IT'S A NEED! ( HEEJAKE )

chp-16

Heeseung's pov:

After 2-3hrs I decided to heat the food and take it to Jake and have a proper conversation with him bcuz I know I fucked up real real bad.

After heating the food, I took a deep breath and slowly entered inside the room.
I saw Jake sleeping peacefully, oh how calm and peaceful he looks rn, I feel so bad for hurting him like that for my own shits..

I started to gently woke him up, after he woke up he shot his eyes wide open at me and quickly moved away from me and started to pant heavily.
Oh my..." Jaehyun dw I won't hurt you anymore I promise." He replied "I don't believe y-you, you're a literal psychopath, Heeseung! Please get away from me.. please" he started to sob. "Jake listen, please give me a chance to explain myself, I swear I won't ever bother you ever again if you don't want me to but please give me a chance to explain myself now." He took a moment to think before he slowly nodded. I sat at the corner of the bed and started explaining.

"I came from a small town, I've always been the life of the party, the guy who seems to have it all together. But inside, where nobody really sees, there's a storm of unsolved pain that never quite goes away..My childhood was a series of harsh criticisms and rejections. I lost my mother at a very young age so I only had my father. Sunghoon, uncle and Auntie used to live in the cities and we weren't really that close before.

My father was a stern man, and any attempt I made to reach out was met with cold indifference. It wasn't JS abt failure, it was about the feeling that was never good enough.

When I was 15, I had a huge crush on this girl called Mia. One day I was determined to ask her out on a date. For weeks, I had worked up the courage to do this. I rehearsed my line, imagining a perfect scenario. Mia had this gentle demeanor that drew me in, and I thought maybe, just maybe, this time things would be different.

As I approached her in the Cafe, my hands were shaking. I managed to ask her, "Hi Mia, I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me this weekend?"

When she said, " I'm really flattered, Heeseung, but I've been seeing someone recently. I'm sorry."
It felt like a punch to my gut. It wasn't just the rejection, it was a reminder of all times I'd been dismissed or devalued. My heart sank, and I felt this old, familiar anger rising up inside me. It wasn't just abt Mia, it was about the pain of never feeling like I was enough.

I tried to keep my composure, but the moment I turned away, my frustration exploded. I slammed my cup into the table so hard that the people turned yo look. I felt a wave of anger and sadness hit me, and I stormed out of the Cafe, the door slamming behind me.

Back home, I was a mess. I paced around my apartment, replaying the moment over and over in my head. My anger wasn’t just about what had happened today. It was a reflection of all the times I’d felt rejected and unworthy. I was furious at myself and at the world for reminding me of those old wounds.

And since then I'm afraid if rejections and easily get mad when someone rejects me. And that is why I got mad at you when you rejected me that day and did all these shits...But ik very well that no matter what I have went through I shouldn't have done those things to you, I shouldn't have hurt you but I couldn't control myself, my anger took over me completely and I'm deeply sorry for that Jake.

And ik no matter what I do or how many times I say sorry to you I cannot make up for what I did...

But I'm telling you I'm really trying my best to improve myself but I can't do that if you don't forgive me. Yes ik I'm not worthy of your forgiveness but if you don't forgive me now, I will never be able to forgive myself and nor will I be able to improve myself.

I'm really really sorry Jake, please forgive me."

After I was done explaining, I finally looked at Jake and saw him looking at me with wide glowy eyes. He looks really surprised.

He finally started speaking, "I will forgive you only in one condition."

"What is it?!?" I asked as soon as he said that.

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I HOPE I WAS ABLE TO DELIVER HEESEUNG'S PAST TRUMA PROPERLY 😭 I'M NOT SO GOOD AT WRITING SUCH STUFFS BUT I TRIED MY BEST☝🏻🍀