for a moment before finally pushing herself up onto her hands.
"She did it!" Lucy exclaimed, her heart swelling with pride as she leaned forward, encouraging Emma with soft words. "You did it, baby girl!"
Tim grinned beside her, pride evident in his eyes. "That's our girl."
In that moment, as they watched their daughter achieve her first big milestone, Lucy realized something important. It wasn't about being perfect at everything all the time. It was about being present for the moments that mattered. And right now, this moment with Emma and Tim was all that mattered.
