Edelweiss

Prologue

Where does the story start, you wonder?

Well...I do wonder the same.

Love is painful. No one said it was easy, and perhaps I understood that as we both danced at the beach under the sunset, the earth witnessing the slender happiness experienced by both of us.

I wanted us to be happy

I wanted myself to be happy even if it meant being cruel to him, I wanted nothing but to have him and protect this bliss of being with him.

Unfair

It's really unfair

I wanted to be with him, too

I don't want to die, I want to see him... even if it means suffering the cruelty of being immortal. I want us back.

I never meant to push him away, I wanted him to be happy because am a miserable person, he can be happy with someone else, but not with me, remember how you cried when I died?

You were so sad your eyes turned red from crying and your voice cracked from pleading, I thought that day that you might be the one dying. You looked funny, but I...

But I couldn't laugh. Instead, I caught myself crying with you. That was in our first life, right?

Because in my second life, I remember dying on the battlefield, they left me and fled away, and I knew you were waiting for me, back at home with our daughter. I had no choice but to protect the border. They didn't like me anyway, and I know they made you sad. They beheaded our little girl, didn't they? When they knew I died, the prince probably sent his knights to finish those who were close to me. I know because he didn't like me either

Am sorry, love. I made you cry again, am sure you cried a lot, you probably wanted to die, didn't you? You had to watch me and my daughter go like this.

In my third life, how did I die? My memory can no longer serve me. Was it when I tried to save that noble lady child? I drowned, and you couldn't make it in time to save me. Maybe because I told you to go back to your people, I broke your heart and pushed you, and you probably cried again when you found out how I died.

You were right, I am hopeless in water, but I guess I felt guilt in my heart. I didn't want to live after I made you do that kind of face.

You looked at me like I destroyed your world. Your pain was so visible in your eyes that I wanted to puke. I didn't sleep that night and I fell sick. I was vomiting everything over and over and over as if my body was rejecting me. I felt disgusted at myself, and I probably hoped to drown. Maybe that's why... I jumped.

It was a good excuse, you know, heroic none the less. The kid survived, and I went down. He also never liked me to begin with so he wouldn't have to live in regret. I was just another maid in this life. The once they execute for small mistakes.

In my fourth life, I died at an old age on my bed. Alone and weak. I didn't allow you to find me after all the pain I have caused you.

You were probably sad and losing your mind, I never understood why you just couldn't move on. I wanted to suffer alone and dwell with my sorrow as I slowly lost my sanity, but knowing you were out there and still remembering me, I couldn't go mad. I guess you were still my home, the home I wanted to return to someday.

My fifth life was better, I guess. I got married.

But I couldn't see him on you. He was kind and reminded me a lot of you, but he ended up killing me. He accused me of cheating and stabbed me in the middle of the night and probably dumped my body somewhere. I didn't mind. He could never be like you.

You were beautiful, you know? I don't remember exactly what was beautiful about you, but you were beautiful, and that's all I knew.

You were breathtaking and magical

I wonder where you were back then?

Did you marry like me? Did you have kids, or did you die? Just like me?

Are you still sad?

In my sixth life, I was a nun. I wanted to live and pray and give my life to god in the hope that he would make me meet him

Him? Am I talking about god or someone else?

My love? Who I can no longer remember, my memories no longer serves me, and it's only about time that I forget about him completely.

Nothing reminds me of him anymore. Who was he, or am I just imagining stuff? Is the devil pursuing me to stray away from the way of god with the excuse of a man? Or is he pursuing me to lose my mind? It was probably black magic, I heard the head nun sold her soul to the devil

Lord, protect me.

amen.

In this life, I am currently working and trying to pursue my dreams. I work in a big company and just bought a new car last week. Both my parents said they are proud of me, and that makes me happy. My boss is also very kind and all my friends came over to surprise me on my 29 birthday. I am so lucky, am surrounded by blessed people who truly care for me

But... I feel empty.

Something is missing. My emotions are not okay

I don't feel emotionally stable

My friends are now worried. They think I am depressed.

They are probably right

But

I always felt like that, so maybe that's just me.

I am driving back home. I overworked again and stayed all night. My boss was right. He said if I overworked like this, I would probably end up single for the rest of my life and that I should just chill like people my age and look for a husband.

Husband, hu?

Love life, that's word makes me sad.

I think my friends were right because now I am driving fast. If I continued at this speed , I would probably die in a car accident.

I am depressed

I feel so empty and very numb

My heart feels painful. I want to cry again as if all the tears I shed every night are not enough.

My family will be sad if I die.

I hope they don't cry too much because now I am far too late. My car is falling off the cliff...

Maybe if I closed my eyes, it won't hurt too much

Finally, I will be gone from this world, and I admit I lived a good life...

But maybe just maybe deep down, I wanted something else.

Maybe someone.