Loving You In Silent

4

### Chapter 4

The third day of the sports event was here, and I found myself heading to the event with some friends. Jennie’s friends had decided to join us, so we all waited for the car we’d ordered together. It was a casual, friendly atmosphere, but I couldn’t help noticing how Jennie gravitated towards me, making small talk.

As we waited by the curb, Jennie suddenly turned to me with that bright, excited look she always had when something was on her mind.

“Hey, Lisa,” she began, her voice a little playful.

“Uh, yeah?” I responded, trying not to sound too eager.

“Wanna know something?” she asked, her tone making me feel a little more excited than I should be.

“Sure. What is it, Jen?” I asked, trying to keep it cool, but my heart sped up a little at her attention.

She smiled and leaned in closer, clinging to my arm like we were best friends. “Your brother just told me that we’ve met before!” she said excitedly.

I tried to play dumb, even though I felt a jolt of shock inside. “Wow, really? Where did we meet?” I asked, feigning ignorance. Deep down, I was more affected by her touch than by the words. *Pretty pathetic,* I thought to myself, *getting so excited over a simple thing.*

Jennie, oblivious to my inner turmoil, continued with a cheerful laugh. “Yeah! I just realized it—we’ve met before. Don’t you think that’s, like, destiny?” she asked, her eyes lighting up as if it was the most exciting revelation.

I mumbled, “Hmm, I’m not sure about that,” trying to hide how I was feeling.

Jennie just chuckled, clearly finding the whole thing amusing. Then, before I could stop myself, I blurted out, “So… you’ve been talking to my brother?”

“Yeah!” she said, her face lighting up even more. “Your brother is so funny. I feel really comfortable talking to him.”

Her words stung more than I wanted to admit. I knew it wasn’t rational; I hadn’t known Jennie that long, and yet, the way she talked about my brother—so casually, so comfortably—hit me in a place I didn’t quite understand. *Why does this hurt so much?* I thought. *Why do I feel this way about her when I know it’s wrong?*

I tried to push the feelings away, but they lingered, gnawing at me from the inside.

After what felt like an eternity, our car finally arrived. We all piled in, continuing the light conversation, though I stayed mostly quiet, trying to brush off the nagging thoughts about Jennie and my brother. The ride felt longer than it should have, and every laugh or word exchanged between Jennie and her friends seemed to make the knot in my stomach tighten.

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The event was packed when we arrived. Today was the final day, and my brother was competing. Even though he lost, the crowd seemed to love him. He was his usual funny self, making jokes, keeping the energy up even in defeat. People gravitated toward him, laughing and cheering for him despite the outcome. I watched, feeling a strange mix of pride and envy.

*I wish I could do that,* I thought. *I wish I could make her laugh like he does. I wish I could be the one she’s so comfortable with.*

But I wasn’t him. I was just the shy, awkward girl who didn’t know how to handle her feelings for someone who didn’t even seem to notice.

As the day came to a close, I found myself watching Jennie from a distance, once again caught between wanting to be close to her and knowing that I couldn’t. I couldn’t be like my brother, no matter how much I wished I could.