Love's Silent Crescendo

First Kiss and Second Thoughts

My first week as Spencer Cohen's girlfriend has been nothing short of wonderful. Each morning, he greets me at school with a warm kiss on the cheek and intertwines our hands, making me feel special right from the start. We text and talk constantly, diving into each other's lives and discovering the small details that make us tick. Despite our growing closeness though, we don't share many common interests. Spencer is a huge hockey fan, whereas sports and I aren't exactly on speaking terms. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the basics of football, given the number of games I've been forced to sit through. Then there's my love for musical theatre, which Spencer doesn't quite get. He listens with genuine curiosity when I talk about it, but he admits it's not really his thing. I don't let these differences bother me too much. After all, couples don't need to have everything in common. I think of my parents—they have practically nothing in common, yet they always find joy in each other's company and make time for each other. That's what really matters. As I adjust to my new role as Spencer's girlfriend, the less I think about Luke. The school's reaction to our new relationship was a mix of surprise and intrigue. I still remember Luke's face when he saw Spencer and me, our hands intertwined, sharing moments of closeness. He stood there, his eyes burning with a mix of shock and something else—pain, maybe? Then, almost as if on cue, he vanished into the crowded hallway, retreating into his world of avoidance. I don't think Spencer noticed Luke's reaction; he was too absorbed in our blossoming relationship. But I did, and though Luke doesn't occupy my thoughts constantly anymore, that moment occasionally sneaks into my mind, whispering, "What was that about?" As the week comes to a close, Spencer approaches me with a bright smile. "Hey, cutie," he says charmingly, making me blush. I reply, "Hi, handsome," and he blushes in return. He hesitates for a moment before continuing, "So, um, I've got this youth group thing after school today. I was hoping maybe you'd join me?" I look at him, puzzled. "Youth group thing? What's that?" Spencer seems a bit embarrassed as he struggles to explain then he quickly blurts out "Okay, it's a church youth group thing. But before you protest, I really want you to come so you can meet some of my friends who don't go to school here." I consider his request. I'm not exactly a church-going person. It's nothing against faith; it's just that a past experience with a church when I was younger left my family distant from church activities. Spencer's invitation catches me off guard, but I don't want to disappoint him. I smile warmly to reassure him. "I'd love to go, but I need to check with my parents first, okay?" Relief washes over him, and he nods, reaching for my hand and giving it a gentle squeeze rubbing his thumb back and forth like he usually does, then planting a kiss on it. He heads back to his seat to pack away his instrument, and I go back to what I was originally doing. The more time I spend with Spencer, the more comfortable I feel around him. Yet, there are moments when I can't shake the feeling that something is missing. I wonder if it's to blame on us not having our first kiss yet. I'm not sure why he hasn't kissed me yet. Maybe he's waiting for the perfect moment, but I've been waiting so long that I'm starting to wonder if it's ever going to happen. Every time we're together, I catch myself hoping that this will be the time he finally makes a move, but it seems like we keep missing that magical moment. Even though I'm feeling a bit anxious, I'm willing to stay patient since I've already waited this long. For now, all we have are our digital conversations, but as much as I enjoy them, they can't replace a real kiss. Suddenly my thoughts begin to drift as I feel an intense gaze burning into me. I turn around to find Luke staring directly at me. His eyes are fixed, unwavering, as if he's trying to see through me. The uncomfortable silence stretches between us, and I can't quite decipher his expression—is it sadness, anger, disgust, or envy? I'm not sure, and honestly, I'm done trying to figure it out. I tear my gaze away, refocusing on collecting my things. As I busy myself with the task, I remind myself that I need to center my attention on Spencer, who I know would want me to stay present and happy. I take a deep breath and redirect my thoughts, concentrating on the moments we've shared and the excitement of our relationship, pushing aside the uncomfortable feeling that Luke just left behind. After packing up, I text my mom to ask if I can go with Spencer. She says it's fine, and I find him to relay the good news. Soon, we're in his mom's car, heading to the church. When we arrive, Spencer and I walk in together, hand in hand. The moment we step inside, he's instantly surrounded by his friends, who greet him with cheers and enthusiastic hugs. The warmth of their welcome makes me feel both excited and a little anxious. After the initial excitement dies down, Spencer turns to me with a smile and introduces me to everyone. "Hey, guys, I'd love for you to meet my wonderful girlfriend, Gwenny." His introduction makes my heart race a bit, but I try to stay calm and make polite conversation with his friends, all the while feeling a bit like a fish out of water. After a while, Spencer gestures for me to follow him, leading me to a cozy bench. I sit down, hoping he'll join me, but instead, he heads towards the front of the room where a stage and a group of people are setting up instruments. To my surprise, Spencer steps up to the microphone, and I realize he's part of their band. As they start rehearsing, I'm a bit taken aback—Spencer can sing? It's a new addition to the "things we have in common" list, and it makes me smile. I watch with a rush of pride and excitement. Seeing him up there fills me with joy. As I watch, captivated by the performance, Spencer occasionally catches my eye and smiles. After an hour of rehearsal, the group begins to pack up. Spencer returns to me, his face bright with anticipation. "So, what did you think?" he asks. Unable to hide my smile, I give him a kiss on the cheek and say, "You were amazing." His face softens at my praise. Curious, I ask, "How come you never told me you could sing?" He becomes sheepish and replies, "Ah, I don't know." I giggle at his shyness and take his hand. He holds it gently, rubbing his thumb across my palm again in his comforting way. Then he looks up at me, and our eyes lock. "You know, we have a few moments before my mom comes to pick us up. Can I show you something?" I nod, and with his hand still in mine, he leads me outside, waving goodbye to his friends. We step into a quiet field adjacent to the church building. It's peaceful and private, a welcoming change from the public displays of our relationship. Spencer seems nervous, almost trembling. "So, um, I actually have something for you. I've been wanting to give it to you for a while, but I haven't found the right moment." My curiosity piqued, I smile and ask, "Okay, what is it?", my voice filled with curiosity and excitement. "Um, close your eyes, okay?" Spencer says, his voice wavering with nervousness. I hesitate for a moment, confused but intrigued. My mind races with possibilities, thinking it might be some sort of gift. "Okay," I reply, closing my eyes, my hands resting lightly in the air as I try to picture what it could be. Maybe it's a small gift, something personal like jewelry. I smile a little, anticipating the surprise. But just as I'm imagining a delicate necklace or bracelet, I feel something completely unexpected—a gentle brush against my lips. My eyes fly open, caught off guard. Spencer is kissing me, and the unexpectedness of it sends a jolt through me, making my heart race. As Spencer pulls away, there's barely a second for him to step back before I instinctively leap into his arms. I throw my arms around him, pressing my lips to his with a passion that surprises even me. We share a fervent kiss, the intensity of it making my heart race as I savor every second. His arms wrap around me, and when I finally pull away, breathless, I see the admiration in Spencer's eyes. It makes me blush. I can't imagine a more perfect first kiss. But then, unexpectedly, Luke flashes through my mind —the boy I once daydreamed about kissing first. The thought leaves me unsettled, making me wonder if it would've felt different with him. Would it have been as exciting? As intense? I push the thought away, but it lingers just long enough to make me feel tense. Noticing the change in my expression, Spencer's brows furrow. "What's wrong? Was it bad?" His voice is laced with worry. I quickly shake my head, offering a reassuring smile. "Oh no, no! Spence, it was wonderful, really. Thank you." His worried expression melts into a soft smile, and though I return it, the thought of Luke still flickers in the back of my mind, leaving me with a lingering sense of confusion. Spencer pulls me into a hug and places a gentle kiss on top of my head, but even in his embrace, that thought remains. Just then, his phone pings. "It's my mom. Time to go," he says, pecking my lips once more before leading me back to the front of the building. As we head to his mom's car, my thoughts swirl. If I were to tell the story of my first kiss, it would sound incredibly romantic. Yet, I touch my lips, feeling as though the kiss didn't quite leave its mark. I ponder if this lingering feeling has to do with Luke or if something is missing in my relationship with Spencer. I care about him, I know I do, but the emotions I thought would come aren't fully there. I resolve to make this work and focus on Spencer, but a part of me still wonders if something is amiss. We climb into the car, and I glance over at Spencer, determined to make our relationship work. I have to, I tell myself. This is my chance, and I need to give it everything I've got.